I dont want to get up in the morning.

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Daelynn
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I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Daelynn » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:39 am

As soon as I open my eyes, and remember everything that's happen, I want to slip back into oblivion of sleep. Day 3of WD. Feel awful, like having the skin peeled off you. And my life is ruined. I cant recover from this second impaired charge. It just isnt possible now.

D'oh
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by D'oh » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:37 am

I have survived 2 Impaired charges, 2 within a year.

It did look bleak at the time, but it wound up being the start of a Very Great way of Life.

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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Layne » Tue Nov 12, 2019 9:09 am

I want to slip back into oblivion of sleep...I cant recover from this second impaired charge. It just isnt possible now.
This was why I drank. Life on it's terms was too hard for me to face. I wanted oblivion, to run from life. Working the 12 steps showed me how to turn this around and to embrace life. it is always possible. It is never too late. We have never sunk so low that we can't recover. Get into action on the 12 steps and stay in action. Life can be beautiful if we face it.

Theo50
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Theo50 » Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:20 am

It may seem like it won't now, but things do get better. Hang in there one day at a time or one hour at a time. Are you able to get to any meetings?

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Daelynn
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Daelynn » Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:25 pm

I went to one last night. People were nice but I still felt incredibly uncomfortable. And it was me , not them. Because my life is a wreck and I cannot make my brain focus on any thing but that right now. I cannot absorb any words of wisdom. I am in survival mode, if anyone knows what I mean.

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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Theo50 » Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:36 pm

Daelynn wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:25 pm
I went to one last night. People were nice but I still felt incredibly uncomfortable. And it was me , not them. Because my life is a wreck and I cannot make my brain focus on any thing but that right now. I cannot absorb any words of wisdom. I am in survival mode, if anyone knows what I mean.
Yes, survival is exactly how I would explain my early days in AA. I found that going to a meeting, at the very least, helped me to survive another hour without alcohol.

Tonyc
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Tonyc » Wed Nov 13, 2019 6:14 pm

Your in the self pity stage . You are at a fork in the road. Continue to drink ruin Your life and die or commit to getting help and get sober.
Continue to go to meetings. You will like them. You Will learn from the other experiences. Many have recovered from rock bottom.

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Daelynn
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Daelynn » Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:02 pm

It's more like the end of the road, than a fork in the road. I missed that turn long ago. While it likely doesn't matter, I'd describe this as more like terror than pity, and horror at what I've become. Pity seems almost trivial in these circumstances.

I'm a little familiar with things the Big Book says about self pity or resentments that are irrational or even petty. But what does it say to do about regret and shame for truly awful things? Things that can't be undone or truly amended? Is that kind of guilt really just self pity?

I wish I could hide from everyone, not see another person. Because I can't have a normal conversation, I can't laugh at jokes, I'm not interested in some funny video or news story, and I can't be a good wife or mom- all I can do is sit here paralyzed. I have no idea what to do or how to feel. It's horrible uncharted territory and there's no one to show you the way. Im a tiny blackhole of fear, dysfunction and self absorption.

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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by avaneesh912 » Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:39 am

I'm a little familiar with things the Big Book says about self pity or resentments that are irrational or even petty. But what does it say to do about regret and shame for truly awful things? Things that can't be undone or truly amended? Is that kind of guilt really just self pity?
The 9th step promises does talk about we dont regret the past, but for that you have to fully understand the 'alcoholic mind' operated/operating. Sunny day, our mind turns to booze and rainy day too we turned to booze. Bill W kind of points out that in his opening paragraph of his story. Midst of excitement he found liquor and when he was lonely he again turned to booze.

So the first step in recovery as the book states is that we need to realize deep down within that we are alcoholic. That takes the guilt out of it. Now we can use that stay there or you can take the next step toward recovery.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by ebear » Thu Nov 14, 2019 8:03 am

It's more like the end of the road, than a fork in the road. I missed that turn long ago. While it likely doesn't matter, I'd describe this as more like terror than pity, and horror at what I've become. Pity seems almost trivial in these circumstances.
These are powerful words. I'm not an expert in matters of psychology, but this sounds like bad depression, and I do have experience with that. Can you get away for a while? Four weeks someplace where your life can be made easier while you begin your recovery? Call your doctor. Sometimes we need another person to push us forward.

This is a cry for help, and that tells me you have some idea of hope.

It might feel like the end of the road, but feelings are not facts. You can turn off the road at any time.
Last edited by ebear on Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

Theo50
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Theo50 » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:31 am

I reached out for help from a professional therapist for a long time during the 1st year. It help me immensely.

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Brock
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Brock » Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:37 am

I'm a little familiar with things the Big Book says about self pity or resentments that are irrational or even petty. But what does it say to do about regret and shame for truly awful things? Things that can't be undone or truly amended? Is that kind of guilt really just self pity?
I found that some of the ‘petty’ resentments, helped me realize that many of the things I felt ashamed about, were petty as well. We are people who can contribute quite well in a meeting, everyone claps and smiles, yet we beat ourselves up after with, ‘I should have said this, I shouldn’t have said that,’ it comes back to the self centered problem we have. We can even go away thinking others must have felt we talked crap, they were only clapping to be polite, our own worst enemy.

A good AA speaker ‘Clancy,’ I heard say when he does a 5th step with someone he is sponsoring, he often does it while on a long drive to an out of town meeting, and says something like, ‘I don’t want to fall asleep while driving, so please no boring stories like having sex with a goat.’ The point is we are really good at beating ourselves up over things others brush off, hence the reason many report when doing their amends, that some people just smile and say no big deal, one person told me they couldn’t remember me doing that to them. I have found our minds greatly amplify just how bad the things we did were.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Chelle
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Chelle » Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:13 pm

Daelynn wrote:
Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:02 pm

I wish I could hide from everyone, not see another person. Because I can't have a normal conversation, I can't laugh at jokes, I'm not interested in some funny video or news story, and I can't be a good wife or mom- all I can do is sit here paralyzed. I have no idea what to do or how to feel. It's horrible uncharted territory and there's no one to show you the way. Im a tiny blackhole of fear, dysfunction and self absorption.
Hi Daelynn,
Goodness, I really do know how you feel. You described what my life used to be like, pretty much every day.

It's ok to feel uncomfortable. Just acknowledge it by telling yourself " yep, im uncomfortable right now, but it will pass". It will, I promise. I had to put down the shovel and stop digging myself in deeper with every drink I took.

It just looks bleak right now. Mine did too. There are so many people in meetings and right here who can show you how to get out of the hole you are in.

Keep on going to meetings. You dont have to spill your secrets to the whole room. You dont have to tell anyone anything until you are ready.

I never thought I would have a normal life or be worth anything ever again, I was ashamed to even check my mail, let alone go to the grocery. But here I am! Life is not perfect, but I lived to tell the tale. It is better than I ever thought it could be.I recovered and so can you.

Please, never forgot the withdrawls, and the shame. (Just dont marinade in it, its not helpful) =wink It is what kept me sober in the beginning. I never wanted to go through that again.

Your experience will help other girls. I promise you are not the first or last girl to get 2 duis. Your life is not over, sounds like you are getting a new beginning.

I am so glad you are here.

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Daelynn
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by Daelynn » Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:20 pm

Thanks. I appreciate it more than you know. It does seem like I will feel this way for ever.

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PaigeB
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Re: I dont want to get up in the morning.

Post by PaigeB » Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:38 pm

Daelynn wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:20 pm
Thanks. I appreciate it more than you know. It does seem like I will feel this way for ever.
Page 152 in the Big Books gave me the greatest sliver of Hope I had had in YEARS!

"... I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community...
"
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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