Daily drinking

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Cammy
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Daily drinking

Post by Cammy »

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum, I have been reading a lot about AA the past few days as I am sick of myself and my drinking.

I started drinking when I was 12, just the occasional drink. I became a daily drinker in my late teens. At my worst I was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine most days. Then when I was 30 my mum died and I tried to get myself together, I drank low alcohol beer (loads of it) for about a year. I mostly stopped drinking when I had my son when I was 28 and my daughter when I was 32. I'm now 43 and have been drinking one bottle of wine a day for years, at the weekends I drink more.

My partner gets annoyed about my drinking but he says I'm not an alcoholic. He doesn't understand the cravings I feel and how no matter how many times I say in not going to drink that night I still end up with a bottle of pinot grigio stuck to my hand in the shop. I drink even when I feel ill, I drink even when I have heart burn. I drink even though I don't want to. I am so determined I managed to walk 2 miles to the shop on my broken foot to buy more wine 2 weeks ago!!

I control my drinking to make the most out of it. I try to open my bottle of wine as late in the evening as I can manage (there was a time I was practically opening the bottle as I walked through the front door with the kids after picking them up from school!)

As soon as I finish my bottle of wine I feel sad and can't wait for the next evening when I can open another one. I only ever have 1 bottle of wine in the house as if there was more I would drink until it's all gone.

I worry about going in to work and smelling of alcohol. To the extent I hold my breath when colleagues come too close!

I done dry January 2018 and done the whole month, my partner inspired me to do this by sponsoring me £50 to my favourite charity - I raised £350 in total so I think my friends and relatives realised it was a big thing for me! I had what I think may have been mild withdrawal during the first 2 weeks. Sweaty hands and feet, bad dreams that felt real. Of course I went straight back to drinking at 12.01am Feb 1st I cracked open a celebratory bottle of sauvignon blanc.

On Friday night I drank my normal wine, plus a gin and half a bottle of rum. I felt so ill yesterday I decided I have to stop. I don't think I can face going to meetings and would struggle with child care, I spoke to someone at AA online and they said to do the zoom meetings, but this would also be impossible as I don't want my daughter to hear me and I don't want my partner to know.

I feel a bit lost at the moment so just wanted to off load.

:-(

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Brock
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Cammy.

Your story will be understood by every alcoholic here, and probably those readers like yourself who are uncertain of whether or not they are alcoholic, and might need a program like AA to assist them.

We have been where you are, the choice of drink may differ but the principle is the same. You may have seen it described in AA literature as a feeling of unease and discontent we have without a drink, things you say like drinking even when we feel ill, or the story of walking on a broken leg to get our relief. What a way to live, it’s madness but we feel stuck, looking forward during the day to get our hands on the one thing that will take the ill at ease feeling away. It’s hard to believe at first but AA’s program does exactly that, it enables us by developing a new attitude towards both alcohol and spirituality, to feel relaxed and not even think of a drink.

Almost everybody who comes to sites like this, or walks through the door of an AA meeting, has the same fears about their children knowing that they have a problem, and it’s frightening thinking of giving up drink and trying something new and these fears hold us back. But we find in AA that fear is a word that affects us in almost every part of our life, and it’s something we need to overcome.

You said you have been reading AA material the last few days, and you may have seen some of the things I will put links to, sections from our big book and I will include a link to a temporary sponsor facility offered on this site, also you tube has lots of good resources on AA, if you type in ‘AA Speakers’ or maybe lady speakers, it’s a useful tool in understanding how it works.


Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer


Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf


Request a Temporary Online Sponsor
http://e-aameetings.org/form_sponsors.php
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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PaigeB
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by PaigeB »

Cammy wrote:
Sun Sep 27, 2020 11:32 am
... As soon as I finish my bottle of wine I feel sad and can't wait for the next evening when I can open another one. I only ever have 1 bottle of wine in the house as if there was more I would drink until it's all gone.

...I spoke to someone at AA online and they said to do the zoom meetings, but this would also be impossible as I don't want my daughter to hear me and I don't want my partner to know.

