Nearly died (Triggering)

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vosspacer
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Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by vosspacer »

Greetings, I wanted to share my experience of a near death experience I endured during my drinking binges ...

About 3 years ago I smoked a joint with a friend, I have Schizophrenia and should have not been using, you can look up the drug antagonism effects of that on google and I was never the same after that, I feared death and destruction and became overly paranoid during my early days of marijuana usage, I'm a music artist and used pot as a creative agent for my music production. Approximately 6 months later my drinking had increased from a couple beers a week to a couple beers a day and my girlfriend at the time was becoming concerned. It didn't get better and I had refused to go out to resturants that didn't serve beer with her and embarassed her on numerous occasions with my boozing behavior. As I drank more my motivation for life decreased and my music production went down as well. My shifts at work decreased because I would call in sick because of it. Eventually my girlfriend left me and that's when the drinking the surged to 6 tall boy cans a day in a matter of months plus going out to the pizza shops and ordering 2 or 3 budweisers. I tried to drown my sorrows out at bars late at night downtown missing my girlfriend but having a lust to order more to help me forget about the pain. I then began to experience strong anxiety attacks intermittently throughout the week and I would have to drink a 40 ouncer to numb the pain the medication I was on was not working anymore at this point...

I have been diagnosed with OCD, BPD and other disorders so I am kinda of a mess. My job noticed my shaking and I told themI was fine. About 5 months later I increased my drinking to 7-8 tall boy cans + bar visits ordering shots and pints. My depression reached an all time low and I was sitting on a bridge railing waiting to jump until 3 people convinced me off of it by bribing me beer. I was formed by my doctor after that as I was now suicidal and went into the hospital for detox. I remained sober for about 2 and a half weeks until the hospital gave me day passes and I would go to the bar near the hospital and order pints. Come back with strong breath mints in my mouth and go to sleep. The hospital eventually released me and I went home. And I continued to same life style, still missing my girlfriend strongly as she truly loved me but couldn't be around me. I lost friends over drunk texts and inconsiderate behaviour and my drinking soared to 15 tall boys a day off and on + bar visits on fridays. Then I showed up to work without my uniform and then I thought my tenure of 10 plus years at my job had finally come to an end. They decided to just send me home and cut my shifts until I got well, if that were to ever take place. The anxiety attacks I had started before I drank, but got worse over time and then I the shakes got stronger until they felt like seizures. I called my doctor and told him my symptoms and they phoned the next day for me to come in. My mother and the doctor agreed to form me again and put me on a form one of 72 hours. I was driven to the hospital shaking like a leaf and put into triage registration waiting area where there were police and people coming in dying of various ailments on gurneys, 17 year old kids handcuffed and chirping at a police officer and having the handcuffs removed for a time he abused that priviledge and threw a chair and was restrained. All I wanted to do is go out for a smoke and they let me as long as I left my bag inside...

...After about 7 hours of waiting I was brought into a padded cell room with nurses and no rooms were available, so I slept on a bed in the hallway inside. The hospital was very busy and I did not see a nurse until an hour later I was starving and shaking from head to foot. There was a food shortage in the hospital and I was given 2 small boxes of cereal with no milk or water. About 30 minutes later I was called into his office. I was shaking so bad he ran out and grabbed 4 valium just to talk to me and told me that I had to conquer the addiction of booz. I was given thiamine injections for alcohol withdrawal and had to wait for a psychiatrist. If your not familiar with thiamine (It is well known that chronic alcoholics are at high risk for being deficient in vitamin B1 (thiamine), which is known to put the patient at an increased risk for Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome, cerebellar degeneration, and cardiovascular dysfunction. - google. At this point the valium kicked in and the shaking subsided so I just wanted to go home and sleep I had not been given all my medication to sleep. I lost track of time and the following night I was put into a room with 2 other men before waiting to be put into a unit. I was then taken to the unit the next day. I was sweating and shaking as I was brought into unit M - shaking violently. A psych ward patient surrendered his supper over to me and gave me a blanket and I was brought into my room. I was told by a nurse practitioner that I would have to undergo tests to see if I had hepatitis and liver damage. As I went into the ultrasound room I was feeling quite anxious and asked the technician if there was any significant damage, she of course could not tell me, but had to wait for a doctor. The next day the results were in

- I had and an enlarged liver
- a cist on my kidney that was non cancerous.
- Hepatitis was negative

I was on valium for a week and the shakes subsided significantly. Since the Corona Pandemic, AA groups, activities and addiction meetings were cancelled. Even the addictions councillor was ill, so it was alot of time reading and spending time in a room with room mates who were mentally ill, and people walking by my room screaming they wanted to die. No visitors were allowed. I was still experiencing withdrawal symptoms as nurses came every hour in the nights to see if I was experiencing sweating, nausea, tingling or pins and needles, and asked me to stick my hands out to see how bad the tremors were.

