Recovery and Break Up

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Recovery and Break Up

Post by jw21 »

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs and always had the will to make it work. Earlier this year he started to change and act different and almost instantly, I became suspicious of drug use. With much ongoing speculation and obvious signs, it was clear he was using heroin, and he had finally admitted it. Willing to go to rehab, his mother and I packed his bags and he left right away for rehab. It was definitely a roller coaster to get him to stay and realize he needed help, and he finally started to realize. He completed treatment and decided to head to California to be in IOP and a sober living facility. He had one slip up with acid, but got himself together and continued on with the program and help. Recently i was able to go and visit him and it was so nice to see him sober and healthy. He was completely the same, with all the medications he's on and still new tonrecocery, however he looked at me, finally, like he use to and it was the greatest thing in the world to get that back.

A few weeks ago, after seeing him, he told me he needed his time and space to focus on himself and recovery and to learn to love himself again. As hard and upsetting it was, i understood and respected this need. Just last night we spoke and he told me he doesn't feel the same way he use to, and expressed how he apparently wasn't happy in our relationship. This is really hard to believe by the way he once was before using and the way he use to look at me. I knew it was real. For him to sit there and tell me he doesn't want to be together anymore is just really confusing to me. He still seems to just have no emotion, and I don't know what else to do. We had so many plans, especially to move to California together, and as usual, he just appears to be running away as usual and wants to just forget everything in his past. What do i do? I love him so dearly and was excited to start over and a new journey together with his sobriety. How could he just forget all the times we shared? PS, i was not an active user with him so i don't see how walking away from me after all we been through comes into play. Can anyone help with some words of advice?
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Re: Recovery and Break Up

Post by clouds »

Hi jw, sorry you have had this heartbreak and loss of hope for your relationship.

It must have been hard to bare that your relationship, after he got some recovery, was not going to go on as expected.

Many marraiges and relationships become better with recovery, but also many of us have had to accept the end of the relationship.

Its nothing that you did wrong.

I don't know if you are in AA or Alanon family groups, but these are so helpful especially in times when there seems nothing but despair. The 12 step program is good for anyone who has expierienced a relationship with an addict. It really works and it can work for you to. I hope maybe that other members of his family will look into these groups as well.

Best wishes.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

Re: Recovery and Break Up

Post by Noels »

Hi jw and welcome to e-aa :D I am sorry for the pain and confusion you are experiencing hon. I can't share anything other than a believe and words I have learned to live by myself and that is - if it wants to leave, let it go. If it comes back to you its yours. If it doesn't, it never was. I find it easier to accept in instances like this that baffles me than to question and I've noticed that somehow it always turns out okay.
Love and light be with you to guide and heal you.
Noels xxx
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Re: Recovery and Break Up

Post by PuppyEars »

Hi welcome. Thanks for the reminder that my story is not unique because you probably just described to a T what my ex would of typed if she were to join here during that time. I can't predict an outcome but I can say from my experience and other guys that have shared their experience with me is that, there is usually a "rehab romance" that happens to us guys the first time in rehab/detox. It usually ends in flames and we come crawling back to you with our tail between our legs begging for another chance.

You take us back and within a short time, we bring the structure crashing down again and again. This is not everyone's experience. This is me saying I am guilty.
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Re: Recovery and Break Up

Post by avaneesh912 »

There are some great couples is recovery, what is common is surrender to what is in their stories. One of the couple I know, the wife came into the rooms earlier than the husband. Recently she picked up double digit anniversary chip and the husband just had a few. I asked him how was the journey before he came in and early phase of his recovery. He summed it all up well, hell. But today they have a wonderful relationship. I could see the program work in both their lives. You may never get together or maybe anything is possible but you may want to join some spiritual organization and have a awakening for yourself. Nothing else matters.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Recovery and Break Up

Post by Roberth »

Hello JW21 and welcome to E-AA Many couples don't last in recovery. I was married to an alcoholic was when we came into AA. Me being an alcoholic I really didn't know what a healthy relationship was and the marriage end in our 7th year of sobriety. I happy to said neither of us drank over it. Can I ask if you are a alcoholic or addict too? You might want to try the Al Anon Family group. they can help you better understand the alcoholic/addict.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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