Fantasizing

For recovery discussion
Post Reply
jmd63304
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:03 am

Fantasizing

Post by jmd63304 » Fri Oct 04, 2019 10:59 am

I have been sober for a few 24 hours now and I keep finding myself fantasizing about using again. That since it has been so long and I am in a different place in life (ie sobriety has been good to me), that things will be different now. That I have grown up or something, can use like a normal person. Realistically, I know this isn't so. I know that if I use, it will set off a cycle and the best outcome will be that I make it back to the tables. But I cannot stop thinking that I am somehow different now. I probably need to get back to basics, remove the "I", "me" out of my vocabulary and replace it with "we" and "us" but why am I finding this to be so difficult?

User avatar
ebear
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 152
Joined: Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:26 am
Location: Irvington, NY

Re: Fantasizing

Post by ebear » Fri Oct 04, 2019 11:26 am

I had an AA friend with many years of sobriety who told me, "If I could drink like a normal person, I would be drunk all the time!" The comedy aside, we are not like "normal" people as far as alcohol is concerned. That doesn't change, and we both know it. So I would recommend laughing off the fantasy as soon as it creeps into your thinking, and trying to figure out what your mind actually seeking beneath the surface.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8415
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Fantasizing

Post by PaigeB » Fri Oct 04, 2019 11:26 am

jmd63304 wrote:
Fri Oct 04, 2019 10:59 am
I have been sober for a few 24 hours now and I keep finding myself fantasizing about using again. That since it has been so long and I am in a different place in life (ie sobriety has been good to me), that things will be different now. That I have grown up or something, can use like a normal person. Realistically, I know this isn't so. I know that if I use, it will set off a cycle and the best outcome will be that I make it back to the tables. But I cannot stop thinking that I am somehow different now. I probably need to get back to basics, remove the "I", "me" out of my vocabulary and replace it with "we" and "us" but why am I finding this to be so difficult?
Read chapter 3 - More About Alcoholism.

I have 10 years now and around my anniversary I felt myself thinking that maybe I was different. Then I got a sponsee my age who is in and out and mostly out. It is painful to watch. My first sponsee died in a one car roll over accident on the way home from the bar. She had everything to live for with her first grandbaby on the way... So am I different? I go to meetings and look for the similarities. I work with a sponsor and sponsees from the BIG BOOK - working the STEPS.

This disease wants me dead...
It will settle for me drunk...
But first it will have to get me ALONE.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5199
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Fantasizing

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Oct 04, 2019 11:41 am

Revisit the steps with another sponsor. Perhaps you can have a different perspective of step one. Powerlessness and Unmanageability are some of key concepts that we need to understand and imbibe and have a deep realization that we are an alcoholic/addict and that this is a lifelong effort to stay spiritually fit.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Tonyc
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 02, 2019 8:06 am

Re: Fantasizing

Post by Tonyc » Sat Oct 05, 2019 4:33 pm

You really need to reprogram your mind. My sister In law told me something a few weeks ago that struck me. She said put as much time into quitting and getting sober as you put into drinking. I spend 7 hrs a day reading the big book,the bible and other books about changing. Also research vitamins and other products that may help. Now I'm only on day 12 but it is a personal best for the last 20 years. Im done drinking. Get to a meeting ASAP

User avatar
Brock
Trusted Servant
Posts: 4007
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Fantasizing

Post by Brock » Sat Oct 05, 2019 7:55 pm

Welcome here Tony, some good advise you got about putting time into recovery. But from my experience, I found that what is required is mainly the 12 steps, if we get to at least #5 in a timely fashion, as the book says we often find the obsession and desire to drink will leave.

Well done on 12 days, but loads of reading and maybe overdoing the self help books is not the answer, when we get to step 11 then we see they recommend further reading. It’s the actual doing of the steps, especially the inventory in 4 and speaking it out in 5, then we feel the spirit come into our lives, and the literature is clear that until this happens, we are without defense against picking up that first drink once again.

What I found also is that once this is done, the maintenance of a spiritual lifestyle is easy and enjoyable, the book says it ‘becomes a working part of the mind,’ and I found this to be absolutely true. I read spiritual books, Eckhart Tolle being my favorite for some time now, maybe ten to fifteen minutes per day, if I am in the mood, when I am not and force myself to read it has little effect. It’s about practicing the way we are advised to live in these readings, having gratitude and humility, and most importantly knowing we are not in charge and being happy about it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

innermost
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 115
Joined: Thu May 16, 2019 3:12 pm

Re: Fantasizing

Post by innermost » Sun Oct 06, 2019 2:56 am

jmd63304

I am encouraged to see your honesty.

More about alcoholism, talks of such a condition.
I am reminded that we must concede to our innermost selves that we
are alcoholic. We don't like to think we are bodily and mentally different
from our fellows.

I understand you have days of sobriety behind you and you have benefited
from sobriety.
After time in the program I had to keep going back to rework step 1 and
identify other areas in my life that I was powerless over. Like you say "I" areas.
Turning these "I" areas into "we". So if you inventory these you will probably
find more in the fear category, that may need surrendered.
Our book says, self reliance has failed us.

That's my 2 cents anyway.
The first 164 pg. is the program!

