I need help..please

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sooze
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I need help..please

Post by sooze » Sun Aug 16, 2015 7:34 pm

I was sober for 5 years. I have now been drinking for 7 months. I feel that God has left me, that I am no longer joyous, happy or free, as I am now a slave once again to the nerves that cause us to continue. If you are thinking of picking up...please DON'T. I am waking up before work with sweats and extreme anxiety. I moved to a new city, so my old AA friends are not here. However, this is my own doing. Like they say, it is cunning and baffling. I am trying to cut back gradually...but come the weekends, my brain is in hyper mode. I know longer care for the things I need too, I'm watching things slip away. The hardest part is, that I am aware of all of this.

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Duke
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Re: I need help..please

Post by Duke » Sun Aug 16, 2015 8:49 pm

I am sorry for your struggles sooze. I know you know we don't abandon our wounded. Please get back to meetings as soon as possible. I don't know what your program has been, but if you haven't done so yet, I strongly suggest you find someone whose sobriety seems solid to help you work through the steps. Even if you did them before, it sure seems like something was missing. It's working the steps and committing to living on the basis of the principles you find in that process that will free you from the desire to drink and assure continued sobriety.

Welcome back. I wish you the best. We'll be here.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

Stepchild
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Re: I need help..please

Post by Stepchild » Sun Aug 16, 2015 8:51 pm

Welcome snooze....I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. But you know the routine....Trust God and clean house. Get yourself to a doctor and see if he can give you something to help detox. Then get yourself to a meeting...Get a sponsor....And get busy. It worked before.....It will work again.

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tyg
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Re: I need help..please

Post by tyg » Mon Aug 17, 2015 1:08 am

I relapsed just before my 6th year. I was wet for nearly three and was in & out of AA. AA was not working for me. I believe the cause was, I couldn't get honest just yet. I wasn't willing to be completely honest in the rooms, tell them my struggles nor use the phone list, no matter the hour; or grab someone after the meeting and talk. I was ashamed to announce my days every time because I'd get a little time, then slip...this repeated.

Queer thinking told me I'll be okay...I'm back at meetings now. I expected people would read my mind, know my struggles and approach me. I was hurt when they didn't. My pride, fears and sensitivities kept me sick and not willing to DO any extreme to stay sober. It is the strange mental twists in my thinking that creates the big monster and makes everything so hard, when really it's not. Especially, when a God-consciousness runs my life.

Alcohol is the great motivator, it only gets worse out there, never better. 2am on a Saturday, I felt death knocking. 2 hours later, saving my ass got more important then pissing someone off, so I called an AAer at 4am and asked if we can die from withdrawls. My peculiar thinking worried how much $$$ ER and detox would cost. Needing to debate money vs. my life, I called that friend back. My thinking wants me dead!

They said, Get your F' ing butt to detox NOW..click, dial tone!! So off to detox(good thing too) I went, still counting $$. Then took Hospitals suggestions and went to a treatment center. Even though I had no health insurance and would abruptly take leave from job and children. I opted for drastic measures and was willing to do anything to conquer alcohol now.

Treatment helped me. It kept me safe from alcohol long enough to get my head cleared a bit, eat healthy food, and get good sleep. But it was me reaching out to other alcoholics, not the other way around; and dependance on applying the Steps daily. My sponsor told me, sobriety gets harder with relapse BUT permanent sobriety is possible. I'm going to really have to work hard at it, no matter what!

God's never left, we cut ourselves off from a conscious contact. You'll find God, recover, gain a lot of friends and a wonderful life when the spiritual principles are put ahead of everything else! This is has been my experience and see it happen with all who do it.

Sure glad you are here...big hugs and prayers coming your way
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

fzynvl5
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Re: I need help..please

Post by fzynvl5 » Mon Aug 17, 2015 10:32 am

I'm sorry for your struggles Sooze. Please don't give up, you've had the courage to do this before, so I know you can do it again. Try meditation, being open with a closed friend, and/or go to a meeting. Meetings did not work for me, but I know a lot that they have helped. Hang in there kid...

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ezdzit247
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Re: I need help..please

Post by ezdzit247 » Mon Aug 17, 2015 11:16 am

sooze wrote:I was sober for 5 years. I have now been drinking for 7 months. I feel that God has left me, that I am no longer joyous, happy or free, as I am now a slave once again to the nerves that cause us to continue. If you are thinking of picking up...please DON'T. I am waking up before work with sweats and extreme anxiety. I moved to a new city, so my old AA friends are not here. However, this is my own doing. Like they say, it is cunning and baffling. I am trying to cut back gradually...but come the weekends, my brain is in hyper mode. I know longer care for the things I need too, I'm watching things slip away. The hardest part is, that I am aware of all of this.
Hi sooze and welcome back.

I relapsed just before what would have been my second AA birthday. Even today I don't understand exactly what happened or why I chose to pick up drink instead of calling someone or working the Steps or praying to God for help but I didn't do any of those things. I just bought a bottle of brandy and drank it. I can relate to "the hardest part" being awareness of the fact that everything I was doing being contrary to everything I learned in AA about alcoholism...and doing it anyway. After I drank and came to, I finally remembered hearing other relapsers share in meetings that a "head full of AA and a belly full of booze" is a really bad combination. I found out they were 100% right the hard way. Sounds like you have too. It was very difficult for me to go back to meetings and raise my hand as a newcomer again. It hurt my ego big time to do that, but I made the decision not to listen to my ego and went back to meetings anyway. That worked for me and it will work for you as well if you are willing to make the decision not to listen to what your ego is saying and go to a meeting. Are you willing, sooze?

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

surfmed999
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Re: I need help..please

Post by surfmed999 » Tue Sep 08, 2015 6:21 am

"My sponsor told me, sobriety gets harder with relapse BUT permanent sobriety is possible. I'm going to really have to work hard at it, no matter what!"

Never EVER give up. I spent 25 years in and out of the Gates of Hell before I was finally given the gift of sobriety. If you go to a meeting...right now...walk in there and say, "My name is *** and I can't stop drinking. Please help me", YOU will have given a gift to those people in that room that is a precious as life.

catcar
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Re: I need help..please

Post by catcar » Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:43 pm

surfmed999 wrote:"My sponsor told me, sobriety gets harder with relapse BUT permanent sobriety is possible. I'm going to really have to work hard at it, no matter what!"

Never EVER give up. I spent 25 years in and out of the Gates of Hell before I was finally given the gift of sobriety. If you go to a meeting...right now...walk in there and say, "My name is *** and I can't stop drinking. Please help me", YOU will have given a gift to those people in that room that is a precious as life.
Yes, get to as many meetings as possible and say you need help staying sober. You will be giving a gift to the people who reach out to help you and you will get the gift of them helping you. It is all about the actions. If you say you need help, people will help you in this program. Believe me, I ask for help ALL THE TIME! In my strong moments, I am then able to help others too and that helps keep me sober more than anything

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