Are they going to distrust me hate me forever?

[SoberSarahK]

I became an addict at the ripe old of 36. I have always been the perfect daughter, high achieving, an opera singer, ran my own HR department by 24 for a local branch of a national children’s program non profit, started my own family concierge business at 26. But post parrtum depression slated me and I feel like my family will never stop being angry at me for this path. It pains me daily and I try to let go, but I just want my parents to love me again. They destroyed my wheelchair ramps so I can’t easily visit, it’s bad.

[Shoreline]

Welcome! At one point i felt like I had messed up my relationship with my mother forever. Then I decided that if I kept drinking, there is no way things would ever improve. If I got sober, at least there was a chance things might improve. The relationship improved eventually.

[Brock]

Hi Sarah and welcome here.

There are many alcoholics I have met that might also be classified as ‘high achieving,’ several of the stories in our big book speak of this type also, we rise to great heights and fall to great lows.

My experience and that of many I have heard speak, or seen write here, is that regaining the trust and love of those close to us takes time. I myself made many a broken promise, to the point nobody believed me anytime I said I would sober up this time for good, I hardly believed myself. Now a few years happily sober, and just by being the decent person I can be, I have regained the respect and love of everyone.

Not sure how mobile you are and if you can get around to AA or NA meetings, but we have a nice community here, please feel free to ask any question or make any comment, we enjoy helping each other and it helps us as well. And congratulations on the five days sober.

[positrac]

I believe the worst part of life is thinking my parents needed to love me because! I left home at 11 because my parents had issues with me and my ways. it wasn't all my fault and I spent my adult life trying to win them over with good behavior, skills in life with work and being always independent! I was always afraid to ask for help from them because I knew the answer was NO! My brother ruined it all for me and yet I am grateful I did it on my own. My parents are gone and I made my amends years before they left and I hoped they loved me and I guess they did.

Have you ever considered just stepping back and getting your life in order and with that focus maybe you can get past this stuff. For me staying away was the only tool I had to deal with rejection and I know we all have different ways of dealing with family. You have the skills to reinvent yourself in a positive way and with sobriety you can do more for others and make peace with yourself. I hope my post is clear as it stirred some thoughts up inside me and it is a powerless feeling and I hope you can find peace.