First 30 days

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shelbylp
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First 30 days

Post by shelbylp »

HI, what are some thoughts on whether to offer out the fact that you are in your 1st 30 days at a meeting, after a relapse. I relapsed 28 days ago after 3 years of sobriety and have been speaking up at every meeting that I am in my 1st 30 days again. I find it a little humiliating and repetitive, as I am from a very small town. Our meetings are very small, and we all know each other. Every one is aware I have relapsed. I admitted it and got honest with my fellowship. Should we, as relapsers, have to speak up at every meeting for an entire 30 days? Or is 1 or 2 times enough? I also had a sponsee in the past that said it kept her out of meetings, or she would show up late, just to not have to say it.

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Brock
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Re: First 30 days

Post by Brock »

Should we, as relapsers, have to speak up at every meeting for an entire 30 days?
Welcome to e-AA Shelby.

I have done a fair amount of reading about AA meeting procedure, and seen a good amount of ‘oddball’ ideas reported here as well, but never this one. These can usually be traced back to a sponsor somewhere along the so called sponsorship line, telling someone to do something, and this idea being passed along. Unless someone with more experience says that it’s normal that people who relapse, should say so at meetings for 30 days, I will chalk this up as another dumb idea. And if nobody here can show where this is recommended in AA literature, I would ask those in the meetings where the idea came from.

Congratulations on rebounding after your relapse, I certainly agree that you shouldn’t have to be saying this over and over.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Chelle
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Re: First 30 days

Post by Chelle »

I shared at my home group once when I relapsed after 18 months. After that I just said "I would like to listen". I had a lot to learn. I dont think it is helpful to humiliate yourself over and over again. Now that I have some time under my belt, I will share about it if it is helpful to someone else, and in the proper context.

Go easy on yourself. Once you figure out why you drank again, you can share your experience and show people what not to do.

Im so glad you made it back. Many people never do.

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Jojo2
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Re: First 30 days

Post by Jojo2 »

shelbylp wrote: I relapsed 28 days ago after 3 years of sobriety and have been speaking up at every meeting that I am in my 1st 30 days again. Our meetings are very small, and we all know each other. Every one is aware I have relapsed. Should we, as relapsers, have to speak up at every meeting for an entire 30 days?
Welcome Shelby. It is quite common for people to struggle to get back to meetings... sadly, pride kills. The important thing is not to allow a relapse to undermine your sober future so well done for 28 days.
Far from being the end of the journey, this merely informs where you go from there, as you make your way down the road to recovery.
You seem to have nearly run this 30 day gauntlet, but I have never heard of it before and am uncertain what it might be intended to achieve, other than humiliation. Once is enough. There is much emphasis where I am on sharing with your sponsor and getting back to a meeting and back to work on Step One as soon as possible.

We are either working on a recovery or working on a relapse.. which tends to happen long before picking up a drink.

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Spirit Flower
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Re: First 30 days

Post by Spirit Flower »

Just say it once, and then move on.
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avaneesh912
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Re: First 30 days

Post by avaneesh912 »

Should we, as relapsers, have to speak up at every meeting for an entire 30 days? Or is 1 or 2 times enough? I also had a sponsee in the past that said it kept her out of meetings, or she would show up late, just to not have to say it.
I would say, share what you didn't do then prior to relapse. Probably, you had up some resentment or just got complacent guarding the spiritual fitness, slowly missed a meeting here and a meeting there and boom ran into that blind spot the big book talks about. That would help your inner most self and also help other people who are not convinced about working the 12 steps. Many people believe going to meetings is going protect them from that insidious first drink. You look at the relapses, it happened way before that.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Theo50
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Re: First 30 days

Post by Theo50 »

It is great that you made it back to AA shelbylp. I cannot imagine why you would feel that you need to continue to share that you have relapsed. I agree with avaneesh912 that it would be helpful to others to share your experience of what lead you to relapse and how you found your path back to AA.

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beginningagain7
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Re: First 30 days

Post by beginningagain7 »

When I started my journey into recovery, it was suggest just to listen and not say anything. Listen to other people's story's. And when I became comfort in the surrounds then it was suggested that I speak. I got my start in A.A. in Cincinnati, Ohio and the meetings had a lot of members, so it was easy just to sit there and listen, until I felt comfortable to speak.

I eventually moved to a small town in New Mexico, and there was not as many members attending meetings. And even then I did very little speaking. I would only reply when someone said something that I could relate to from my experience. Only when a new person came into the room that I would relate my story.

Since I live one day at a time, when I speak or write anything, I only speak about what problems have arisen that could have me to have trouble in dealing with life. And I will tell how I over came that desire to drink. Telling them how the program helped me do it.

Have a good day,
Beginningagain4
John T.

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positrac
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Re: First 30 days

Post by positrac »

3 years and then relapsed with almost 30 days. Maybe just introduce yourself and listen, see I am of the opinion that if you veg like a mushroom then you might get to stinking thinking and go back because of all kinds of reasons between your ears. But if you know the pain of relapse and shame then hopefully you'll take the hand of AA and work toward learning that you have a disease and that you and I have to work this deal in order to keep the gift. A lot of people go out and see if they can drink like 'normal " people and never make it back due to ego and pride because they forgot their last drink!

So hopefully you can use this free gift and capitalize on the benefits and in time what you worried about in the beginning will be forgotten and you will be thinking of the moment and the day and nothing else.

Have a good week and keep coming back.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

tomsteve
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Re: First 30 days

Post by tomsteve »

its all about the motive.

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