You Might Be An Alcoholic If?

[Feeya]

If you pee in someones front yard and you accidentally pee on their daily news papers.

If someone else has to tell you that you just peed your pants in the middle of the dance floor.

If you have to go around town all day long to find your car after a party, only to realise, by the time you found it, that you have no idea where you left the keys.

[Noels]

If you vomit in a Jacuzzi full of people.
If you can't find your car parked by the door of the pub
If you hide you booze so well you can't find it yourself
If you light your cigarette butt side
If you're too tired to get up from the bathroom floor to go to bed so you just sleep right there
If your wineglass got bigger and bigger - in the end I had a 550ml wineglass . Proper wineglass. as big as a flower pot. So I always only had 3 glasses. Big ass glasses

Love this topic. Nice to be able to laugh at our insanity now

[Dan2000]

You come home and see that there's a head of lettuce in the fridge, so you decide to make a salad, but the head of lettuce is actually a head of cabbage...


You are found by a neighbor sleeping in her car and she needs to go to work.

You run over 30 feet of chain link fence, then decide it's nap time, while your truck is still on the fence and when the cops arrive and ask you, if you ran over the fence, you say no.

You flip your car over on it's roof,after hitting a concrete tree planter, then crawl out the window, someone asks if they can help you with anything and you reply, yeah...get me a beer.

[PaigeB]

You flip your car over on it's roof,after hitting a concrete tree planter, then crawl out the window, someone asks if they can help you with anything and you reply, yeah...get me a beer.

I resemble that remark!

[K225]

Old post, but I'll add to it for fun.

You might be an alcoholic if:

-When alcohol does its taxes it lists you as a dependent.

-"Taking the edge off" sometimes transitions into "Good morning! Where the f*ck am I?!"

-You have a drink between drinks.

-You can't stand to be in a room full of sober people. Especially when that sober person is you.

-You think drinking makes you smarter because you can't remember doing anything stupid while blacked out.

-Bars call the bar you're drinking in, wondering when you're coming home.

-Your last drink of today is the first drink of tomorrow.

-Your hangovers can be seen from space.

-Wild Turkey 101 neat tastes watered down.

-You sometimes misplace yourself.

-When you donate blood, they store it in oak barrels.

-You can see your breath in July.

-Tequila not only has your number, you're on top of it's speed dial.

-Contrary to conflicting testimony from a large number of unreliable sources, you were a perfect gentlemen last night.

-You want to rid the world of booze-one drink at a time.

[Moosbrugger]

For a long time, ALL my bags clinked

[PaigeB]

[michmjon]

I was staying at a hotel in San Diego before my drinking days - got in late and got to the restaurant just before midnight and had a quiet dinner then around 1 AM went up to my room. I stepped out of the elevator only to see some guy propping himself up against the wall next to the ice machine trying to open the door to fill his bucket. I could smell the bourbon on his breath from five feet away. Here's the best part- he was naked as the day he was born! He actually turned and asked me if I could help him! I walked over and filed his ice bucket for him then he thanked me and started to stagger down the hall. I was laughing my ass off watching him when suddenly he stopped, turned back around and said he couldn't remember where his room was. I asked him if he had his key card and he stared at me for a few seconds then muttered "Oh S***!" I ended up taking him to my room and calling the front desk for him and told them to bring his key card up to my room. While I was waiting for someone to come up, he walked into the bathroom and passed out sitting on the toilet. When the front desk clerk came up about 15 minutes later we had to carry him back to his room and put him to bed.

[Noels]

i heard this one the other day ....

I got so drunk last night i walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest!

Mwah xxx Noels

[michmjon]

1) You might be an alcoholic if you know you bought a bottle that morning and spend three hours tearing apart your house to find it.
2) You might be an alcoholic if you carry on a one hour conversation with your own sister and keep calling her ma'am because you can't remember her name.
3) You might be an alcoholic if you open your phone bill and see a three hour billing for a call to Germany and SWEAR you never made the call, even though you are the only person in the house who speaks German and knows anyone in Germany.

Yup- all three happened to me.

[michmjon]

A couple more:

You might be an alcoholic if you wake up to your spouse kicking you and screaming, you open your eyes and find that your on the laundry room floor with your head wedged between the washer and dryer. (that one was the last straw)

You might be an alcoholic if you come back from the bathroom with a house full of guests and you have pee all over your pants leg.

You might be an alcoholic if your mother calls you in the morning and asks why you suddenly decided you needed a bath while she was over the previous evening and ten minutes later were found in the the bathtub and it was still running, overflowing and you were lying in it fully clothed.

[Jiro]

Half of the titles in your Netflix "Continue Watching" list are movies you've never heard of.

[KrisF]

I remember before i got sober I was in a weight loss program and you were allowed a certain amount of points a day for food and drink. i looked up wine and rum and saw how many points it was so i ate toast and some fruit and left the rest of my allotment for alcohol. That was a signpost

[Layne]

I remember before i got sober I was in a weight loss program and you were allowed a certain amount of points a day for food and drink. i looked up wine and rum and saw how many points it was so i ate toast and some fruit and left the rest of my allotment for alcohol. That was a signpost

Weight has never been an issue for me, but somehow... go figure... I can still relate...LOl :~), although I probably would have skipped on the toast and fruit as well because that would cut into my allotment for alcohol. God I love this program!

[Jiro]

Instead of being all "T.G.I.F," you actually dread the weekends because you know how hungover you're going to end up.