Fear

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Alex1
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Fear

Post by Alex1 » Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:45 am

Hi all,

I don't know if this is the place for a check in but here goes.

I have a lot of fear today because I have an important exam in about 2 months and there is just so much information to learn I have no idea how I can do it. This fear is causing me to procrastinate, which makes me waste time and makes the fear stronger, so I procrastinate some more. I keep asking my HP for help and guidance but right now all I want to do is take a drink and escape. The reason I'm writing this is because I do want to pass my exam and in my experience taking a drink takes away a lot more time than working the program.

I have made a few calls already and have a meeting in a few hours. I guess I need to pray a bit too.

Thanks

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Duke
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Re: Fear

Post by Duke » Sun Sep 20, 2015 9:00 am

Thanks for sharing Alex.

As to the exam, I've found that picking a reasonable amount of time to study and then putting it on my calendar as an appointment really helped me to stay on task. For some reason, just leaving it open didn't work. I'd always find something else I thought I needed to do and then find I'd lost yet another day. When it was there as two hours from noon to two, for instance, I'd do it.

As to the thoughts of drinking, it sounds like you're already doing what I'd do by staying in close touch through calls and meetings. Don't forget service though.

I don't know where you are in your program, but if you haven't worked the steps with an experienced member, be sure to make time for that as well. Nothing helps much with fear until you learn how to live based on our spiritual principles.

Best to you. You'll be in my thoughts.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

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Niagara
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Re: Fear

Post by Niagara » Sun Sep 20, 2015 9:41 am

Hi Alex

I just read back on your previous posts...did you get that fifth step done? Living on the principles in the steps relieved a lot of fear for me. Fear held me back with so much. I couldn't think clearly, and I couldn't see clearly. As time goes on, things begin to come together.

What's important right now, is getting into the steps...anything I put before my recovery, I stand to lose if I end up drinking. Once I'd got through the first 9 steps best I could, and began to live in the last 3, things gradually started to come into focus...growth began. I began to have discipline. I was a huge procrastinator, I am less so, now. Slowly my life begins to get into order, and that does include getting organized with my time. I can't live in chaos, like I used to.

I get that the exam is important to you, but first things first. Your life is important. Meetings won't remove the fear, and fear I've found can block me off from God quite nicely if I'm not careful. Since God (or whichever HP you prefer to use) is the one with the power that gives me a defense against that first drink, that relationship, by necessity, comes above all else.

If you don't pass the exam, it might seem massive right now, but there is always later when you're more on your feet physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. If you drink, or are consumed by the obsession, your chances are reduced anyway.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

2granddaughters

Re: Fear

Post by 2granddaughters » Sun Sep 20, 2015 10:57 am

Alex1 wrote:Hi all,

I guess I need to pray a bit too.

Thanks
And start buckling down on your studies.
God won't pick the book(s) up for you but He will help you once you pick them up

All the best..
Bob R.

Alex1
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Re: Fear

Post by Alex1 » Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:23 am

Thank you for the replies.

I am working on my 4th step. My sponsor actually wants me to do an extensive fears inventory, I've done the first column, that was easy. I'm going to ask for guidance on how to do the rest.

I'm having a bad day, I don't feel too good today, I've wasted my day and now I'm even further behind in studies. But I believe that if I don't drink today then tomorrow might be better.

I have fears about the exam because I want to get a better job asap and I'm worried that if I don't do well in the exam first time it will be harder to get the job I want. I guess that's self-reliance, as if God wouldn't be able to get me the job if I don't make it happen. I'm trying to remind myself that I can only do my best. If I do my best and fail then that was God's will. I don't really know what job is best for me anyway.

Besides which, thank God I have enough money for all of my needs today. If my needs were greater, God could give me more even in my current job.

I do believe that God wants me to succeed and do well in my exams too, but like you say first things first, he wants me to not drink today.

There are some character defect I'm not sure I want to give up yet, but procrastination is not one of them. I really don't want it at all. It makes my life so unmanageable, less productive and less pleasant. And it makes me more fearful, especially at work where I've got deadlines.

Stepchild
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Re: Fear

Post by Stepchild » Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:57 am

Alex1 wrote:I am working on my 4th step. My sponsor actually wants me to do an extensive fears inventory, I've done the first column, that was easy. I'm going to ask for guidance on how to do the rest.
This is some good guidance right here.

Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

pgs 67-68

When we finish this inventory and discuss it with another human being in step 5 they make some very nice promises...

