How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

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Seva
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How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by Seva » Thu Sep 26, 2019 3:43 am

I am 10 months sober & a year in the fellowship so by no means am I an expert. However, I have watched a lot of YouTube videos & read numerous articles. I am on step 6 & from how I feel this is taking too long. From some of the information that I have gathered, the original 100 people were taken through the steps as quickly as possible. I listened to a video today & it said that step 4 should be taken almost immediately after step 3 as it says in the BB "Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us".

It was around 3 months before I got to step 4 & 5 after taking step 3. I think this is how my sponsor was taken through the steps. I have seen many people in my home group struggling with staying sober & in my humble opinion it's because they are not taken through the steps quick enough. Some member's do not even have a sponsor after many years. most people at my home group take the steps slowly over a period of years. I have noticed one quy in particular who is struggling. He has no sponsor & I think he is apprehensive because he cannot read or write. I really want to offer my help & to sponsor him but if I was to do this I feel that I would like to take him through the steps quickly & as laid out in the BB. I am not sure if this would be wrong of me?

I am extremely happy with my sponsor he has been fantastic. However, as I said I would have liked to get through the steps quicker but he has been extremely busy which he did warn me about. Is there anything I can do to work on the steps that I do not require my sponsors assistance? I guess I need to go at my sponsors speed?

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PaigeB
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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by PaigeB » Thu Sep 26, 2019 12:39 pm

Say for instance I own a business or 2. I hired managers at both sites and it is the time of year where we must do an inventory of everything down to the screws and nuts and bolts. It is also the time of year when people are wanting to go on their final summer weekends and holidays. I want the inventory(s) done now!

Well, these managers have been really good to me and good for business all around. I have no intention of firing them and if I press my luck and cancel their vacations they might just leave and go fishing anyway. I suppose I could do both inventories on my own - though it is like to be confusing as to what I have and where it is at... my brain WILL try to trick me and sometimes I cannot trust myself to KNOW for certain what the truth is and where to find it! No, I hired these managers and I trust them to help me with this annual mess.

I guess I will have to work with them and a few employees to boot. I am going to have to take Action. And I guess I will have to work with their schedules and still get this done in a timely manner. I can only be at one place at a time, right? I may think I am all that and a basket of fruit, but I am just a misguided human and I need help. So I guess I will have to get my calendar in front of me and set a date certain when I can meet my manager to do the inventory and while I am at it I should set a date certain to that 5th Step too! After we get this done I can continue in the same manner - I work my work and let them do the job I hired them to do!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Spirit Flower
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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by Spirit Flower » Fri Sep 27, 2019 1:20 am

Make sure you discuss amends with someone beforehand. It is easy to screw these up.
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Brock
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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by Brock » Sat Sep 28, 2019 7:09 am

I have been looking at this the last couple of days and have a few thoughts, will quote some lines and give them -
It was around 3 months before I got to step 4 & 5 after taking step 3. I think this is how my sponsor was taken through the steps.
Very likely it was, I am not ill speaking him, and you said he has been ‘fantastic.’ But this is what happens when ordinary humans are helping others, we don’t seem to understand that everyone is different, and therefore it’s the old ‘it worked for me it should work for you.’ You will see people writing about their line of sponsors with pride, ‘I come from a line of sponsors that does this or that.’ Maybe some poor fellow is sponsored by someone in that ‘line’ and needs different treatment, when he goes back out they will say ‘he wasn't ready.’

A case here was the question - ‘my sponsor says it takes up to a year to do step four, is this right?’ A few of us were quite upset and said so, recommended a new sponsor pronto. But I bet if someone asked the original sponsor why take a year on #4, out it will come, ‘that’s the way my sponsor showed me,’ and probably that stupid idea goes right back through the so called ‘sponsorship line.’

You quoted a good line from the book which comes after #3 and leads into 4, “it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed…” It says AT ONCE not take your time, and if only people would follow the instruction things would work better. I expect you will change the way your sponsor showed you, especially since you mention others in your group struggling, and as you say they may well do better if they went through the steps quicker.

Sometimes in meetings when I hear others who are taking months on each step, I mention the first one Bill and Bob helped, the ‘man on the bed,’ they were with him three days, then it says in the book - “That afternoon he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man.” OK maybe three days is rushing things, but it shows how they used to work, and had a great success rate.
Some member's do not even have a sponsor after many years.
I have never had one, but then I was in particularly bad shape, and having been in AA a few times before, I knew it was do the steps or die, so I dived in. And thanks to workshops on you tube and various speakers I did fine. So I will say I see nothing wrong in your moving on by yourself, having got past #5 with your sponsor. I know people say things about members like me, ‘ship with no rudder’ and other one liners, but I feel I have an unseen sponsor which is my higher power. And I am very sure, that by not taking my problems to a sponsor for his opinion, but instead looking within, and above, for the answers, has given me a much closer relationship with that power.

Well done on wanting to help the fellow with the reading and writing difficulties, here again I think recommending those you tube speakers could be useful to him. Some people don’t like the style of the speaker who I listened to a lot, Chris R. But he helped me greatly, especially with the speed of doing the steps. Heard him say he gives his sponsees two weeks to do #4, no more, then appointment for #5 right away.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by Layne » Sat Sep 28, 2019 8:54 am

I am extremely happy with my sponsor he has been fantastic. However, as I said I would have liked to get through the steps quicker but he has been extremely busy which he did warn me about. Is there anything I can do to work on the steps that I do not require my sponsors assistance? I guess I need to go at my sponsors speed?
Have you expressed your concerns and desires with your sponsor?

If I am going to the airport to catch a plane for a life saving flight and I get in a taxi of a very good driver that knows the route very well and is a safe and conscientious driver but yet he doesn't quite seem to want to match the urgency that I am feeling about catching the flight, then it might not be the best taxi for me at the moment. It is not taking anything away from the driver and I might use him on a day when I am feeling more leisurely, but for now I might need to catch another taxi, uber, city transport, or even drive myself. There are many options for catching the flight.

Working the steps doesn't require a sponsor. The instructions for working the steps are in the big book. Sponsors are a guide, a tool, a mentor, they can be many things; but they are not absolutely necessary. If I need to drive home a nail and I do it on the hammer's schedule, it could be a long job.

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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by innermost » Sat Sep 28, 2019 11:25 am

Seva
Page 262 and page 263 4th edition, explains how Dr. Bob worked with this person.

Then it was the 6 step program.
The first 164 pg. is the program!

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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by davep54 » Sat Oct 05, 2019 12:31 am

How soon do you want to get well? Dr Bob worked the steps asap and never drank again. Mind you he also worked with others (12th Step) asap.

How accurate do you want your recovery to be? Would you go to the gym and start working out on the machines without a coach? Fix your car without a mechanic? Bake a cake without a cook? Sure you can do some of it on your own but wouldn't the results be so much better with the help who has been there and done that? That's the sponsor's/coach's/expert's job, to help you not make the mistakes that inexperienced folk invariably make.

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PaigeB
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Re: How quickly to take the steps & can I work on the steps without my sponsor's assistance?

Post by PaigeB » Sat Oct 05, 2019 11:16 am

Seva wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 3:43 am
How's it going today?
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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