Acceptance - page 417 Big Book

For recovery discussion

Acceptance - page 417 Big Book

Postby No Bovine Scat » Thu Apr 19, 2018 6:08 pm

I've been around A.A. for about 20 years but I am new to this forum so please bear with me.

I've had a situation happen recently that brought the page 417 reading to mind. Specifically the part that reads "Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in god's world by mistake."

Before I going into detail about my situation I just want to hear from new voices on the subject. Thanks in advance.


Page 417 Acceptance
A.A. Big Book – Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes
No Bovine Scat
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby positrac » Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:03 am

Now that I have read another post by you I can say my sobriety date is 1 November 1989 and the world has changed a lot in those years and even perspectives of people and the attitudes and ideas and so this is always evolving and might be slippery at best.

I was told early on and it was about acceptance and how to deal with it. I couldn't get my head around the idea and I was also told about being careful for what I wished for as I might get bogged down into a real mess. What I did was pray for certain things as to (in my mind manipulate higher power plans) pick and choose what I wanted to accept and what I didn't. Years go on and like many things I grew and out grew some of the things that obviously didn't work. I prayed more for help in learning to accept what I couldn't change and the courage to know the difference. I wore a think rubber band on my wrist and whenever I had some thought I knew was going try and become rent free in my mind I pulled back and stung myself and I did that for about a year and stuff got better.

I am not sure what you'll expand on and for me as I understand things I try and not over think stuff and just keep it simple as I am merely one drink away from going back to hell as I lived it. So acceptance is pretty darn important because People, Places and Things can't always be changed no matter what.

Welcome
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
User avatar
positrac
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby tomsteve » Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:04 am

acceptance doesnt mean i have to like some certain person,place,thing, or situation.

personally i think what follows in that story os very important. a few pieces:
Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all
the men and women merely players.” He forgot to
mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able
to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I
was always glad to point it out, because I knew you
wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance
have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst
of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all
children of God and we each have a right to be here.
When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining
about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I
know better than God.


Then, one day in A.A., I was told that I had the
lenses in my glasses backwards; “the courage to
change” in the Serenity Prayer meant not that I
should change my marriage, but rather that I should
change myself and learn to accept my spouse as she
was. A.A. has given me a new pair of glasses. I can
again focus on my wife’s good qualities and watch
them grow and grow and grow.
I can do the same thing with an A.A. meeting. The
more I focus my mind on its defects—late start, long
drunkalogs, cigarette smoke—the worse the meeting
becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the
meeting, rather than what I can get out of it, and when
I focus my mind on what’s good about it, rather than
what’s wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better
and better. When I focus on what’s good today, I have
a good day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a
bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases;
if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.



Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.
The higher my expectations of other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it compared
to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being.
Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God
today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting
for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever
is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up
to Him; however it turns out, that’s God’s will for me.
I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance
and off my expectations, for my serenity is
directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When
I remember this, I can see I’ve never had it so good.
Thank God for A.A.!
tomsteve
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:25 am

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:10 am

I believe the other way to look at it is. Whatever happened, do we look for a solution? Or be drawn into the abyss. Thats a choice we have once we awaken. Until then we wouldn't even look for any solution we will be caught in the quicksand like Bill puts it.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4816
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby No Bovine Scat » Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:41 am

Two points :

A young girl who was a member of one of the meetings I attend went back out and overdosed. She left behind a six year old daughter. I may have a unusual view on the essence of a higher power, but in what universe would that girl's death not "be a mistake"? One of my home group members always quotes that passage I posted. My response to him is I could apply his thinking and go spend the rest of my life sitting on a bar stool. According to him that would be god's will.

I guess I'm just angry about that girl who lost her struggle. Saying it's "god's will" just gets me even more angry.

What I try telling myself is that not all things are meant to be how they turn out. Certain situations are totally unacceptable as they are. I just need to accept the fact that I am powerless over people, places and things.
No Bovine Scat
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby tomsteve » Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:48 am

its not a requirement to believe what someone said in a story and/or what others believe. its quite ok to disagree with other peoples' opinions.
tomsteve
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:25 am

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby No Bovine Scat » Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:30 am

tomsteve wrote:its not a requirement to believe what someone said in a story and/or what others believe. its quite ok to disagree with other peoples' opinions.