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
pg 75

Our fears fall from us....That's good stuff...I experienced these promises. I think that would be something that you'd want to experience soon as well. Maybe set yourself a routine for each day...Work on what you need to. Just keep moving forward. That's all that counts.

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Tosh
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Re: Fear

Post by Tosh » Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:23 am

Ditto what the others said about the steps, but I too can be a brilliant procrastinator when it comes to doing stuff I don't really want to do. What it boils down to is just doing it (I actually think I'm giving this advice to myself; I've got my tax return to do today; not joking either).

Don't ask God for potatoes unless we've got a derogatory in our hand, right? :lol:

I find that when the thought comes that there's something I've got to do, I've got about five seconds to act upon it, otherwise I don't do it.

On that note I'm going to do my tax return. **Sigh**
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Layne
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Re: Fear

Post by Layne » Mon Sep 21, 2015 7:45 am

Where I live we are into the second week of a forest fire. 70,000+ acres burned. 500+ houses gone. 2 fatalities. At my house, no electrical power for 3 days which also means no phone because we have no cell phone coverage in this area, no access to information on fire progress, no water either because we are on a well system. People I know have lost their homes. People I know have had to evacuate their homes and are still unable to return home.

The other day I went to an AA meeting and it made me realize just how grateful I am to this program. Due to the fact that I have worked the twelve steps of AA, I have able to continue to get on with my life despite the tumultuous circumstances surrounding me.

Any fears I might have had, didn't materialize to paralyze me or send me into an alcoholic stupor in order to not deal with them. The fire is going to do what the fire is going to do whether I am afraid or not. My fears will not make the fire stop nor will my fears make the fire grow.

I can not begin to express the depth of my gratitude to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Working it has brought serenity to my life. Serenity is not the absence of fires and fears, but peace and courage in the midst of them.

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Niagara
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Re: Fear

Post by Niagara » Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:45 am

@Layne

Eeek, be safe and hope it's under control soon.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Fear

Post by Spirit Flower » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:23 pm

Fear can be paralyzing.

Just knowing this helps me get moving.
...a score card reading zero...

2granddaughters

Re: Fear

Post by 2granddaughters » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:26 pm

The Big Book states it so well "driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity."

I also like in Step 7 where it states "Rebellion dogs our every step"

All the best.

Bob R

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Re: Fear

Post by D'oh » Mon Sep 21, 2015 9:15 pm

Stepchild wrote:
Alex1 wrote:I am working on my 4th step. My sponsor actually wants me to do an extensive fears inventory, I've done the first column, that was easy. I'm going to ask for guidance on how to do the rest.
This is some good guidance right here.

Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

pgs 67-68

.
Thanks, I looked for this quote early this morning but run out of time.

"This short word affect every aspect of our life."

My sponsor taught me that fears opposite was Faith. God will never put something in your way that cannot be handled through the Fellowship and Prayer.

Besides, we don't even know what we are scared of I.E. is it the height, or the ground "IF" or when you fall? Fear is in the future, the future is in Gods hands.

catcar
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Re: Fear

Post by catcar » Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:37 pm

Following. Great comments!

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positrac
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Re: Fear

Post by positrac » Wed Sep 23, 2015 3:52 am

Alex1 wrote:Hi all,

I don't know if this is the place for a check in but here goes.

I have a lot of fear today because I have an important exam in about 2 months and there is just so much information to learn I have no idea how I can do it. This fear is causing me to procrastinate, which makes me waste time and makes the fear stronger, so I procrastinate some more. I keep asking my HP for help and guidance but right now all I want to do is take a drink and escape. The reason I'm writing this is because I do want to pass my exam and in my experience taking a drink takes away a lot more time than working the program.

I have made a few calls already and have a meeting in a few hours. I guess I need to pray a bit too.

Thanks
Good points posted on fear and life on life's terms. You have many choices and really if you can learn to keep it simple then some points might not be so illuminated. How do you eat the elephant? one bite at a time! Big exam? 3X5 cards and make questions and quiz yourself. A lot of work writing although you are learning and retaining. Just try today to do more than yesterday is all we are being asked to do and we get no more than what we can handle. Getting sober is not easy as we are generally lazy and yet hard workers at the same time. Step back and look at what is front of you and pie chart it and you can do it.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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aaforever
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Re: Fear

Post by aaforever » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:05 pm

When I feel like that I go to a meeting with my sponsor or we'll meet outside the meeting for lunch, and of course, I keep her updated on the steps I'm working on!
Live and Let Live!

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