Swearing and Trash talk

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Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Surrender » Sat Sep 15, 2018 4:32 am

Good Evening
Just need some feed back on Swearing and trash talk in AA, and loud swearing and trash talk in the car park at end of meeting.
I went to a Meeting lately, and fellow who has trouble staying on the wagon, was sharing in the meeting
about strip clubs and what he witnessed whilst in a 3rd world country recently, throwing swear words, every sentence.
Then after the meeting, continues the vile speech loudly outside, in the car park, with house's in close vicinity.
No one seems brave enough to approach him, for his a large intimidating looking Fella.
What is the procedure to rectify this problem or do we just say, "But there for the Grace of God go i"???.
Thank you
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Brock » Sat Sep 15, 2018 7:53 am

This sort of thing is frustrating, because there is very little we can do about it. In my own home group there is a lady member who tries her best to stop any bad language, I mean even saying S*** she doesn't like, (since the word is automatically changed to an S and some stars we can't even say it here). So the guidelines have been written by the group, to ask all who contribute to not use obscene language. At least if this is read upfront, we have a chance to tell the person it’s against the group guidelines.

But if they continue we can only appeal to them to have more respect for the group, if they don’t and the group conscience agrees, police can be called and they can be made to leave. But this causes so much upheaval, and probably a lot more cussing by the person while leaving, that it’s very rarely done.

If he wasn’t so big and intimidating it might be easier, but it seems that often people who get on that way, are the very ones who know that because of their size not many would try to set them straight. What I sometimes do is try to casually mention while sharing, that foul language maybe OK in certain places, but AA meetings are not construction sites, so we should be respectful of all present.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Greywolf » Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:18 am

Surrender wrote:I went to a Meeting lately, and fellow who has trouble staying on the wagon, was sharing in the meeting
about strip clubs and what he witnessed whilst in a 3rd world country recently, throwing swear words, every sentence.

The issue for me would be that experience in strip clubs wasn't a problem with staying sober or alcohol. The problem as I see it isn't the language that he uses but that the group puts up with stories that have little or nothing to do with alcoholism or drinking. BTW IMO that alcohol served is strip clubs is irrelevant.

Others may be offended by language but the places I drank, foul language was the order of the day.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Layne » Sat Sep 15, 2018 9:18 am

Some people are offended by swearing. Some people are offended by attempts to censor their language. Who is right? Neither is right. Neither is wrong. It is about personal beliefs. Express your belief to the fellow and let go of the outcome. Repeat as you feel necessary. Ask for a group conscience. Let go of the outcome. Express your belief and the result of requested group conscience to the fellow and let go of the outcome. Repeat as you feel necessary.

My personal belief is that expecting people to behave in a manner I find fitting is usually going lead to me being disturbed; and yes it happens still. In this program I have learned what to do when that happens. I also remember the words of my grandfather, who told me " Never try to teach a pig to sing. All you will do, is frustrate yourself and agitate the pig."
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Sep 15, 2018 9:56 am

What is the procedure to rectify this problem or do we just say, "But there for the Grace of God go i"???.


Bring this up in group conscience. Take a collective decision.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Brock » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:16 pm

Others may be offended by language but the places I drank, foul language was the order of the day.

In many of the places I drank it was the same, but the ladies and men I met there were not exactly gentlemen, or ‘ladylike’ ladies, and gentle ladies and men do choose to come to AA as well. Why should they be forced to endure bad language, or why should I, since part of the reason I no longer go to that type of bar is to avoid it. AA meetings are supposed to be a place of peace, serenity, and spirituality, speaking in f’s and c’s just isn’t conducive to that.

And it’s always the minority, as in this case one person spoiling it for others, tradition one clearly says our common welfare comes first, it trumps individual welfare. If some poor fellow didn’t get the upbringing to know better, or the schooling to use words without profanity, I feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough, to add his behavior to the any lengths newcomers are expected to go through.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Mickholic » Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:28 pm

Some groups incorporate something like the following in their formats: "Bad language often offends but its absence never does" or : "This group believes that foul language is not a sign of spirituality".

Some groups are so tolerant they allow this kind of thing to seriously backfire on our primary purpose. Speaking at a school a member lets rip, AA not invited back. Same at a medical school, then a rehab, doors become closed because what we present is not only unattractive but entirely inappropriate, but that is how we train our people when we tolerate the intolerable.

