I didn’t drink, but I did smoke - now what?

[SaltyJ73]

Ok so after 46 days of no drinking or smoking weed, I gave into temptation and puffed on my girlfriend’s vape pen…definitely got stoned, but I didn’t drink - day 50 with no drinking and I still feel the obsession has been lifted; weed doesn’t make me want to drink or anything in the slightest…I had my doubts about how realistic it was for me to never smoke again, because I love it so much and it doesn’t make my life unmanageable…BUT it’s obviously a mind altering substance. But it’s also not drinking. I’ve been reading various viewpoints on the matter…would feel weird taking my 60 day chip knowing I’m smoking - but open to insight on the matter, and looking for input. What do you guys think about that - start my time over again if I decide to go back to full abstinence or keep on truckin?

[PaigeB]

I had my doubts about how realistic it was for me to never smoke again, because I love it so much and it doesn’t make my life unmanageable…BUT it’s obviously a mind altering substance. But it’s also not drinking. I’ve been reading various viewpoints on the matter…would feel weird taking my 60 day chip knowing I’m smoking -

You are going to get a lot of opinions and that's is a good reason to have 1 sponsor to help you through these things.
Two things that stuck out to me was (1) that you seem to love it sooooooo much - that is not how normal folk think about drugs OR alcohol. (2) That it sounds like you decided to keep smoking or that you are considering it. That is obsession of the mind if not a physical craving kind of thing.

It differs around my F2F district/state. Some separate the smoking and the drinking and have 2 sobriety dates. If a person decides to have 1 date, it doesn't usually come up unless they are telling their fully story. Personally, I would choose to have 1 date because of the mind altering nature of a drug.

I never was a drug user/smoker. So I lean on the stories of others. One gal I know got a few YEARs of sobriety before she decided that she was USING the pot addictively. She got a new sober date, and fully acknowledges her 2 dates and speaks freely about them ~ but uses the latter date as her sober date. THEN came the day when her mother wanted to celebrate her 15 years... OH CRAP! - she didn't tell her family about her new date! Helluva thing to have to come clean on so many years later! YEARS down the road! I think it would be best if I got it all straight with myself and others before I'm about to have a 15 year clean and sober party!

Just my opinion.

[Brock]

What I observe on this subject is that some people on stating their sobriety date say words like ‘I haven’t had a drink in X time,’ others say ‘a drink or smoke of weed,’ and still others says ‘a drink or any mind-altering substance,’ this last bracket would even consider a simple doctor prescribed tranquilizer like Valium a mind-altering substance.

I know it’s good advice to say have one sponsor and follow him rather than listen to different opinions, but what happens like in my case when the sponsor was giving advice I couldn’t follow. It was not based just on AA literature, but mainly on the fact that it was what his sponsor told him to do, so I ended up listening to various old-timers and never had a ‘sponsor’ as such. I know some here don’t too much like my soapbox ‘preaching’ on some of these subjects, but I always kick against this dumb idea that some sponsors have that ‘it worked for me it will work for you,’ the old one size fits all. If your sponsor says weed is the same as drinking, who knows if he is right, and some sponsors would tell someone on tranquilizers that are being taken for a valid medical condition that that’s also the same as drinking. So to my mind it comes down to how I feel about it, if I honestly find that weed or whatever in no way encourages me to drink or makes life anyway unmanageable, (which includes missing it so badly when I don’t have any that life feels like crap), then I am good to go and it’s nobody's business but mine.

The second point I will make is the over importance often given to how long we are sober, yes when we are new there is no harm in counting days it’s good encouragement, but we must bear in mind that the literature says in various places, that for a time we may feel that the compulsion to drink is gone, even think why did I make a big deal about stopping, this is easy. But we are warned in several places that unless we do the work contained in at least up to step five, the day will come when we have no defense against the first drink.

When people celebrate things like in the story above this post about the lady with fifteen years, mother plans a party, etc., I just don’t understand this sort of thinking, and I cringe when I happen to hear some clown with an app on his watch that proudly speaks about so many years, days hours and minutes. On page 85 of the book, they tell us how things are after we do what’s asked -

...and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

“We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.” Then why are we still counting time and having parties, I am afraid that both myself and others I know were, in the beginning, put off by this sort of thing, we figured if these folks have celebrations for time sober then it really must be a struggle.

As usual, I have rambled on, but the bottom line is I think you are doing well, just use your own HONEST judgment, do the steps and like me, you may well find yourself in the position of having to stop and think if someone asks how long since your last drink.

Best of luck.

[MyNameIsBetsy]

Hi Salty,

What do you guys think about that - start my time over again if I decide to go back to full abstinence or keep on truckin?

I'm going to be honest with you. If you have taken in a mind altering substance which did NOT come from a physician's prescription for YOUR SPECIFIC medical need, than you are NOT sober.

We work an honest program. We have to. Our lives depend on it. We are honest with ourselves and with others.

My best suggestion to you is to find your way into a local meeting and get the help of a good, local AA sponsor. A sponsor is a guide to this program, and can help you work the steps to recovery.

A good sponsor is one who continues to work his program, is involved with your local AA groups, and has in his life a sobriety you want in yours. It's a bonus if your sponsor has his own sponsor!

