Emotional Rollercoaster

For recovery discussion
Post Reply
Zeezee15
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2016 6:01 pm

Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by Zeezee15 »

Once again 5 days into sobriety after having relapsed at a dinner party on the 2nd. Feeling like it's all I can do to hold myself together. Mornings start with a headache, coffee helps, almost a manic like happiness for most of the day then around the afternoon I'm irritable and snappy. Things that shouldn't bother normal people are seriously irritating. I have no patience and I can't deal when things don't go my way or change. I feel like I'm feeling feelings x100 and don't know how to handle them, good or bad. I started smoking again after a month of not at all. Desperately trying to feel grounded
feeling very guilty about all of this and how it's affectingly husband and daughter, feeling like I'm ruining their lives with my problems

User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3743
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by Tosh »

Hi Zeezee,

I took a look at your backposts to see what you've been doing in recovery so far, and I didn't see much apart from you were planning to go to a meeting. Did you go?

Recovery isn't something that just happens when we stop drinking, it's not passive, the word recovery is a verb; it's something we 'do'. In fact, when we stop drinking, that's when the real problem starts; living sober. I think it's why we alcoholics have such high suicide rates; we end up in a position where we can't keep on drinking, yet we can't live sober.

Can I ask you what you plan is?

I've just re-read my post and it seems kind of harsh; I should soften it (maybe?), but my dog needs letting out to go wee wees!

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Robert R
Forums Contributor
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:53 am
Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by Robert R »

Hi Zeezee, Irritable, discontent. Familiar territory, unmanagability with or without alcohol. I only found relief by getting to meetings, and doing the steps with another alcoholic then living the programme as laid out for us in the BB. The seven happiest years of my life followed. There for you too if you want it and work it.

Best Wishes,
Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 2071
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by ezdzit247 »

Zeezee15 wrote:Once again 5 days into sobriety after having relapsed at a dinner party on the 2nd. Feeling like it's all I can do to hold myself together. Mornings start with a headache, coffee helps, almost a manic like happiness for most of the day then around the afternoon I'm irritable and snappy. Things that shouldn't bother normal people are seriously irritating. I have no patience and I can't deal when things don't go my way or change. I feel like I'm feeling feelings x100 and don't know how to handle them, good or bad. I started smoking again after a month of not at all. Desperately trying to feel grounded feeling very guilty about all of this and how it's affectingly husband and daughter, feeling like I'm ruining their lives with my problems
Hi Zeezee

Congratulations on five days of sobriety!

My ESH is that it's better to deal with withdrawals from one addiction at a time. Detoxing from alcohol can present enough mental/emotional challenges--like the emotional roller coaster ride you're experiencing--and enough physical discomfort without compounding the effects by trying to withdraw from nicotine at the same time. The AA program has a 24 hour plan for staying sober. It's called "one day at a time" and it worked really well for me. If going without a drink for 24 hours seems too long, we go without a drink for one hour at a time or one minute at a time or one heartbeat at a time. Whatever time frame works best for staying away from that first drink. Going to AA meetings and surrounding myself with other sober alcoholics who were also not drinking one day at a time was the most comfortable way for me to stay sober. Still is. Listening to other members share their experience, hope and strength at meetings about how the program worked for them helped to get me out of myself and shifted my attention away from me and my problems to others for at least an hour. Going to AA meetings helped me realize that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the only person in the world who had a drinking problem, that other alcoholics had been through or were going through the same things I was and were making a new life for themselves by using AA's solution. That gave me a lot of hope that the program would work for me too. I went to lots and lots of meetings when I was first getting sober, sometimes two or three a day, and that worked really well for me. Glad you found the forums here, Zeezee. Please feel free to ask any questions on your mind.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reborn
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 501
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 6:20 pm

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by Reborn »

We all have been where you are...I know how tough it is in the beginning. Thats why we suggest you get to meetings so you can be around like minded people. How it worked for me is after I got out of the hospital on a medical detox I went to meetings everyday. I had a big book already and had been reading it because I was desperate to find a way out. I got a sponsor right away and we didn't mess around we got into action. I found a freedom in the 12 steps that I have never felt...and a life of sane and happy usefulness. I can tell you're desperate...we call that a gift...USE IT. If you don't want your life to be the way it is you have to be willing to do something different. Give AA a chance...it saved this hopeless alcoholic from himself.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132

User avatar
Niagara
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:38 am

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by Niagara »

Hi Zeezee.

I remember that feeling well...you are not different.

Indeed that snappy, irritable, no patience feeling is invariably what led me to drinking again. The big book refers to it as 'irritable, restless, discontent'. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof.
My mind would tell me that taking a drink was the only way to get rid of that feeling, and pretty soon I'd forget the horrid stuff that went along with that drinking, and only remember the so called good times, which had long since passed. I could never summon up the willpower to resist it very long. Hence why simply stopping drinking just didn't work for me. Willpower, whilst I had it in bucketloads for other things, failed me utterly with alcohol. I was without defense against the first drink...and once I start that first drink, I can't stop, leading to pass out, black out, and other stuff that ain't too fun.

So, if I'm without defense against the first drink, I need a defense. I need a power greater than myself, because my own willpower is of no use to me here.

I got access to those things through DOING a 12 step program. Didn't want to, had no choice. If I didn't, I was a dead woman walking. Despite my reservations, it was the best move I ever made, and it's affected my life on so many levels I cannot imagine living without this program that I didn't want to do now.

