shick797 wrote:... I have a lot of trouble seeking help for my issues. ASKING for help has held me back more than anything. I had a sponsor once but he was too intrusive for me. He wanted to know stuff. Has anyone encountered these same barriers? If so please help me understand how you overcame them.
Ego, fear, pride and/or ignorance are the things that can hold us back from getting what we need, and I have had plenty of trouble with each. The ego says we can figure things out on our own or that we can fix ourselves in one way or another, and repeated efforts to do so can eventually knock that kind of thinking out of the way. If we could have figured things out or fixed ourselves on our own, I speculate we would have already done so a long time ago.
Fear can be a real crippler, and especially for people like us. There is the fear of being found out, or the fear of not being accepted, or the fear of some kind of required conformity and the list can go on, but the worst parts of that are really not an issue since they tie back to the ego that has to be smashed anyway.
Pride is also related to ego, of course, and it can be comforting to know we are each free to believe as we wish and to even die of alcoholism rather than to accept the humility of just being the next alcoholic in need of some real help.
Ignorance might be the biggest obstacle we have, but it is also the easiest to overcome ...
"Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking - 'What do I have to do?'
"It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done." ("A.A.", the book, page 20)
You have already had some experience with a nosey sponsor, so I would suggest one like this:
"... the ex-problem drinker who has found *this* solution, who is properly armed with [certain medical] facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours ...
"That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured - these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again." (pages 19-20)