I feel a bit lost at the moment so just wanted to off load.
:-(
I am not sure that offloading is helpful for me... just reminds me of how crappy my life is. I guess that is not a bad thing in the early days because it was DESPERATION that got me to AA - that has kept me dry and HAPPY for 11+ years now! So I am glad you found us! AA - the people in the meetings and the program itself. So I hope you can do the Zoom meetings - maybe from the car or even the bathroom. Live Chat, ie typing meetings, might be good for complete quiet, and you can try our email meeting too - http://e-aameetings.org/maillist.html --but for myself? I love being with the people who accept me just the way I am and love me before I can love myself. I prefer face to face, but with Covid rampant in the US, most meetings are Zoom only. It will have to do - I have to ACCEPT what is in front of me or I will make myself really sick in the head.

AA offers me a solution and I hope you find one for yourself! Be at Peace.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

D'oh
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by D'oh »

Hi Cammy and welcome.

As an Alcoholic (Mind that is) The easiest that I have ever heard it explained

The 2 basic differences between an Alcoholic and a Heavy Drinker are

1, If when you Drink, the Drink controls you, you cannot control the Drink. Just 1 means you may wind up in Mexico.

2, If, when you Drink, you get into trouble. Family, Friends, Financial, Emotional, Law, Work ETC.

Coming here is of course kind of a sign. We every thing was going good in my Drinking, I would be doing that 2-3 times a day (depending on how many times I woke up from passing out)

Aggiejim
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Aggiejim »

this would also be impossible as I don't want my daughter to hear me and I don't want my partner to know.
The alcoholic mind never ceases to amaze me. You don't mind letting your daughter see you get falling down drunk and you have to hide your breath from you partner and other co-workers, but you would be embarrassed to death to have anyone know you're trying to do something about it. Something that would make you a better father and a better partner. Reminds me of the story, two friends are all at a third friends funeral and their conversation goes like this. Do you know how he died? I heard he drank himself to death.
Did he ever try AA. Oh hell no. he was never that bad.

Tgnc
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Tgnc »

This is my exact story. I can’t cobble together 2 days of sobriety, much less more than 2. I got desperate about 6 weeks ago and downloaded the Big Book app. In the app there is a link to Online Meetings. I started right away. I attend from 1 to 3 Zoom meetings a day. I attend on my iPhone from work, home, car, on a walk, wherever I am. I LOVE them! When I don’t want anyone to hear, I wear ear buds. The meetings are amazing. I tried several and now have picked a “home” group that isn’t even in the same state as me. Then, I googled “temporary AA sponsor” and found a link to request one. I got a reply right away, submitted my request and now I’ve had a temp sponsor for about 3 weeks. She’s amazing. We are working on Step 1 and I’m reading the BB and doing assignments she sends me. We are just about to complete chapter 2. I’m still drinking wine most nights and lots of it. But for the first time ever, I have hope that I will beat this. Today, I found this forum that was suggested to me.

Cammy, I am grateful for you and your honesty. I understand exactly how to you feel and where you are. Today is my new sobriety date. You have inspired me not to drink today. I can drink every day of the week except today. Thank you!

Tgnc
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Tgnc »

Hi again, Cammy. I want to add this to my recent comment. In Zoom meetings, I join without video and stay muted the whole time. I can see and hear everyone, but they can’t see me or hear me. So far, I haven’t taken part but I’m getting closer to doing that. Everyone is so kind and understanding, some with 1 or 2 days and some with 20 or 30 years. The meetings are run just like an in-person meeting. I hope you can join in sometime. Sending peace and hope.

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Brock
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Brock »

Welcome to e-AA Tgnc, it’s so refreshing to see posts like yours, newcomers helping each other. And in AA I believe that even if Cammy herself does not see your post there are other newcomers who will, I was helped most by newcomers when I joined, because I could relate to them better than I could to someone who had a long sobriety.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

Tgnc
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Tgnc »

Hi Brock, I appreciate your reply. I’m sure I will love this forum as much as I love the Zoom meetings and working with my sponsor via email. I attended local AA meetings about 10 years ago but I didn’t “get it.” I didn’t understand how necessary it is for us to participate in our own sobriety and reach out to offer encouragement to others if and when we can. It certainly helps me.

Theo50
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Theo50 »

Welcome to the group Cammy and Tgnc.

Tonyc
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Re: Daily drinking

Post by Tonyc »

If you think you have a drinking problem then you probably do. If you are or become an alcoholic you will likely loose your daughter and partner. Get help for yourself. If you don't you will not succeed as a mother or wife. Put your sobriety first. You have a disease so help yourself so you can be there for others including family

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