Personality Change

For recovery discussion

Personality Change

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Fri Mar 30, 2018 9:11 pm

"It has often been said of A.A. that we are interested only in alcoholism. That is not true. We have to get over drinking in order to stay alive. But anyone who knows the alcoholic personality by firsthand contact knows that no true alky ever stops drinking permanently without undergoing a profound personality change."

As Bill Sees It, Essay 1
from a letter he wrote in1940

These words made me uncomfortable, when I read them, in my first few days out of treatment.  And yet they rang true for me then and ring true for me now.

They are central to AA's entire approach.
1Peter5:10
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Personality Change

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Mar 31, 2018 5:08 am

Yes, but it starts with the first step. If the person is not convinced that he is an alcoholic, very little can be done. They show that in stories like the "Fred the accountant". But after his experience in Washington, he does realize what the AAers told was true. He realizes that the alcoholic will run into those blank spots where deliberates and convinces that he deserves a drink or doesn;t even think, but just picks up.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4723
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Personality Change

Postby Brock » Sat Mar 31, 2018 6:14 am

The idea of a ‘profound personality change’ scared me as well, I was thinking it meant maybe becoming a ‘nerd,’ or some kind of holy roller who didn’t look at sexy girls. In the past here I have gone out of my way to tell newcomers this is not true, because I have seen a bit of fear of any change in their writing.

I see now it means changing to a more decent human being, and it seems to happen almost automatically, more considerate and less selfish. And a by product of the changes is we become happier, it’s an all round win for everyone.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3418
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Personality Change

Postby PaigeB » Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:42 am

I didn't want to become the "hole in a donut". I did not want to become a drooling automaton of the "religious right".

I took a lot of hope from page 152
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.


I drank 24/7 and I needed a substitute. I did not care if you thought I was reading one addiction for another. ANYTHING was better than the way I was... Trust me, my husband agrees. Even years later, he will give me all the room and time or anything else I need to maintain my sobriety.

Finding a Higher Power to work with helped me be less afraid ~ That made the world a safer place because my fear rarely led me to the flight side or "fight or flight". I could be dangerous when I was afraid and of course I was driven by "100 forms of fear." I did not know, nor could I even imagine, any other way to live.

I like what Brock said:
I see now it means changing to a more decent human being, and it seems to happen almost automatically, more considerate and less selfish. And a by product of the changes is we become happier, it’s an all round win for everyone.

My family would agree! :lol: :wink:
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 7623
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Personality Change

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sat Mar 31, 2018 12:49 pm

Given my history, sooner or later something, if only boredom or restlessness, probably would have driven me over the alcohol-consumption edge. (see story of man who quit drinking until he retired, BB p 32).

As circumstances were, when too many people died I wallowed in grief and pampered myself, with alcohol.

When my marriage was far far from what a normal person would had hoped, I neither accepted it, more changed it nor ended it. I walked on constant eggshells and pampered myself, with alcohol.

When almost any reason for celebration or relaxation presented itself, I pampered myself, again with alcohol.

A person who wallows in grief, walks on eggshells, and pampers himself the way I do/did is in serious need of a personality change. I was headed for trouble one way or another whether I pampeted myself with chocolate ice cream or with alcohol.

I have no doubt that God saved me from my most immediate obsession to drink but that is only half the battle. I've still got a lot of work to do.
1Peter5:10
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Personality Change

Postby DesignatedDriver » Tue May 22, 2018 7:49 am

This is an interesting topic.

I was 15 when I started drinking and I wasn't a very confident kid. I'd had a very strict upbringing and schooling and I quite liked being on my own because I saw people in general as a source of pressure and anxiety. In short, people usually meant trouble.

When I started drinking all of that fear would go away and I would have a false confidence. I drank for about 20 years and since I got sober a little over a year ago I've noticed that a lot of the people I ran around with during my drinking days no longer like me. I'm not the person they knew when I was drinking, they preferred the drunk version of me. I've also noticed that I have less time for people than I did when I drank and that's probably because without the drink I'm being reintroduced to that pre-15 year old kid who didn't like people all that much.

But I don't mind any of that, because I feel as though I have a far better understanding of it and of myself than I did back then. I'm comfortable in my own skin and I get by just fine without people.

Getting sober won't always make you popular. A lot of people won't like you for it. But this where it comes down to looking after number one and being selfish for the right reasons. I was a people-pleaser when I drank, and I was also a complete fraud. The sober me might not be the most loveable but it's the real me, I'm being true to myself, and that's the best version of me that I can be.
DesignatedDriver
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Personality Change

Postby Greywolf » Fri May 25, 2018 6:12 pm

avaneesh912 wrote:Yes, but it starts with the first step. If the person is not convinced that he is an alcoholic, very little can be done.

This may be true for old farts like "Fred the accountant" in the example below. That was then. This is now, 2018.

I was only 20 when I first looked at AA the first time. Only 26 when I came in. I knew I was in trouble with beverage alcohol but an alcoholic? Some day, one day, maybe, but now. No way. I was waaaay to young to be an alcoholic. Isn't an alcoholic someone who lives on skid row and drinks cheap wine? Well, you know what I mean. I would say my name and that I was an alcoholic. I needed to fit in, not standout like a sore thumb.

Fortunately the 1st step is "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable." They read those darned steps at every meeting. I guess I started to hear those steps about the 3rd week. What does it mean to be powerless over alcohol? And what's with this "My life had become unmanageable?" I stuck around and listened, too embarrassed to ask a question. Someway or another they read my mind and and answered the questions I couldn't ask..

When the time was right for me I took a look at my record with drinking. After that I could see and admit that I was powerless over alcohol -- my life had become unmanageable. Then one night I heard myself saying, "I'm 'Greywolf' and I'm an alcoholic" and I meant it. Probably won't work for anyone else but it sure worked for me.

avaneesh912 wrote:They show that in stories like the "Fred the accountant". But after his experience in Washington, he does realize what the AAers told was true. He realizes that the alcoholic will run into those blank spots where deliberates and convinces that he deserves a drink or doesn;t even think, but just picks up.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.
Greywolf
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 89
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:56 pm


Return to Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Greywolf and 4 guests