The Big Book and selfishness

The book Alcoholics Anonymous, aka The Big Book, is the basic text for the AA program of sobriety. "Alcoholics Anonymous" Copyright 2012 AAWS, Inc. All Rights, Reserved. Short excerpts used by permission of AAWS
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Buckeye1988
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The Big Book and selfishness

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It doesn't take long before one finds out that the book doesn't focus much on the problem after Ch.4. Instead there is a rapid push to focus on the solution. One thing I think people get hung up on there is the word selfish.

So, here is the Websters dictionary definition of selfish.

Selfish: To be excessively and exclusively concerned with one's self. Seeking one's own pleasure or advantage without regard of others.

That does not mean I'm bad. It just means I'm selfish. So, Ive trained myself to look at this factually instead of judgmently, because a lot of these words carry a lot of judgment. Otherwise I won't look. The Third Step prayer illustrates this, that it's all about "God help me to be helpfu to others" because if I'm taking I'm out of harmony with Love. Im out of harmony with God. And it doesn't matter of I believe in God or not. If I do what is tge opposite if selfishness this will work. In fact, I came to believe after I wrote some inventory. I couldn't force myself to believe in something that I didn't believe in. I had to take some action.

Love gives. It's the opposite of selfishness, and all we are doing here in the 4th step and on is to reverse the selfishness. Now, if I think I'm a bad person will I be wiling to try to help others? No. I won't have a spiritual experience of love if I feel like a failure. That's why looking for our part in things throws so many people. We're not looking for our part. We are looking for our own mistakes. Because if I have a part then you have a part and I haven't put you completely out of my mind.

What ends up happening is that I become judgemental of you. I pardon instead of forgive you, and I retain my judgment of you.

"I'm right your wrong but I forgive you, I'm better than you." I see your part.

And we walk around angry in AA and wonder why. Do I need outside help we ask. Heck yeah! :lol: but if I can't walk away from my 4th step with a weight being lifted then not much will have changed except I quit drinking. Step 5 talks about this. We thought we had come along way in being able to ask to see others as innocent as myself; I'm now going to share this entire revelation with another person. Starting out we can actually take one single resentment, write on it, share our discovery with someone and go through making amends etc and you will have a spiritual experience.

I did this for two months 3days a week talking to a sponsor reading him my discoveries from my 4th column as my 5th step. The universe shifted. People I had deep grief and resentment over i saw them differently and they called me out of the blue. I didn't have to hunt anyone down. The universe just opens up opportunities to make amends and restore the balance. AA is a program about now. What's in front of us right now. It surely doesn't want us going back and dragging through everyone's part. :roll:

Well, this is turning into a Step Study so I'll close.
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PaigeB
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Re: The Big Book and selfishness

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And it doesn't matter of I believe in God or not. If I do what is tge opposite if selfishness this will work. In fact, I came to believe after I wrote some inventory. I couldn't force myself to believe in something that I didn't believe in. I had to take some action.
I am SO glad you said this! I was afraid to tell anyone that I didn't fall on my knees and Believe before I started writing my 4th Step stuff... even MANY years later I retained this fear that I hadn't quite fully "came to believe" or turned my will and my life over (even though it only says "made a decision"). Then, magically, after my 4 & 5th Step Actions, I suddenly felt I needed to return to 1-3! Just like the book says in the 6th, I looked back of the first 5 proposals. I felt an Awakening, even if I only deemed it an intellectual one. I was finally able to move forward - for the first time in my life. Especially the first 4 & 5th, I felt a lifetime or resentments and hurt dissipate into the imaginations that they were to begin with.

I was so focused on Self - them hurting ME - that I remained stuck with no Solution. Working the Steps changed that.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB
Buckeye1988
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Re: The Big Book and selfishness

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PaigeB that's a good way to be continously rocketed into the 4th dimension
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PaigeB
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Re: The Big Book and selfishness

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There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98
Gleaned from the Nov. 4th (3rd & 5th?) Daily Reflections...
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB
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