Putting in more work than the sponsee

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
newsponsor
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Re: comments on Putting in more work than the sponsee

Post by newsponsor »

Thank you for all of the responses. I had a conversation with my sponsee and we were able to come to a compromise. I have loosen the reigns. I realize, with the help of the comments on this forum, that I was trying to be too controlling (hey, I'm an alcoholic, we like control). While sponsorship helps the sponsors, its primary focus is to help whomever they are sponsoring. While I don't particularly enjoy her not respecting appointments, I need to accept where she is in her life and program in order to better help her. While I admit it's uncomfortable, especially because I needed the rigidity of my sponsor's program to help with my sobriety, I can't just have one set way of teaching things (in general and in sobriety).
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Tommy-S
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Re: Putting in more work than the sponsee

Post by Tommy-S »

Hello there,

While sponsorship helps the sponsors, its primary focus is to help whomever they are sponsoring.

And I beg to differ... "WE give it away to keep it" is the Paradox I was taught.

Step 1 very clearly states I'm powerless over Alcohol... That's mine or anyone else's.

When I begin to sponsor anyone, I ensure they know that it'll keep me sober, and inform them they will be able to do so, too, if they follow the path.

Like me when I started, they will need a Power Greater than themselves if they are to beat the Drink, and I am NOT a Higher Power. That only came through working the Steps, the Spiritual Awakening AS THE RESULT.... It wasn't from a Friend, Sponsor, Home Group, or Meeting.... It came from doing the work.

For those who can not or will not 'do the work', I wish them well and move on...lest I waste the chance to help someone else. It's as simple as that.

Fortunately, I have worked some with guys who have found this Power through working the Steps, and gone on to live useful, good lives. But I don't take any credit for their success.

I can't make 'em Drink, I can't make them Stop. Powerless. Being on the firing line watching them come and go keeps it 'green' for me, and reminds me that I don't ever want to lose what I was given because of the Action I take in AA.

Tommy

BTW... If the biggest problem you have today is how to help some other alkie, you're doing good. Keep Trudging. It IS a Road of Happy Destiny
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!
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Layne
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Re: Putting in more work than the sponsee

Post by Layne »

Thanks for the update. I love that recovery can be a continual learning experience as long as I stay open minded. Lessons like coexistence leads to serenity. Control does not. The lessons just keep coming and I am grateful for that.
Cindyinthe6

Re: comments on Putting in more work than the sponsee

Post by Cindyinthe6 »

newsponsor wrote: Sun Apr 05, 2020 2:54 pm Thank you for all of the responses ...
I need to accept where she is in her life and program in order to better help her. While I admit it's uncomfortable, especially because I needed the rigidity of my sponsor's program to help with my sobriety, I can't just have one set way of teaching things (in general and in sobriety).
Thank you for sharing and helping us all stay sober! I also had a strict sponsor when I was new, and working with her gave me a strong foundation. But I have also never had a sponsee who wanted the program as much as I did so I understand your dilemma and admire the way you've resolved it. You are teachable, and that's a major key to recovery.
Tommy-S wrote: Sun Apr 05, 2020 4:17 pm ... can't make 'em Drink, I can't make them Stop. Powerless. Being on the firing line watching them come and go keeps it 'green' for me, and reminds me that I don't ever want to lose what I was given because of the Action I take in AA.
BTW... If the biggest problem you have today is how to help some other alkie, you're doing good. Keep Trudging. It IS a Road of Happy Destiny
Thanks for this, Tommy-S. I think it's what makes AA different from any other program - it's not self-help exactly, because we help each other, but it's also not therapy where the "patient" is passive. Or as my old sponsor used to say, "It's just the magic of AA"

Cindyinthe6
=geek
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