For me I had to get it down to black and white. Continue as I was, trying and failing, destroying my family in the process, and eventually dying of this disease, or throwing myself at the solution for all I was worth. The choices I was left with...do it or die. I did it. I knew I was screwed without it.

best wishes. Give it a go...alcoholism never gets any better.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

bordeauxln
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2016 4:48 pm

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by bordeauxln »

Hi zeezee,
when I first sobered up I was very irritable. I started to go to meetings. It helped. Meetings for me were a lot like my drinking. The more I drank the worse I felt. the more meetings the better I felt. I will never forget my last drink. it took me 3 weeks to eat or drink anything. To be able to feel like a human. I was in a lot of pain both mentally and physically. I couldn't do it anymore except to die. It was that painful.
I'm grateful to be able to remember why I quit, and thank you for reminding me of how I know what would eventually lead to death for me. I always remember how I looked in the mirror and knew I would die from drinking. That was very sad. Today it's grate to b alive.
However meetings are neverending. I need them like I needed that beer. We are like men who have lost their legs they never grew new ones. That says a lot there. I'm grateful for the fellowship. I only ever wanted to be able to face a day without taking a drink.
Thanks for listening.

User avatar
whipping post
Forums Contributor
Posts: 379
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:20 am

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by whipping post »

Hi Zeezee,

Early sobriety isn't easy that's for sure but don't let it push you back into that hole. Physical changes happening to our bodies, emotions we have dulled with booze, and the obsession with alcohol is a load for anyone to handle. The solution for the emotions and obsession are found in working the steps. The sooner you get into those the sooner you can stop feeling the need to keep barely hanging on for twenty four hours, or one hour, at a time. I stayed in that "24 hour a day plan" cycle for three months when I quit drinking and it's a rough way to live. I wouldn't recommend staying in it any longer than necessary. As I and others have said, the solution is in working the steps. Not necessarily perfectly but to the best of our ability. That puts the irritable, restless, and discontent feeling to bed as long as we are willing to keep at it.

User avatar
clouds
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 949
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: France

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by clouds »

Welcome ZeeZee

I know that feeling you're experiencing. For me the only thing for it was to shift my focus onto getting to meetings and listening for exactly how othr alcholics wre staying sober, then doing what they said. As everyone has been good at relating for you here (good topic by the way ) what worked for them, I'll rerecommend AA meetings, listening and also reading the AA book from the beginning of the book right through. I began seeing the similarities of my drinking in other AA's and when I read how the book describes alcoholism it gave me relief from the desire to drink because I began to undestand how my thinking and actions had kept me on a merry-go-round of drunkeness for years. Sounds like you are seeing that in yourself too. So then I knew I wasnt alone and if other alcoholics had recovered by doing the 12 steps then there was hope for me if I did them.

I needed directions though. I found those from others in AA and by reading the book of AA myself.
No one in th groups demanded a lot from me. The whole thing was free and I just listened until I figured out how they were doing it.

We are all here for you.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8745
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by PaigeB »

Mornings start with a headache, coffee helps, almost a manic like happiness for most of the day then around the afternoon I'm irritable and snappy.
I remember early in sobriety I was screaming my way through the afternoon and finally cried to my mom, an RN and a Poison Control Specialist, "I don't know WHY I feel this way!" She asked me how many cups of coffee I drank in the day and it turns out that, without alcohol, one cup was too many! Especially if I was drinking coffee at the meeting the night before. Caffeine has a long "half-life" and I was getting too much! So I switched to half-caff for a while.

Headaches can be caused by mild dehydration, try some extra water during the day.

Also, I had a chronic pain condition which I did not notice while drinking, go figure. That latent pain made me crabby in the afternoons and later in the day. I suggest a full physical workup, being honest about cessation of alcohol. Discuss any prescriptions in detail considering addiction possibilities. Ask a lot of questions and see about your ability to call the nurses during the day if any new questions or circumstances arise.

Remember that doctors, even today, are not fully versed in Alcoholics Anonymous and may having varying views on successes in AA or no knowledge at all. A doctor may only be prescribe or refer to treatment, unless they are also alcoholic. These are discussions you could and should have. I know that for me I did not need/want any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs, nor did I need/want treatment. AA had what I wanted and it seemed the people I met had very good success. In the end, I took some AA literature to my doctor, got some treatment for my pain and threw myself into the AA program to achieve some sanity & sobriety.

Keep coming back Zeezee!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

User avatar
tyg
Forums Contributor
Posts: 479
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:34 pm

Re: Emotional Rollercoaster

Post by tyg »

You will be okay and it isn't worth beating yourself up for having a ciggy. Carry on...enjoy those smokes and don't worry about quitting just yet, maybe give it a couple months or so. Quitting several addictions at once can be quite maddening. It helps to focus on one addiction at a time. I remember the emotions running wild in my early days. Between the chemistry changes in my body and brain having to deal with life with no booze at all was definitely rough at first.
Go to meetings
~~Work the steps with another alcoholic who has taken the steps with another alcoholic
~~Have a home group, show up regularly, be in service there and participate in their group conscious meeting
~~Then trust God, clean house and work with others

Pretty simple program that changed my whole life around. Until then.... I was in delusional thinking that I was getting better, "Just not drinking." Take liquor out of the picture and things do appear to get better. But it doesn't last and it's not enough for permanent sobriety, a new way of living, and a happy contented life. I had to find out the hard way because I used to work the AA program as I saw fit... :x AA told me I would relapse doing it that way, but I was sure I knew what I was doing...lol
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

Post Reply