Does this make sense?

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whozrdaddy
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Does this make sense?

Post by whozrdaddy » Fri Dec 25, 2015 1:50 am

I just decided to quit, self medicating for my depression. I am so disgusted by my actions that I have no desire to use. The thought actually makes me sick. My anxiety and issue right now is hoping that this feeling is permanent and not just a phase. I don't want to lose touch with how insane that lifestyle was.

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Niagara
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Re: Does this make sense?

Post by Niagara » Fri Dec 25, 2015 3:25 am

Hi Again :)

How that worked for me was I would get drunk, wake up, feeling disgusted, full of guilt, shame and swear off the drink. Sometimes I could swear off for a while...less so in the later stages of my active alcholism. However, sooner or later, those feelings were outweighed by the fact that I just didn't feel like I fit in my own skin. Anxious, depressed, unable to cope with day to day living. Those feelings didn't fade over time with me - they got stronger...and the fight would begin. I'd feel off. I'd want to drink. But my own disgust/shame would tell me not to...at some point the unease I felt would override those feelings of guilt and shame. I'd forget them, and taking 'just one' drink, would seem like a great idea. When the obsession to drink is strong, it's like my mind cannot grab a hold of a reason NOT to drink...and so I'd end up drunk.

As an alcoholic, I have a physical problem with booze too. Once I start drinking, I find it incredibly difficult to stop or moderate. So, though I might only intend to have one or two, just to take the edge off...the reality became something else entirely. I'd have that one or two, then three, four or five, six or seven, would soon follow. Didn't mean to, just couldn't stop.

that's a very difficult merry go round to get off alone. Once I start, I can't stop. Once I stop, I can't STAY stopped. That cycle was leading me to an early grave. Not even 40 and my body was failing me.

If you can identify with the above, you need a power greater than yourself to stop this deadly cycle in it's tracks. Willpower alone just won't cut it. Willpower almost got me dead. I am strong willed in many ways, but against alcohol willpower is useless.

If you're like me, an alcoholic, it's a given that you'll forget how insane that lifestyle was. This disease LIES to me. It wants me dead. It's cunning, baffling, powerful, and fatally progressive. It gets worse, never better.

All that said, though the above was terrifying once I realized my predicament, there IS a solution to it. 12 steps. It's the only thing that worked for me. Medication, therapy...I still ended up drunk. I needed a miracle and I got one here.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

whozrdaddy
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Re: Does this make sense?

Post by whozrdaddy » Fri Dec 25, 2015 5:24 am

Thank you very much for your response. It does sound very familiar to me. I don't think I have health issues at this point, but they were right around the corner. I have lost good friends and almost a relationship with my son. Mainly I have lost all my money and possessions not to mention my self respect. We all have problems with life and mine are no different. I was sober from 2000 to 2009. I started again after my divorce, but it didn't get real bad until about a year ago. I had tons of anxiety and tried to live numb. The problem was that I forgot about everything else. Tuesday was a breaking point for me. I went on a binge and wasn't done until the next afternoon. I was hanging out with bad people in bad areas of town. I lost my phone, my wallet, and couldn't find my car. I behind on child support, but spending hundreds a week if not more on booze? Hopefully this program will teach me how to better cope with anxiety and depression and I can find myself living a more complete sober life.

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whipping post
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Re: Does this make sense?

Post by whipping post » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:00 am

I was chock full of anxiety and depression a year and a half ago. My bottom was mental and those were two of the key components. Don't be surprised if the majority of it disappears once you stop pouring depressants into your body and adopt the steps as a way of life. Chemically it will take time for the body and brain to heal. The obsession to drink can be removed by the steps. They are also where you will find the key to living life, not just coping.

Keeping in contact with other alkies through this forum and meetings helps to remind me of where I came from and that I don't want to go back. Otherwise there is a chance I could lose that disgust you have now.

Hang in there and get busy.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Does this make sense?

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:07 am

Like the book says, once I started cleaning up, I was living in the 4th dimension. We walk through deaths, divorces, job loss and other life situations without having to be a slave to alcohol or other substances. What a incredible liberation. Man, I will be at the package store at 10 am, for the owner to ask me if its not too early. I will tell him, as a business owner he shouldn't be preaching clients and that he will be losing business :mrgreen: . Today, just to live a obsession free life is a gift. Only because of the 12 steps.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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