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8415
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Fantasizing

Post by PaigeB » Sun Oct 06, 2019 11:20 am

Tonyc wrote:
Sat Oct 05, 2019 4:33 pm
You really need to reprogram your mind. My sister In law told me something a few weeks ago that struck me. She said put as much time into quitting and getting sober as you put into drinking. I spend 7 hrs a day reading the big book,the bible and other books about changing. Also research vitamins and other products that may help. Now I'm only on day 12 but it is a personal best for the last 20 years. Im done drinking. Get to a meeting ASAP
Great stuff right there TonyC! We do have to use action to change our thinking. Sounds like a good beginning for you!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

User avatar
Spirit Flower
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1469
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:49 am
Location: Texas

Re: Fantasizing

Post by Spirit Flower » Sun Oct 06, 2019 11:39 am

Check out the story in the Big Book on page 32, the carpet slipper guy.

Also, I have 34 years of sobriety. About 3 years ago, I went through a phase where I did think, "I haven't had a drink in 30 years, I wonder what thats like?" So, yes, the thoughts come around. The thing is, do you see them and what are you doing?
...a score card reading zero...

User avatar
BA Lodi
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:41 am
Location: Smyrna, TN 37167

Re: Fantasizing

Post by BA Lodi » Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:59 am

This topic is really aggravating me, so I guess I better share.

My sobriety (the Steps, my toolbox, my HP, and fellow alkies) has gotten me through all the stages of life from 37 to 75. I believe that alcoholism is a disease and that I am a lot worse now than I was when I took my last drink. When I fantasize, I don't want a few drinks. I want what I always wanted - a controlled drunk, temporary escape into oblivion. I never had drinking buddies, preferred to drink alone. I don't tell myself I can drink successfully. I just toy with the idea that drinking might be better than facing reality.

And from lots and lots of previous experience, I know that I haven't been able to ACCEPT something I have to accept (in this case, my own aging process). I tolerate it because I have no choice. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of living. And that fear is based on what is going to happen next week and next year if I keep waking up in the morning. Basically, I am still okay today. And if I'm going to see the kids or do something physical, I take it real easy for a day or two so I'll be in the best shape possible.

I try and try to turn this over. Perhaps it would be a good idea if I made an appointment with a real doctor. There's just so much the Web Doctor and self-diagnosis can do!!! I must really enjoy this wallowing... My special brand of self-pity has always been playing the martyr.

Thanks for listening!!! Barbara, ancient alcoholic having temper tantrum

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8415
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Fantasizing

Post by PaigeB » Mon Oct 07, 2019 12:58 pm

BA Lodi wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:59 am
This topic is really aggravating me, so I guess I better share.

My sobriety (the Steps, my toolbox, my HP, and fellow alkies) has gotten me through all the stages of life from 37 to 75...
I try and try to turn this over. Perhaps it would be a good idea if I made an appointment with a real doctor. ...
ancient alcoholic having temper tantrum
So maybe you might want to look into getting a new sponsor and going through the Steps again. You KNOW it will help both you and her!

And yeah - get a real doc. LOL maybe you'll meet one at a meeting! She will be helped by you too!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

User avatar
BA Lodi
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:41 am
Location: Smyrna, TN 37167

Re: Fantasizing

Post by BA Lodi » Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:39 am

Paige, I officially gave up sponsors and sponsees in 1996. I know that many of us would never make it without sponsorship. It is a tool in our toolbox.

It just so happens that I got different initial feedback. It was okay that I took the first 3 Steps talking and listening in meetings, meetings, meetings, getting used to the AA "atmosphere." And then I had some idea who I wanted to ask to sponsor me. In my case, I got 2 sponsor couples for the 4th and 5th Steps and that was okay, too. 1 of those 4 AAers became my main feedback source, but I considered anyone I had recovery conversations with as my "guide" for that day. It might remind me of where I'd been, show me a different perspective on something, or remind me that I'm not in charge. Or it might just reinforce the "WE." When I worked the Steps with sponsees, I also reworked them myself and insisted that our relationship was a two-way street.

So, here of late, with finding the Forums again, Paige, you and Brock have been my guides, my recovery sounding boards on many days. =biggrin

jmd63304, I hope you still have the desire to stop drinking! Nuts and bolts: I knew my life was unmanageable, so I had no problem with that part of Step 1. But I did not drink every day and had not experienced a lot of "yets" yet. I thought I was powerless over alcohol maybe 30 to 50% of the time when the Jekyll and Hyde complex surfaced. When my drunks were successful (got the boys to bed, cleaned up the kitchen), I made it to bed early to pass out. It was those drunks when I drove drunk to sneak up on relatives, made a scene, showed my ash big-time...if I controlled the good drunks, why couldn't I control the bad drunks? It was the disease concept that convinced me I wasn't controlling alcohol any time and that some of those "yets" were in my immediate future. If my ESH doesn't ring any bells, I suggest you keep talking to AAers who have worked the Steps. When I feel different, it is always a good idea for me to concentrate on the similarities. And, if you have a God of your Understanding, you can always pray for courage, strength, & wisdom.

I did choose a doctor and go for a set-up appointment. Everything felt "right." It is always such a relief when I surrender!

Thank you for putting up with me again. Barbara, alcoholic

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8415
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Fantasizing

Post by PaigeB » Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:46 am

(((hugs))) Barbara. I know women who don't sponsor and don't exercise sponsorship after the 9th Step. I need more direction - I think I know it all. Luckily, surrendering for an atheist is a practical matter with practical results!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Post Reply