Need a sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Joltbolt
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Need a sponsor

Post by Joltbolt » Tue Mar 04, 2014 10:23 pm

I have been attending meeting for sometime now but have not been able to sober up for long, I keep slipping time and again. I know I have to do the steps to recover, I have read the Big book and watched lots of videos on the step work. But what happens at the meetings where I live is quite contrart to what is given in the Big book, there is absolutely no emphasis on the steps. I keep getting told that I should stay sober for at least 60 days before i start the step work. I dont understand how to stay sober for 60 days, tried many times but failed. I dont understand, Should I get sober to do the steps or do the steps to get sober.
Anyway, ther are some great videos on Youtube that help with the true understanding of the programe, and with their help I have finished my 4th step. With the 5th step I have hit a brick wall. I could not find a single person in my local group who has completed the step work. Some have been at it for 5 years and still midway. I am very serious about doing the programme in the right way because I really really want to recover from alcoholism. I have everything to live for and AA seems to be my only hope. I need a sposor who understands the proprame like it is mentioned in the Big book and someone who has done the 12 steps like the way it is suggested in the Big book.

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PaigeB
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by PaigeB » Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:37 am

E-aa has temporary sponsors available
http://www.e-aa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=5297

Hope you find someone who can work the Steps with you. It was (is) the Steps that saved my life. :)
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

TonyWARMS
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by TonyWARMS » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:02 am

Hi, joltbolt
Welcome.
Everybody has there own thing in AA.
You can start doing the steps on your own right now, and bring up to someone you know has worked the program for a while, that you have questions.
Don't wait, if you don't want to.

Peace, Tony
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)

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ann2
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by ann2 » Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:28 am

You can join this online group, which includes many who have taken the steps. Many of those have sponsored via the internet. Stick around, get to know people on the group, and figure out who's got the sobriety you want. Then ask him to sponsor you via email or pm.

The way we do it F2F works online as well.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Lali
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Lali » Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:23 am

Joltbolt wrote: But what happens at the meetings where I live is quite contrart to what is given in the Big book, there is absolutely no emphasis on the steps.
I find this very troubling. I want to shake people :oops: and say the STEPS ARE THE PROGRAM! Aaaaaargh! You are very wise to recognize that this is a problem. Are there are other groups available to you that do put the emphasis on the steps?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Brock
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Brock » Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:30 pm

Congratulations to you for starting the steps on your own, I did the same thing and ran into the same problem you now face, who will listen to my fifth step ? On page 74 it is shown that we can choose a variety of persons to do this with, unfortunately this step should not be done while looking at the clock, and I found that trying to do it with a psychiatrist would run me into several appointments and a lot of $. Since in the past I had attended church I thought of speaking to a priest, but again the time factor came in, the church didn’t like the plan of me speaking for as long as it takes, priests have other things to do. If for you the cost is not that important then the psychiatrist is a good choice, and if you go to church you can try your luck there, might find a priest willing to give the time. The main thing the book explains, apart from picking someone who will keep their mouth shut, is that you explain what you are doing, the person must understand this is part of the AA program, perhaps even show them a few pages on the step. In my own case the problem was solved when I visited NA, I found a person who knew the steps and they came to my apartment, spent a couple of hours and I had a very good experience doing it.

I agree that the you tube site is the best for listening to speakers, but you want to be fairly sure that you have covered the work required in the 4th. The site I found most useful for this can be found by typing on Google the search words – AA Way of life – Working step 4 – Barefoot’s world. Here you will find a lot of fine written stuff, and forms you can download, using this I was very well prepared when the person came, this cut down greatly on the time we took . Push on with this step, it is where many of us get the feeling that the monkey is off our back, best of luck to you.

