You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

[Leanna_H]

1. You get kicked out (86'd) from places where you drank because of your odd behavior there!

2. Alcohol is more important than food!

3. If the bartenders ALREADY know what you want to drink when you first walk in.

4. You consider the bars/clubs/pubs/taverns your sacred church

5. When rumors/gossip fly around about you (i.e. you con people about something, they call you crazy, you have sex for free drinks, etc.).

6. The only thing you know how to have fun .

7. (If you're a woman) Your makeup looks like crap when you try to put it on (you look like a clown; WAAYY too much makeup!!).

[Texan]

[Hoj]

1. You rotate liquor stores to avoid judgment.
2. You begin to feel anxious when your bottle is half-empty (and it's never half-full).
3. Happy hour gets earlier and earlier each day.
4. You sacrifice food calories for alcohol calories.
5. You've written down exactly what's on your mind... and mailed it or emailed it to your boss ("the SOB").
6. You have hidey holes all over the house.
7. You store your liquor in Gatorade bottles.
8. Early in your drinking career, it's Stoli's; later, it's Rot Gut
9. When in a liquor store, you pretend you know nothing about vodka, and ask for advice.
10. You try to sound exceptionally normal and intelligent as the clerk is ringing up your hooch.

[Angry1541]

You go to get in your car in the morning and ....it isn't there. You can't remember where you left it or how you got home.

Occasionally on 'The Day After' an evening of intense verbal exchanges my wife and her car were nowhere to be seen.

Marc

No, Tosh, I never hit a mailbox (to my knowledge) but I did, in fact, lose my car one night. I spent the entire next day at work calling towing companies and police departments.

I had a lot of dreams of losing my car from being wasted, but never actually lost...lost myself a number of times...ended in a whole different part of town from where I was heading walking home from a party one night...I mean like miles away from my intended destination (my dorm room), I had to follow the flashing light on top of the power plant smoke stack as beacon to figure out how to get home (and I lived in that town my entire life).

Hmm...wonder where I was going? I just remember a fog lifting and seeing that I was near a park I knew to be in the complete opposite direction from the party I had been at....hmmm....

[Angry1541]

I was with a new guy, second or third date. We were still coming through the door of the liquor store when the clerk set the bottle I always got on the counter.

Nice -- how'd the date go?

[Angry1541]

You might be an alcoholic if.......your day can be ruined by the fact that you put your cigarette out in the beer you just opened instead of the one you just finished (/quote)

Yes!!!!

You also might be an alcoholic if you decide to pour that full beer into a glass so you could pick the cig butt out of it and drink it!

No!!!!

[Angry1541]

You purposefully don't want to go somewhere because there is no alcohol.
You refuse to help someone out with a ride after 6 pm because you'd have to not drink and you admit it.
Your cloths hamper looks suspiciously like a toilet.
You bring 4 more beers than anyone else on a 1 hour boat ride.
You start eyeing up what other people have in their coolers at events, in case you have to mooch.
You drive 1 hour to a different state on Sundays (no liquor sales) in order to have beer in the house.
You have very elaborate physics string theory equations how to get the most to drink when sharing a limited supply with someone else (your wife).
You check WebMD to see if you hangover symptoms aren't really flu or cold symptoms because you couldn't have possibly drank enough to be so hung over your pores are visibly oozing un-processed alcohol.
You plan group events solely on the acceptability of drinking at a given event.


You beer/wine for cooking with, but change the menu because one ingredient is mysteriously used up.

[turbo]

You might be an alcoholic AND a redneck if: You leave your wife (who is in labor) sitting in the truck, while you go in the liquor store to get a big jug of busthead bugjuice, cuz "honey tomarrow is Sunday and the store ain't open". Yes I did exactly
that and 30 years later because of A.A. we are still married and I am 15 yrs. sober.


And my grammer is better.


But not my spelling.

Turbo

[turbo]

p.s.It was a boy.



Turbo

[chefchip]

It was a boy.... But... you left us hanging...... WERE you an alcoholic? Seriously, congrats and thanks for posting that. Nice to laugh. Stupid blue laws!

[ArboribusTaxeiz]

You "Might" be an alcoholic if?

You keep on waking up with a map of Africa on the crotch of your jeans.

(Sorry).

Brilliant.

[ArboribusTaxeiz]

Guilty as sin.

[Astrid]

you take poops on the side of the road while intoxicated and somehow think that makes you a bad a**

[Texan]

I don't know what made me think of this, but when I was drinking, I would keep a sleeve of Styrofoam cups on top of the ice box in the laundry room as that's where my ice maker is. Occasionally my wife would walk through the kitchen as I was pouring myself a drink and would gripe at me for pouring so much liquor in the cup. My justification was that the mouth of the cup was much wider than the base, thus it 'just looked' like I was pouring a lot of liquor in the cup. The truth is that I would pour the liquor in the cup over a few ice cubes and rarely would pour any water into it to dilute the liquor.

I really don't miss all the crap I used to put my family through, nor do I miss the crap I was on the receiving end of with my drinking. Now I just get chewed on for indulging in my new addiction. Collecting ammunition.

[Lali]

I don't know what made me think of this, but when I was drinking, I would keep a sleeve of Styrofoam cups on top of the ice box in the laundry room as that's where my ice maker is. Occasionally my wife would walk through the kitchen as I was pouring myself a drink and would gripe at me for pouring so much liquor in the cup. My justification was that the mouth of the cup was much wider than the base, thus it 'just looked' like I was pouring a lot of liquor in the cup. The truth is that I would pour the liquor in the cup over a few ice cubes and rarely would pour any water into it to dilute the liquor.

I really don't miss all the crap I used to put my family through, nor do I miss the crap I was on the receiving end of with my drinking. Now I just get chewed on for indulging in my new addiction. Collecting ammunition.

I was a very sophisticated drinker even while at home. At home, I drank my wine out of a big red plastic solo cup filled to the top. My boyfriend (not one of us) must have thought I was a real classy gal.