Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

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Noels

Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by Noels » Mon Apr 04, 2016 11:53 pm

Good morning folks. I have a quick question - We work from home so we have a separate office side in the house with a bathroom that gets used by us, my sister who is staff and clients.
I have a little book I call " daily runts" where I would write little upsets that happens occasionally. This is a funny little book as it is printed with all sorts of direct funny little statements such as You are or think you are such an idiot, driving me crazy, a wanker, outrageous, soft in the head, etc etc. Just very direct little sayings where I can just tick the box which sort of describes what I feel toward that person at that particular moment. This morning I found my little book in the office bathroom and I felt upset as this is for my personal use, contains personal hurts and is not intended at " toilet reading ".
I asked my hubby whether he put my little book there where everyone could read what I wrote. He came back saying oh shux I'm sorry I didn't realize you've used it. I was reading some stuff in the back of the book today.
That is a bunch of BS. There is thank God only 1 inscription at the moment but it is my personal feelings at a particular moment. I share everything with my family but dear Lord. Surely I have a right to 1 private little book where I can be honest with myself without someone else reading about it?
Would that count as a valid upset or should it go down on my resentment list in step 4 and if so, please give me an idea of what the character defect could be that I should look at.
Much appreciated, thank you and have an awesome day.
Mwah
Love and Light
Noels xxx

Robert R
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Re: Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by Robert R » Tue Apr 05, 2016 12:16 am

Similar situation. In my early sobriety a private conversation was overheard and repeated. I was angry until I realised my anger stemmed from embarrassment that my judgemental nature had been laid bare. Added judgemental to my defects list and worked on that. Glad now that the situation arose.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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PaigeB
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Re: Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by PaigeB » Tue Apr 05, 2016 12:28 am

All we can control is our own behavior. Hide the book under your mattress.

I was really worried hubby would get into my 4th Step so I kept it in my purse ~ a place where he respects my space.

Remember we made them crazy for years... you change and it will all change. Might want to get him some Alanon literature!

:D :) :lol: :)
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

Noels

Re: Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by Noels » Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:53 am

:lol: thanks guys. I overreacted a bit. When he came back I told him I was genuinely upset about the fact that he could take my little book. (hehehehe I realize I felt very "protective" over this little book without even knowing it :lol: ). Anycase, he said he honestly did not read what I wrote and didn't even realize I wrote anything in it. He just grabbed it from my desk to read on the loo as the little blocks are genuinely very funny. Be that as it may, I realised that although its something silly it brought up something in me which I should indeed look at as I was angry and felt disrespected. Then I remembered the Big Book also mentions that something that could be happening now is due to a behaviour we ourselves have " set in place" or started many years ago or previously in our life. (not exact words - just how my deurmekaar brain is bringing it out but I'm sure you get the meaning). So jip, this incident definitely happened so I could dig deeper so it will go down on my list to be looked at and discussed when my list is completed.
I have however very nicely told hubby that he keeps his fingers off my little book. :lol: its mine and mine alone :lol: he can grab the cheque book lying next to my little book next time but youre right. From hereon my list AND my little book will be with me at all times. :lol: Unfortunately the purse idea wont work - both hubby and my son help themselves to whatever is in there.
Have an awesome day and please send some more ideas on possible character defects relating to this particular incident if it comes to mind. It can only help me.
Chat again later
Mwah xxx
Noels

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positrac
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Re: Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by positrac » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:02 am

Privacy is important and it is our responsibility. I would say that your "staff" should understand that the "boss" has things and they should respect that as it is about the bottom line----- clients or whatever.

Live and learn.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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PaigeB
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Re: Would this be a valid upset or a resentment?

Post by PaigeB » Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:59 am

I think this would have me shopping for a library of funny loo books.

Wrap your little book with a ribbon and attach a note that says "private"... Once I wrote on page once, "For those whose eyes dare to partake, will surely feel the bite of the snake!" And I thought it was the words that would bite, not me. My brain was like "That'll teach 'em! They will read my resentment against them before I have a chance to clean it up!" Ohh hahaha - but, it still had a way of eating at me.

Step 10 advises us to tell someone else and you have added it to your written list. If it continues to bug you, call that gal who was hearing your 5th or another trusted female. Chances are they have a similar experience AND you might be helping them with your call!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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