Brock.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Tosh
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Tosh » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:07 pm

Joltbolt wrote: Anyway, ther are some great videos on Youtube that help with the true understanding of the programe, and with their help I have finished my 4th step. With the 5th step I have hit a brick wall. I could not find a single person in my local group who has completed the step work.
If you really have went to any lengths to find a face-to-face sponsor, my suggestion is that you find a local clergyman, or Buddhist monk; or someone of that ilk and explain to them that you need an understanding ear for a 5th Step. Show them the bit out of the Big Book that explains the process.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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ann2
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by ann2 » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:13 pm

With an online sponsor there is the possibility of Skype for a fifth step among other face-to-face needs.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Joltbolt
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Joltbolt » Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:51 pm

ann2 wrote:With an online sponsor there is the possibility of Skype for a fifth step among other face-to-face needs.

Ann
Yes, Skype. That sounds great. It is the next best thing to f2f I guess.

Joltbolt
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Joltbolt » Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:55 pm

I agree that the you tube site is the best for listening to speakers, but you want to be fairly sure that you have covered the work required in the 4th. The site I found most useful for this can be found by typing on Google the search words – AA Way of life – Working step 4 – Barefoot’s world. Here you will find a lot of fine written stuff, and forms you can download, using this I was very well prepared when the person came, this cut down greatly on the time we took . Push on with this step, it is where many of us get the feeling that the monkey is off our back, best of luck to you.

Brock.[/quote]


I am sure that I can find someone who would listen to me and keep their mouth shut but since I have started on the steps by myself, I want someone to review my work so far along with doing the 5th step with me. Hence I need someone who has already done the steps and has sponsored people succesfully in the past.

Joltbolt
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Joltbolt » Wed Mar 05, 2014 6:02 pm

Lali wrote:
Joltbolt wrote: But what happens at the meetings where I live is quite contrart to what is given in the Big book, there is absolutely no emphasis on the steps.
I find this very troubling. I want to shake people :oops: and say the STEPS ARE THE PROGRAM! Aaaaaargh! You are very wise to recognize that this is a problem. Are there are other groups available to you that do put the emphasis on the steps?

Unfortunetly all three of the groups available to me are the same, I was told a load of bullshit except the steps, none of them worked so I turned to the interent. Thats when I realised that these advises were not AA. However it really amazed me as to how these people stayed sober for so many years without working the steps. I thought I could be like them, take the easy road and be sober. Wasted 6 months trying that, for some reason I cant seem to stay sober like them. I have to do the steps and do them right.

tjansen
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by tjansen » Sun Jun 01, 2014 11:00 pm

Hello,

I can sponsor you on Skype. I have been sober for over thirty years, but more importantly, I continue to learn from my sponsor about the steps, the Big Book, and about sponsoring, and I work and grow from the Tenth and Eleventh Steps every day. This for me has been the real spiritual growth of the program.

I sponsored myself through the fourth step the first time, thirty-plus years ago, and totally missed the point of the step. Then, I never did learn how to do the Tenth and Eleventh Steps until I was sponsoring someone in Thailand, where I live, a couple of years ago. When we got to Step Ten, within a few weeks of his quitting drinking , I realized I didn't know what Step Ten consisted of, so I got a new sponsor and started learning. This was about two years ago.

I think you can miss a lot by self-sponsoring. The Big Book is simple, and, I have been told, and believe, sometimes over-simple. I needed help from someone to explain the details.

Gratefully in service and recovery,
Tom

Fignolia
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Fignolia » Sun Apr 19, 2015 7:30 pm

Hi All -

I've been attending some meetings (39 days sober) but am unsure of how to get a sponsor. Should I announce I need one? Approach a friendly face after the meeting? I really think it's time to get rolling on the steps. Any advice is helpful. Thanks.

Fig

Lali
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Re: Need a sponsor

Post by Lali » Sun Apr 19, 2015 8:23 pm

I agree - it is time to start the steps! In the meetings I attend, after the readings at the beginning, the chairperson asks if anyone has anything that is affecting their sobriety or serenity that they would like to share. That would be an appropriate time to announce that you are looking for a sponsor. Also, at the end of the meetings, the chair asks if anyone has any burning desires. That's a good time too. Or when the chair asks if anyone has any announcements.

Your idea of approaching someone one on one after the meeting is good as well.

However you do it....just do it!! Good luck.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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