Things That Want to Make You Yell out "WAA WAA WAA!"

[Cristy99]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Thanks so much guys!!! I'm in stitches!!!!

Love it!!!

[Cristy99]

How to catch a polar bear:

Cut a hole in the ice and fill it with peas. WHEN THE BEAR COMES UP TO TAKE A PEA, KICK HIM IN THE ICE HOLE!!!


I know, I know.....very lame....all of my funny jokes are inappropriate!!!

[JohnDaniels]

Ok. A guy is standing on the corner messing in his pants.

Some guy walks up and say's "Man you stink!"

The stinker say's "Yup. I know. That's cuz I'm messin' in my pants".

The guy says "WHY?"

The stinker says "I dunno. I guess I juss like messin' in my pants".

The guy say's "Look, A buddy of mine is a really good psychiatrist. If you go see him He'll be able to help you. He'll be able to tell you why you are messin' in your pants! What a ya say?"

The stinker say's "OK"

A week later the guy runs into the stinker on the same street corner and says "MAN you stink! Did you go see that buddy of mine?"

The stinker says "Yeah I did"

The guy says "Well? Did you find out why you're messin' in your pants?"

The stinker says "Yeah. But it don't bother me anymore."

[Cristy99]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[JohnDaniels]

I'm working the phones from Central Office at my home here at 2:00 o'clock in the A.M. Anyway it's a rare lull on a Friday night and I just thought of a funny story:

A drunk was staggering down the street, bumping into trees and posts. He came to a church where he walked inside, staggered down the isles bumping into pews and found himself setting in the confessional.

A few minutes later the priest welcomed him in the usual manner.

The drunk said, "Yeah. Ya got any paper on your side?"

[Patsy©]

We've all heard them in meetings. You're sitting there listening to someone speak when suddenly you get that overwhelming urge to ball up your fists and rub your eyes while shouting out "WAA WAA WAA!"

"My stupid car battery died and my blower lost all its data and now I gotta go back in front of the stupid judge."

"I can't where nylons anymore because of this damn bracelet."

"I'm sick and tired of constantly having to ride the bus or bum rides from friends. I don't see any reason why they took my driver's license just because I drove out of town!"

"I hate my probation officer. He's such an a**h*le!"

"I don't get why they have to charge me so much for auto insurance just because I got a DUI."

I don't know why my mother-in-law hates me so much. I never done anything to her."

"Two years ago I knocked down my neighbor's mailbox with my car and drove across his lawn when I was drunk and the jerk still won't talk to me."

And my ALL TIME FAVORITE....

"I can't believe it. I just found out I'm getting sued over a three year old unpaid bar tab!"

Those are funny michmijon and there's some irony there. I tend to surround myself with positive people. I take my lumps and shake the dust off my heels and move on with life. Anyway I was at a meeting like that one night when the first person started finding fault in everything in life and it was setting the tone for the entire meeting. The next person was down on everything. It went on a whining session with the next few people getting in on the negativity like "OH YEAH??? WELL TOP THIS!!!

I was concerned but I wasn't angry about it but I could see others gritting their teeth. I was more of an observer at the way the speakers habitual whining was really pissing some of the folks off. I figured I'd let it go for a while and see if anyone changed the tone of the meeting. Well it wasn't going to happen. So finally I got up in my dry humor mode and mocked the others with "Now I have a wife and she's a good wife. But this morning she asked me how I wanted my eggs and I told her I wanted one hard boiled and the other scrambled and she boiled the wrong one but I'm gonna stay sober in spite of her.". It got laughs and I walked back to my seat smiling. But for me my smiling was suppressed laughter like when I'm kneeling in front of a coffin and burst out laughing. Then look down at the guy in the coffin "Hey Joe. Nice tie. All dressed up and no place to go"

Rotflmao!! Way To Go JohnDaniels!

[Cristy99]

[Cristy99]

I borrowed this from a friend!

Two Roughnecks Headed to Texas. Two Roughnecks from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper. The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick. The Roughneck rolled down the window and WHACK, the trooper smacked him in the head with his nightstick. “What the heck was that for?” the Roughneck asked. “You’re in Texas,” the trooper answered. “When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.” The trooper ran a check on the license and the Roughneck was clean, so he gave him his license back. The trooper then walked around to the passenger side and tapped on the window and the other Roughneck rolled down the window and “WHACK”, the trooper smacked him on the head with the nightstick. “What’d you do that for?” the other Roughneck demanded. “Making your wish come true,” replied the trooper. “Making WHAT wish come true?” the Roughneck asked. “I know you Roughneck types,” The trooper said. “A hundred feet down the road, you would’ve turned to your buddy and said… “I wish that SOB would’ve tried that on me!”

