I am relapsing badly

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I am relapsing badly

Post by epaige20 » Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:36 am

It’s a really long story. But I am 20 years old and I have had a drinking problem since I was 12. I would get black out drunk due to family problems and it just escalated. When I was 18, I went on a 6 month bender and made myself really ill and got kicked out the house and the one condition I could come back was that I wouldn’t drink at all. Well over the Christmas period, I have got absolutely hammered about 5 times, but my family don’t know because I hide it well. We’ve had a lot of stress and it hasn’t helped. I have been sleeping around and getting really drunk and stopping out all night and I just don’t know what to do because I can’t tell my family.

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by PaigeB » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:04 pm

Welcome epaige! We have more in common than a name it seems!

I am not 20 anymore. But still, I DID think I was fooling people - I believed they did not know the extent of the problem. They did. Here's the problem though - normal folks just do not know what to do with us. I think it is widely known that an alcoholic has to stop on their own, but families are sometimes unwilling to accept that their loved one is even a problem drinker. AA has a sister program that came up right alongside AA and has stuck with us for more than 80 years. It is a program for the friends and family of alcoholics called Alanon. They did not survived because they are tough, but because people REALLY need that program. Living with a person who drinks insanely makes the people around them insane.

So let's leave family out of this for a moment. They will have to deal with whatever they have to deal with while you take a look at this problem drinking of yours. My suggestion is to just walk right into an AA meeting. Maybe there is a Young People's meeting in your area! YPAA is on the rise! Maybe a women's meeting is available. Either way, sit next to a woman and tell her that you are new. Then you can pretty much let the experts on drinking and getting sober help you figure things out. You don't have to do this alone and in secret. Drinking might FEEL shameful, but there is nothing but Good in getting help for yourself. They can even help with the issue of telling your parents.

You can use the links from here to find a meeting in your own neighborhood. There are local phone numbers you can call too! https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources Don't overthink it. Just let you feet do the walking.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by Spirit Flower » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:07 pm

Young people are welcome in AA. I was 26, but I know some who started in their teens.
AA is the only solution I have to offer you. I got sober and stayed that way; and enjoyed life for another 33 years.

You can find a meeting at this link. https://www.aa.org/
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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by JeffS. » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:20 pm

When I was 20 is when I quit drinking. I had been drinking at a young age like you and always hid it well like most. Just before Christmas a little over five years ago I was involved in a DUI accident where there was a victim. I quit drinking that day and with the help of AA have never drank since. The biggest thing that I regret is hiding my drinking. If I would have told my family and gotten help that accident may have never happened. I can tell your life has become unmanageable and you admit you have a problem. I would be honest with your family about your relapse because it shows you are trying. Do you belong to an AA group in your area?

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by Brock » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:20 pm

As the others have recommended, AA is the place for you, and I wouldn’t even tell my family at first, just go to a few meetings and see how you like it, if they ask where you are going then say ‘AA meeting,’ no big deal or stigma nowadays about that.

You will soon believe that we have no hope whatever of controlling this by will power, and since you have tried that and failed, you have actual experience at it. I believe the biggest stumbling blocks are thinking life will be crap without drink, or those folks are going to talk about higher powers and prayers, going to try to make me some sort of goddy goddy nerd, all those thoughts held me back for a long time. Of course I found out it was just 12 fairly simple steps they wanted me to do, then the feeling to drink disappeared, and didn’t come back even if people around me were drinking. Other things I didn’t expect, like being happier than ever before, more peaceful and worry free, these are just side effects of those steps, side effects which guarantee I will never want to drink again.

The accent on meetings is mainly for the first few months, when we try to go as often as possible, and start the steps as soon as possible as well, afterwards we can choose how often we wish to go. And these meetings vary one to the next, when you find the one you feel most comfortable at, you just say ‘I would like to be a member of this group,’ and volunteering to assist with the little chores is a great way of fitting in and feeling at home.

I will put links to some literature you might read when you have time, it will give you a head start on what AA is, and some things our big book speaks about. Please feel free to ask any question or make any comment here, or at a meeting, recovered alcoholics really enjoy helping others.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.

3.More About Alcoholism.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by ODAAT » Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:59 pm

epaige20 wrote:It’s a really long story .... and I just don’t know what to do because I can’t tell my family.
From your brief account, your drinking is often out of control. Know this: things will get worse. Unless you change. Try to think about some major changes, in thinking and in behavior. You will find that you will need help to change.

Everyone here will be glad to help.

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by Db1105 » Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:49 am

I sobered up when I was 17 back in 1977. My family was all to familiar with my problems because of numerous arrests, overdoses and involuntary commitments to mental institutions. Thank God for AA and The Twelve Steps. The only think not drinking has kept me from doing is not drinking alcohol. Call your local AA group and get to a meeting.

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by tomsteve » Wed Jan 09, 2019 10:04 am

Spirit Flower wrote:Young people are welcome in AA. I was 26, but I know some who started in their teens.
one of the best speakers ive seen and heard was a woman 42 years old that had just celebrated 28 years of sobriety.

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Re: I am relapsing badly

Post by JerryRoss » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:08 pm

Hi epaige my name is Jerry Ross and I totally understand how you can handle and hide it well. I've done it as well. The best thing you have done is admitting that you have done it and are asking for help. Have you considered treatment. It's not that bad if you really want help. We have to get out of our comfort zone and be willing to accept the help we need.

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