Very True!!!!
No Bovine Scat
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby Blue Moon » Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:54 pm

One old-timer I knew had an interesting take on the "nothing happens in God's world by mistake" angle: not everybody is living in God's world.

If acceptance was all that's required, I would still be drinking. I admitted and accepted my alcoholism long before walking into AA.

What I had not yet accepted was a solution.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3620
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby D'oh » Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:09 pm

One old-timer I knew had an interesting take on the "nothing happens in God's world by mistake" angle: not everybody is living in God's world.

If acceptance was all that's required, I would still be drinking. I admitted and accepted my alcoholism long before walking into AA.

What I had not yet accepted was a solution.


100% correct. I often state "Nobody walks thru the doors by Accident"

If drinking was still working, the last place I would be is an AA Meeting. Backed by years of trying to make it work.

Dr Paul's story is my favourite story in the BB. A very wise and humorous man.
D'oh
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 756
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:51 am

Re: Acceptence - page 417 Big Book

Postby No Bovine Scat » Fri Apr 20, 2018 9:09 pm

D'oh wrote:
One old-timer I knew had an interesting take on the "nothing happens in God's world by mistake" angle: not everybody is living in God's world.

If acceptance was all that's required, I would still be drinking. I admitted and accepted my alcoholism long before walking into AA.

What I had not yet accepted was a solution.


100% correct. I often state "Nobody walks thru the doors by Accident"

If drinking was still working, the last place I would be is an AA Meeting. Backed by years of trying to make it work.

Dr Paul's story is my favourite story in the BB. A very wise and humorous man.



Both good observations. As I said above, if sitting on a bar stool was god's will for me I would still be sitting there.
No Bovine Scat
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Acceptance - page 417 Big Book

Postby JungianRecovery » Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:10 am

"nothing happens in God's world by mistake"

To me, not a strong believer if at all (depends what we mean by "God"), this means that it may be helpful to look at supposedly negative occurrences and figure out how to use them to our advantage.

Even if someone is being mean to us without reason, let's at least act as if they're there to teach us how to be confrontation in a respectful way, or maybe they're there to teach us the importance of compassion.
JungianRecovery
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:49 am

Re: Acceptance - page 417 Big Book

Postby No Bovine Scat » Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:54 pm

JungianRecovery wrote:"nothing happens in God's world by mistake"

To me, not a strong believer if at all (depends what we mean by "God"), this means that it may be helpful to look at supposedly negative occurrences and figure out how to use them to our advantage.

Even if someone is being mean to us without reason, let's at least act as if they're there to teach us how to be confrontation in a respectful way, or maybe they're there to teach us the importance of compassion.



"Accept the things we cannot change. Courage to change the things we can."

Acceptance keeps me sane. I need to realize I cannot change people places or things.

But I can easily use "acceptance" to not to change.

"What the heck.....I'm sitting on this bare stool wasting my life. I can live with that. It's meant to be."

Phony acceptance can be my rationalization for my bad behavior and unwillingness to change.
No Bovine Scat
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: Acceptance - page 417 Big Book

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:20 pm

In my particular case, acceptance absolutely was key, but to a sick mind acceptance can mean
-->such things as <--
a battered woman accepting that she has to return her abuser, and take his abuse,
when what needs to be accepted is short-term hard poverty and short-term helplessness.

Accepting can mean a man accepting that his parents were mentally ill people, that his wife never loved him, etc. etc..

One does not need to accept the "fact" that his life will always suck. One sometimes need to accept the fact that long ago he chose the wrong path and has spent a decade denying, repeating and reinforcing his mistake because he lacks the courage, and the humility to say "How could I have been so STUPID all these years?"

Acceptance can mean a million things and it does not have to mean tolerating the intolerable.

Sometimes a person has to acceot "If you pet that dog again, it will bite you again, and it will be your own damn fault."

God made us for greatness.
If he loved suffering, if He wanted us to live in poverty, He would not have instructed His followers to alleviate such things.

Accept His challenge.
Accept that the road will be hard.

Most of all I needed to accept that God did not create me to be the beneficiary of His love and charity. I am not the end-all be-all of His creation. He created me to be His agent.
1Peter5:10
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 8:56 pm


Return to Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot], Splicer_777 and 5 guests