[Patsy©]

Good one Cristy!

[Cristy99]

Thanks Patsy!!
XOX

[JohnDaniels]

I borrowed this from a friend!

Two Roughnecks Headed to Texas. Two Roughnecks from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper. The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick. The Roughneck rolled down the window and WHACK, the trooper smacked him in the head with his nightstick. “What the heck was that for?” the Roughneck asked. “You’re in Texas,” the trooper answered. “When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.” The trooper ran a check on the license and the Roughneck was clean, so he gave him his license back. The trooper then walked around to the passenger side and tapped on the window and the other Roughneck rolled down the window and “WHACK”, the trooper smacked him on the head with the nightstick. “What’d you do that for?” the other Roughneck demanded. “Making your wish come true,” replied the trooper. “Making WHAT wish come true?” the Roughneck asked. “I know you Roughneck types,” The trooper said. “A hundred feet down the road, you would’ve turned to your buddy and said… “I wish that SOB would’ve tried that on me!”

Oh BROTHER! Cristy that is funny. I'll be telling that one for the nest week.

[JohnDaniels]

Meet two of the best buddies in the west: Jack and John. They hunt together, fish together, drag race each other on the back roads, go bowling together, work on cars together, chase women together, defend each other in bar fights, tell stories together ... they even drink together.

After a night of heavy drinking together John and Jack were driving home together. A cop pulled them over and said, "Hey, you two boys look like you've had a few too many tonight."

Jack whispered to John, "John, don't say anything. You get loud and belligerent when you drink and you say stupid stuff to cops. Let me do the talking."

So John clammed up and let Jack do the talking, "Yes sir. Can we help you?"

The cop said "Yeah! I've been following you and watching you swerve all over the road for the last mile or so!"

Jack said "Well-what's-a-matter-with-you? That's just dangerous! And you bein' a cop and all. Ya-oughta know better! Ya should-a pinched us when we pulled out-a the bar! We're willin' to let it slide this time but don't let it happen again! Who do-ya think ya are ... Anyhow?"

John laughed and said, "Yeah, he thinks he's Anyhow. Ha ha ha!"

The cop ordered them out of their car. "Up against the fender! What are you doing driving a car this drunk anyway?"

Jack said "We have to drive officer. We're too drunk to walk"

The boys got a DUI for that and their car impounded.

[JohnDaniels]

After the DUI's and getting their car impounded, Jack and John were on foot.

They were walking home from the bar late one night. Jack said, "Hey John it's late! Let's take a short cut through this field so we can get home before our wives wake up!"

The boys walked through the field and came to a gate. They opened the gate, walked inside a cemetery and fell into 2 open graves and past out.
The next morning they woke up with Jack saying, "Brrrr it's COLD out here!"
John said, "Well no wonder it's cold Jack. You left the gate open and kicked all the dirt off your grave!"

John said, "C'mon buddy we gotta get home before our wives wake up!"
Jack and John hurried home only Johns door was locked and he lost his keys. John backed up and ran toward is door, slamming it with his shoulder and ramming through it so hard he didn't have time to slow down and he ran crashing right through his living room window, falling 3 stories to the sidewalk out front!
Jack heard the crashing and all, so he ran to help his buddy John on the sidewalk!
When he got there he was worried. He said "John! What happened?"
John replied "I dunno, I just got here myself."

That day at work Jack and John met up by the coffee machine in the shop.
Jack asked John "Hey. How'd things go with the little woman after last night?"
John replied "Oh that? Ha! She came to me on her knees this morning?"
Jack said "Really? What did she say?"
John replied "She hollered Come on out from under that bed you lily livered coward!!!"

[JohnDaniels]

A green giraffe, a blue laughing hyena, and a purple snake all walked into a bar one morning.

The bar tender said, "Sorry fellas. Jack and John aren't here yet."

[Cristy99]

HAHAHAHA John!!

That last bit brought one to mind.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face???"

Ha!!!!