..Until then I had to hear the most obscure stories from my room mate about his misadventures being held hostage against his will, and how he and Bill Gates killed Osama Bin Laden. My mother gave me the phone number of her close friend - I will call him George for privacy sake. I talked to George an (AA member - who has been sober for over 20 years) every night and he told me as it was, with no bs. He told me to get rid of every beer bottle in my house when I returned home and clean up my apartment and read the BIG BOOK aka Bible, especially the book of James. Every night I would call him....

I discovered a secret recipe for my cravings as I would constantly raid the fridge for gingerale and cranberry cocktail juice. I was also put on naltrexone for the cravings. Doctors routinely visited me, and asked me about my progress, I told them my mental health was beginning to decline because of the other patients with severe mental disorders, that were highly triggering - the doctor switched my meds as I was off alcohol for a few weeks now and negotiated a deal with my family to get me out at an earlier date and it was proposed and approved.. The morning of the day of my release, my doctor asked me if I wanted to go home, I laughed and smiled but told him actually the corona virus pandemic had me paranoid. He said staying at home was best for me and I told him I wanted to continue with my music career and make electronic music again. He said Ok, "I will fill out the paper work".. I had 1 friend in the unit that was released the same day as I was and we walked outside to a different world. We had a victory smoke and he was later picked up. There were far less cars on the road and the grocery stores were jammed packed. My adoptive dad picked me up from the hospital and I returned home. I immediately cleaned my apartment and felt better on the new meds.

As of right now, I have been sober since March 10th and I'm still drinking gingerale and cranberry juice.

I want to thank you for those who read this story fully and please pass it on to others if you like.

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Brock
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by Brock »

Good to have you here Alex. That is quite a path you have taken to AA, the fellow George who is over 20 years sober and gave you the message without any BS, sounds like he knows his stuff, the Big Book is much like a bible to us. In case you don’t have a copy, I will put up some chapters I find most useful, and a link to the whole book.

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf



Whole book -https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

MyNameIsBetsy
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by MyNameIsBetsy »

As of right now, I have been sober since March 10th . . .
Hi Alex,

Welcome. I saw your first name on another thread. Thank you for sharing your story and letting us get to know you.

You've made the decision to embrace sobriety. It's a good decision. Life changing decision.

Please hang out here, take a look through all the postings, and jump in when you want to offer some personal experience.

Betsy, an alcoholic
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

vosspacer
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by vosspacer »

thank you for reading my long ass story, I wish nobody has to go through that.

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Jojo2
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by Jojo2 »

vosspacer wrote:
Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:05 pm
thank you for reading my long ass story, I wish nobody has to go through that.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you found us and George.

Hang on in there. It does get better.

We also provide a temporary sponsor facility here at e-AA.

A temporary sponsor is a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who is willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic as a way of service to help insure their own sobriety. It provides you with a one to one email/telephone contact.

Their main function is to help guide the new person towards the 12 Steps.

http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php


An excellent introduction on sponsorship, permanent or temporary, with questions and answers, is this pamphlet
from GSO :

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship:
http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Keep reading and keep posting.

retired baker
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by retired baker »

On page 21 of the big book there is a description of a certain drinker, impaired mental function, physically damaged, an inability to stop he may need medical intervention to separate him from alcohol and detox. He might even die an early death due to drinking.
Sounds typical eh?

The next line in the book poses a curious question.
"But what about the real alcoholic?"

So the above description is not of an alcoholic but a drunk, an alcohol abuser, not a real alcoholic.
The single component that distinguishes the real alcoholic is not present in the abuser outlined at the top of page 21.

Stephanie6
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by Stephanie6 »

retired baker wrote:
Sat Mar 28, 2020 7:20 am
On page 21 of the big book there is a description of a certain drinker, impaired mental function, physically damaged, an inability to stop he may need medical intervention to separate him from alcohol and detox. He might even die an early death due to drinking.
Sounds typical eh?

The next line in the book poses a curious question.
"But what about the real alcoholic?"

So the above description is not of an alcoholic but a drunk, an alcohol abuser, not a real alcoholic.
The single component that distinguishes the real alcoholic is not present in the abuser outlined at the top of page 21.
First time to participate in online aa. Hope to get the hang of it. All the groups around here are not meeting as of now

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Brock
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Stephanie. Yes the groups in most areas are closed, and hopefully online groups like this one will help fill the void.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

SOY
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Re: Nearly died (Triggering)

Post by SOY »

The tremendous effort you put forward into resisting temptation and enlisting the help of your family and doctors against alcohol is no small feat. You are very brave and very wise to share this information with others.

Your story has not ended. You will undoubtedly be faced with many challenges in the future.
Presume your darkest hours are still ahead. Be prepared for a day when you must make choices as difficult, or possibly even more difficult than these.

Know that the high road will always lead you away from alcohol.

Stay sober, understand the substance. Understand your pain along the spectrum of human pain, and balance your thoughts appropriately, or risk falling to nihilism. We can't know our destiny, but we do know where nihilism leads, and the depths of ultimate suffering have already been explored in billions of ways across the animal kingdom, mankind included, and it's what we call Hell... Hope is something fantastic in comparison.

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