Well, maybe certain people should not be permitted to speak at these events, perhaps we should be more discriminating but then you get a whole new row about who should make those decisions. Is there a point where apathy takes over from tolerance?
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Sep 15, 2018 10:29 pm

Surrender wrote:I went to a Meeting lately, and fellow who has trouble staying on the wagon, was sharing in the meeting

Your problem is that an individual with no recovery is talking BS. Goes with the territory, I'm afraid. There are times when trashy talk is necessary to get through to the still-suffering, so beware of censoring too much just in an effort to muzzle 1 ego.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Surrender » Mon Sep 17, 2018 7:36 am

Thank's for your comment's.
In reference to the Loud swearing and trash talk in the Car park, with Family's living next door,
Tradition 11 states, Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion.
I believe every Human on the Planet, has a relative or Friend that battles with Alcohol, or has been born with this Disease.
So Just say Billy and Mary's young Son next door to the meeting, doesn't know it yet, but he's born with the Alcoholism.
I don't think they would, direct him to us in the Future, if they heard some of swearing n Trash yelled out across there roof tops at 9.30pm.
They would most Probably, send him to a shrink instead. Also People talk,
Just like when the Business owner say's "when i do a good job for my customer's no one find's out,
but when i do, a stuffed up job, 100 people find out.
Also we Rent a Hall at a Church, and if we got kicked out, it's to the river bank, or local park.
With the Swearing and Trash talk, in the Meeting's, i guess i have a choice,
i can walk out and have a smoke, when some one's being offensive.
Really, i don't need to take that stuff home with me in my head, or the Ladies, and have to Pray and Pray, to have release when i get home..
99% of the times i go Home from a meeting on cloud 9.
Honestly, i respect you folk here to not even, regurgitate what this Lad was talking about, regarding a strip Club.
Definitely wasn't your normal Western society, Club. :twisted:
Any way's, like i said i can just walk out, but i feel if Measure's are not put in place
the next Tommy and Suzie that get washed up from Alcoholism, on the incoming tide's in the Future
they might never come back, or Jail, Institution's and worse pay the ultimate Sacrifice.
Shalom Brothers and Sister's .
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:02 am

Any way's, like i said i can just walk out, but i feel if Measure's are not put in place
the next Tommy and Suzie that get washed up from Alcoholism, on the incoming tide's in the Future


All you said is very true. But it takes action from the group. We can do all the discussions here. As pointed earlier, take it up with the group conscience. If the members dont adhere to the rules, the group has rights to enforce it. Sometimes you may have to call the cops.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Greywolf » Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:10 am

If the members dont adhere to the rules, the group has rights to enforce it. Sometimes you may have to call the cops.


Rules, call the cops? I can hear it now, "Call the Bad Language Squad. There are reports of some alcoholics using swear words in their meetings."

It takes 3 people and a coffee pot to start a new group -- probably better idea than calling the cops. Start a Big Book study group. You won't be bothered by any swearing old timers there.

I'm in my 73rd year of being in an AA family or attending meetings and I have never heard of the cops being called for bad language or any other reason at anytime. I have heard of new meetings being formed more or less regularly. There are lots of good and some not so good reasons for starting new meetings or groups. All IMO are better than trying to impose rules or calling the cops.

The rule we should pay more attention to is Rule 62.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Greywolf » Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:13 am

Those neighbors who are having to put up with shouting at 9:30, they have good reasons for calling the cops.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Greywolf » Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:16 am

In reference to the Loud swearing and trash talk in the Car park, with Family's living next door,
Tradition 11 states, Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion.

Yeah, Go out and read the Traditions to them. That ought to stop it.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:53 am

I'm in my 73rd year of being in an AA family or attending meetings and I have never heard of the cops being called for bad language or any other reason at anytime.

There is an AA document on the subject of unruly behavior here https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-209_en.pdf it does contain the suggestion that legal authorities be called in certain circumstances.

With 73 years of experience, I find it upsetting that a better example could not be set, than three posts one after the other, disparaging the efforts of someone seeking advise for the welfare of members of his AA group. Such snide remarks as - “Yeah, Go out and read the Traditions to them. That ought to stop it,” are discouraging and obnoxious.

Greywolf, if you have no encouraging advise or words to offer, please say nothing.
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Re: Swearing and Trash talk

Postby tomsteve » Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:14 pm

what would the master want you to do?
has anyone pulled the offender aside and had a talk with him? they may be big in size but so what? why so fearful? personally i had no problem telling people what i thought when i was drunk- even proved more than once that beatin me bloody wasnt going to change my opinion. now when it comes to the welfare of AA i have no problem asking someone if i could have a word with them to the side-1 on 1- and dont care how big and bad they are( the 1 on 1 thing was all new to me). i havent ever encountered a bad experience doing it either. the outcome was either the person stopped attending that meeting or took a look at how their actions were effecting others.
i think the 1 on 1 thing has a lot to do with it- having a group of people try and talk to someone can put a person on the defense. 1 on 1 and keeping the mood light can have some pretty good outcomes.

we have a duty to protect the flock at meetings.
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