Sponsor breach of trust

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Sponsor breach of trust

Post by dogtickmn » Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:26 am

Hi everyone, Recently I got a call from an individual who was sponsoring someone who had relapsed. The person had locked himself in a hotel and wouldn't talk to anyone; the individual who was sponsoring him asked me for help to see if I could get through to him, which I did and he is currently in detox. I later find out that the sponsor stood up at a meeting and told everyone that the person relapsed and told the group that he was a liar. I viewed this as harmful and I felt that it was the individual's responsibility to approach the group with his faults. I would really appreciate some input regarding this situation as I plan to speak with him regarding this.Thank you everyone, have a great day.

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by positrac » Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:36 am

Anonymity is just that and spreading crap like that is not helpful and certainly can tarnish a persons already hurt soul!

Those old hats with sobriety should of called that person down in private to explain that the group is a living and breathing society and that if negative points of a specific individual is allowed to fester the group could fold. I say this a lot as a reminder that our disease can get us dead as we have thin skin and emotional. I don't know why this is but I know it is real and if I knew I was called out then what stay sober!!!!!!

You know if I admitted I hurt someone for my selfish reason I make amends and I never mentioned to whom I hurt outside of I hurt them and so it is a private and yet open point I made to make things right if it could be done. We all gossip and it is a negative point in the human condition and that might never be fixed. But rules are rules and they have to be adhered to.
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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by Niagara » Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:24 am

I hear a lot say 'we don't shoot our wounded here'...which seems to me exactly what this guy has done.

I'm pretty sure that that would not be allowed to fly in my home group. The chair would intervene sharpish.
Of course, what that sponsor does on his own time is a different matter, but I'm pretty sure also that if the guy doing the trash talks sponsor, had treated him similarly, he would not be happy about it. Treat others as you wish to be treated, and all that.

This kind of thing is where, for me, sponsorship can fall down. When we're unwell and desperate to get well, sometimes people we think are doing great and would make a great sponsor if willing, are still not too good themselves. It's very open to abuse, and such a position of trust...well, needless to say bad sponsorship can kill, I'm sure. This is no game :(
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:36 am

Hence the book says we are to seek for a tight-lipped person and its a life or death situation. Of course the new-comer who is new to the fellowship doesn't understand these key aspects. The awakened ones should lead those newcomes in the right direction and teach them how to side step the control freaks, the 13 steppers.....
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by PaigeB » Fri Feb 20, 2015 10:08 am

Wow. I hope that the group got up and hugged the person who relapsed. I am glad you got him to detox and maybe he still has a shot at getting this program, though I am sure he does not think too highly of us at this time. If we were all like the shouter, we would have never survived. We are more like the man who relapsed!
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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by whipping post » Fri Feb 20, 2015 11:34 am

I have not been around long but why wouldn't the group as a whole deal with this rather than you approaching him individually? Did the group not deal with it when it happened?

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by dogtickmn » Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:12 pm

The group did not deal with this situation, why? I have no idea but I agree , the group should have dealt with this immediately.

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by ezdzit247 » Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:57 pm

dogtickmn wrote:The group did not deal with this situation, why? I have no idea but I agree , the group should have dealt with this immediately.
I agree.

If the group failed to deal with this man's behavior when it should have--immediately--and you feel the need to talk to someone about the importance of AA's 12th Tradition, I would strongly suggest you voice your concerns to the group, not the man. It's entirely appropriate for you to ask the group to discuss the topic of anonymity and how harmful gossip is to individuals, groups, and AA as a whole, but since you weren't present in the meeting and didn't witnessed this man's behavior first hand, it wouldn't be appropriate for you to confront him as an individual based on hearsay.

So glad to hear you got the sponsee to agree to re-hab and he didn't have to die drunk and alone in some hotel room. There but for the grace of God.....

Keep coming back.....
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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by Tommy-S » Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:44 pm

Hi folks,

So everyone in AA is Not well... Not much of a surprise there.

Taking the sponsor's inventory and spreading that seems about as helpful as what the sponsor did. As the saw goes, "Two wrongs don't make a right".

Both the sponsor and sponsee will have to confess their faults. Meanwhile, I hope someone from that group has made plans to pick the sponsee up from Detox and get him back in the rooms.

Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by Lali » Sat Feb 21, 2015 1:34 am

IMO, breach of trust is about the worst thing a sponsor could do. And to call the man a liar in front of a group? I think he definitely needs to be called out on this. He's certainly setting a bad example. And it could have appeared that the group thought that what he did was okay which could send the message to newcomers that the same could potentially happen to them, causing them perhaps to not be totally honest on their fourth step. I always worry how newcomers will react to certain behaviors in meetings.

Just bad all around.
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Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Re: Sponsor breach of trust

Post by 1stPriority » Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:38 am

I'm curious as to what the sponsee's "faults" in this are, Tommy S. If you would expand on that i'd be grateful.

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