I'm so glad you are here with us at e-AA, but we will not be the ones saving your life! You, your Higher Power, and your local AA groups are the ones who will be doing that . . . if you let them.

Betsy
an alcoholic

[SaltyJ73]

Yeah, I’ve found some good meetings…problem is I’m not permitted to attend them as often as I should because my sig. other is opposed. One meeting a week isn’t enough and God save me if I were to come home with a sponsor…I guess I’m in a bit of a pickle there. I have to agree in my heart that, even though I feel like smoking pot isn’t that different from being sober, it isn’t the same as being sober. I don’t know…it felt good not to be smoking for those 45 days, knowing if I were to trip and fall at work I couldn’t be in danger of failing a drug test and losing my job, but that’s the problem with weed, for me at least if I don’t smoke too much, she’s a pretty gentle mistress - not violent like alcohol, and not causing problems aside from not being able to say I’m sober…still ended up coming down on the “I’m too much of an alcoholic to risk drinking anymore” side of that fence, but with weed, Idk…my girlfriend said I was “California Sober” but that's not sober - sober. So Idk what I’ll end up doing or not doing, but I know I’m not going to drink today.

[Brock]

I didn't go to many meetings and still don't, what I found very useful and it hasn't been mentioned here is the use of 'speaker tapes.' Go to youtube and put in maybe 'best AA speakers,' you will find those whose voice or style of speaking you prefer. A favorite of mine because he cuts through the 'fluff' and gives the message as written in the book is the speaker Chris R. He also has a section called 'journey through the big book,' you can listen to some and stop anytime since youtube holds the place to restart when we feel like.

[PaigeB]

I know some here don’t too much like my soapbox ‘preaching’ on some of these subjects, but I always kick against this dumb idea that some sponsors have that ‘it worked for me it will work for you,’ the old one size fits all.

I actually appreciate the fact that you have a different experience to share! Seriously! Part of my story was when a strong AA member told me he was glad I was an atheist... He told me that AA needed me and my story. He told me, "Don't change because someone told you to! You will have an experience and you will save the life of someone else!" I made that reading my signature line. I think it saved my life.

Each of us has a story and information to give. THAT is what makes this "thing" work!

"Love and tolerance of others is our code." I shut off my ego and let my heart listen!

[tomsteve]

for myself, sober means
not effected by alcohol and/or drugs.

[MacZa]

Late reply here to this topic, but just wanted to chime in to say that I'm new in my flirtation with A.A. and trying to find my people/home group. As part of my investigations, I had a long text chat a few days ago with a cousin of mine who shares a similar history to mine. (Genetic predisposition for the win!) I was taken aback when he said that although he'd quit drinking his was still smoking weed. (I don't know how often he uses pot.) For me, sobriety means stopping using any substance that dulls underlying problems.

Just my quick opinion.

[MyNameIsBetsy]

Hi MacZa, welcome. I agree with you.

My own definition of sober includes abstinence from both alcohol and mood altering drugs (Doctor prescribed drugs okay.). I wouldn't dare touch marijuana because I believe it would lead me directly back to active alcoholism again. I worked too hard to get away from that, and don't choose to do anything which would take me back.

Life is better sober.

Betsy
an alcoholic

[avaneesh912]

I’m not permitted to attend them as often as I should because my sig. other is opposed.

I had a similar situation. My spouse threw all sorts of hurdles due to her in-security. Luckily i found a good noon meeting and I would make use of my luch hour to douse myself with AA. Always remember, its our sobriety other people unless they are spiritually fit, they have no clue about what is going on within us, so putting sobriety as a first priority will help our recovery. We will have a better relationship. My wife is very supportive these days. Of course that took sometime. As the book says they are skecptical about our stance. Only time will show them that we indeed were sincere and we honestly wanted to do this program.

[MacZa]

I’m not permitted to attend them as often as I should because my sig. other is opposed.

I had a similar situation. My spouse threw all sorts of hurdles due to her in-security. Luckily i found a good noon meeting and I would make use of my luch hour to douse myself with AA. Always remember, its our sobriety other people unless they are spiritually fit, they have no clue about what is going on within us, so putting sobriety as a first priority will help our recovery. We will have a better relationship. My wife is very supportive these days. Of course that took sometime. As the book says they are skecptical about our stance. Only time will show them that we indeed were sincere and we honestly wanted to do this program.

It's actually been the opposite for me. I started investigating online meetings last week and somewhat sheepishly admitted this to my husband. He told me that he was glad I was doing what I needed to do -- that's really helping me "get over myself." I've been feeling embarassed about getting to the point where I considered my situation serious enough to look into AA.

So reassuring to know that my husband supports my exploration.

[avaneesh912]

I have to say, a few lives have to be lost in our family (both sides) for my wife to be convinced that i need AA and it works. She has a different attitude toward my AA involvment since 2012.

[PaigeB]

My husband was as desperate as I was. He watched in disbelief as the days turned into months. I think he finally started to breath a bit around my 9 months. However, my behavior was such that it was at about 5 years before he started to trust that I wouldn't drink again. His growth was his own, I'm just guessing. He doesn't say, "Are you going to a meeting tonight?" anymore!

I heard this in the rooms... If you want to know how someone's sobriety is going, ask their family.