Is this alcoholism and what can i do?

[Shorty]

I think my husband has an alcohol problem. Although we no longer socialise in alcohol fuelled situations as often, when we do i always notice the same patterns.
- he drinks quickly and is drunk within 2 to 3 hours. If he drinks longer he becomes very drunk ie slurring, swaying etc
- when we get home he always drinks more. At least 2 500ml beers. He will often keep drinking until he falls asleep on the couch.
- if he has no beers he will drink my spirits. I am not a big drinker but i do keep spirits for an odd drink. I realised tonight that last weekend he drank most of a bottle of my spiced gin and most of my bottle of frangelico. I also saw that he has nearly finushed an expensive bottle of hin i had barely opened.
- he has snuck alcohol without telling me. One night he said he wasnt going to drink. While i was putting our son to bed he polished off a bottle of my dessert wine. I later foubd the bottle in recycling and thats how i knew.

I guess i am looking for advice.
If he doesnt do it all the time anymore, is it still a problem? He cannot do moderation. Every night out with drinking ends like this.
If he is still functional do i have a right to do or say anything?
How do i even begin to address this? Every time it comes ip he gets defensive and it becomes a fight.

[Barbara D.]

Hi Shorty,

I can't give you advice. I am an alcoholic and can only tell you about my own experiences.

I drank sporadically for a long time. I don't know exactly when taking the first drink meant I would get drunk, but I had blackouts here and there, might get hostile, and could not guarantee my own behavior. I was drinking twice a week and wanted more, more, more when I hit my bottom and sought help in AA.

Most of the people I knew didn't think I was an alcoholic because I didn't drink every day. My husband did reach a point where he wanted me to stop drinking. I am so delighted that drinking was not a part of his lifestyle. I preferred to drink alone anyway, but I didn't have to deal with drinking buddies right in my own home.

I knew my father had a drinking problem. He would disappear for days on end but was mostly abstinent, functioned and took care of his financial responsibilities. I wanted to blame him for my drinking and visited Al-Anon (for family members). I was surprised to learn that Al-Anons could not control their alcoholics but had to work on themselves. Family members get sick, too. The perspective is a little different, and I decided it was best if I stuck exclusively to my AA meetings.

If anything I said touched you, there are many pamphlets and books that explain alcoholism and how AA works. Perhaps if you read some of our literature, you would get further inspired about seeking help for yourself.

Good luck!!! Barbara D.

[PaigeB]

Hi Shorty - My name is Paige and I am an alcoholic.

Alcoholics Anonymous as a sister organization that came up right alongside AA as it began. As Bill & Bob met to discuss alcoholism, their wives met around the kitchen tables. There they found they too had common issues and could help one another recover from this family disease or dis-ease if you will. The name of this sister organization is Alanon and you can make contact with them through their website:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/home
or by other means:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/contact- ... ily-groups

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc (USA)
1600 Corporate Landing Parkway
Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617
Telephone: (757) 563-1600
Fax: (757) 563-1656
email: wso@al-anon.org

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters (Canada) Inc.
275 Slater Street, Suite 900
Ottawa ON K1P 5H9
Telephone: (613) 723-8484
email: afgwso@al-anon.org

I think you will find them very willing able to help.