Almost a year and feeling nervous

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catcar
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Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by catcar » Sat Jun 13, 2015 10:58 pm

So I am at month 11 now and all of a sudden am feeling the need to go to meetings or be with other AA friends constantly whenever I have free time. If I don't, I kind of break down. I feel like I should be more comfortable now than I was months ago but somehow, I feel less comfortable. Maybe this has to do with my always feeling like I failed at everything (totally in my own head). It is almost like I am SURE that I am going to mess this up. Has anyone else experienced this?

Reborn
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Reborn » Sat Jun 13, 2015 11:29 pm

YES right before my first year I got super antsy but I did what you are doing and went to more meetings and hung out with my sober buddies. My sponsor who has 15 years told me he gets a little nervous around his birthday as well. Don't freak out just remember what you've learned, practice the principles and remember you are worth it!
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132

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Niagara
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Niagara » Sun Jun 14, 2015 2:59 am

Heya Catcar :)

We got sober around the same time. July 5th will be my one year mark. I've had it drilled into me by my sponsor to not look at the length of time, to instead turn my focus to what I am doing within the program. He says if I do that, the birthdays will take care of themselves. He's got a lot of years, I'm not going to argue with him :lol:

Good to see you again :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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Duke
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Duke » Sun Jun 14, 2015 3:49 am

The fact that you shared your fear instead of stewing over it says volumes. My first sustained period of doubt came at about three years, but was very similar to what you describe. My sponsor advised me to up my meetings and service work (both of which I'd let slide). And, of course, continuing to share my doubts and fears. That did the trick for me. It still does, as a matter of fact. As long as I'm still human, I will struggle at times. One day at a time, I've gotten through every one of those times. I know you will too.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Lali » Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:28 am

Catcar, congrats on 11 months! That is awesome! If I may, I would like to ask you about your fourth step. As I remember it, you struggled for a few months over starting your fourth. Did you ever complete 4 and 5? Those are very important in order to sustain good sobriety. And at 11 months, I would suggest that you have, in fact, completed ALL of the steps and are incorporating them into your daily life.

As has been said here, stay real close to meetings, service, and the fellowship and you will sail through your birthday!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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PaigeB
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by PaigeB » Sun Jun 14, 2015 11:33 am

I always get a little hinky before my chip... as if the milestone means that "I ought to be..." ad anything here. I ought to be more loving, but dammit I tripped over your muddy shoes! Which really means THEY ought to be more loving, which means I have gone NO WHERE - which means "What the hell was I thinking!?" :lol:

Also I got sober 5 days before my birthday, so you know things had to be NO fun at all in those last days, but still, that first birthday, I did hit like 4 meetings in one day! (We have great AA here in Area 24) At one of them I was crying that I just did not get it, that I was never going to make it... I remember the men looking like I was scaring the crap outta them... they hate the crying? But one did come up to me after that meeting as I was trying to rush off to the next meeting and he said something that has been said here to you today - but look what you are doing now... you are in a meeting looking for help and doing the next right thing. He told me he thought I would be able to make until tomorrow and told me there would be a meeting here again tomorrow, same time. He told me to come back. I bet I looked at him like - gee I don't know - but it was a real moment in time for me. His words were true and it gave me some hope. I went to the next meeting and I was asked to read the topic from literature. I didn't cry. I am glad I went to that meeting, but I can't recall the topic at all > to this day I only remember that man hurrying up to me after the meeting & his words and his confidence. Truth is, I can't even recall WHO he is... Anonymity at it's best I guess. I can't give him props but I can pay it forward.

My signature line reminds me I need to be content with patient improvement. I think YOU will make it through this, one day at a time, if you try to do the next right thing. Happy milestone & keep coming back! :wink:
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by catcar » Sun Jun 14, 2015 9:19 pm

Thank you and yes, I did complete my 4th step. It has taken a few meetings to complete the 5th with my sponsor. I would have loved to do this all earlier but working 7 days a week did not help that happen. I made some drastic changes (with the help of my sponsor and a number of other women in the program) and I am putting my focus on my sobriety and taking care of my son for a short while. It is helping me a lot but I feel like I am new in the program again. It is nice to be back n the boards. Fell off line for a while...

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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by catcar » Sun Jun 14, 2015 9:22 pm

Niagara wrote:Heya Catcar :)

We got sober around the same time. July 5th will be my one year mark. I've had it drilled into me by my sponsor to not look at the length of time, to instead turn my focus to what I am doing within the program. He says if I do that, the birthdays will take care of themselves. He's got a lot of years, I'm not going to argue with him :lol:

Good to see you again :)
Yes, focus on the program is key! Can't wait to celebrate a year for you on July 5th!!!

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Niagara
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Niagara » Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:47 am

Thanks Catcar :) when is your year?
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

catcar
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by catcar » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:04 am

Niagara wrote:Thanks Catcar :) when is your year?
July 13th

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Niagara
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by Niagara » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:19 am

Very close together :) Good to see you back around!
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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avaneesh912
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:21 am

(totally in my own head)
I can relate to that. And that is one of the main thing the big book talks about it. The mind being the problem of the alcoholic. We need to learn to dis-identify with out own head. Thats where medidation comes into play. I started meditation after hearing Mark Houston talk on 10 and 11 and that was the first gentlemen that drove in the importance of medidation as part of our recovery. Later on I was led to Eckhart Tolles work that re-inforced the problem. Our insecesant thinking was the main reason we are shut of from the sunlight of the spirit. Thats why carrying too much resentment, guilt, remorse is not good for an alcoholic. Once we go through the process, we should start experiencing all the promises. I love the 10th step promise because that tells me if I follow the rules, I will be placed in position of neutrality safe and protected. Its given to us. We don't struggle no more.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by pinkviolet » Wed Jun 24, 2015 9:54 am

Hi my name is Sylvie and I am an alcoholic and Bipolar

I completely understand what you are living through. The mind does play tricks with us at times even when we are feeling stable. 5 days before I was to celebrate my first year of sobriety I sabotaged it. I had this nervous anxiety of having to talk in front of a group, being the center of attraction. But today I believe that I had not really accepted the First Step. There was still doubt in my mind that I had lost control of everything because of alcohol. So I relapsed and the next day started counting over again.

I will celebrate 2 years this Saturday, June 27th and for the last month I have been struggling about my beliefs in God, as we understand him. I recently lost my 17 years old cat Daisy and since then I have been quite depressed and I am not feeling any God at all. I was thinking is there a heaven for pets? Finally to in my mourning completely change my taughts re religion, that when we die we will rise up to heaven. NOW it is NO...we just die and that is it. NO more existance.

I had a month of anxiety in regards to am I an alcoholic? Since I have been diagnosed with Bipolar a year ago, or am I just Bipolar? Therefore I started to seek Bipolar Groups. I cannot lie and not tell you how much I identified with them, more so than with AA. And as quickly as that with that new awareness I had lost my faith in AA. I decided not to attend more meetings but stick with the Bipolar Group therefore not taking my cake this Friday at my group. I had stayed away from meetings for quite a long time since I did not want AA members see what the medication was doing to me. Adjusting and finding the proper medication can be like a roller coaster, highs and lows. Not feeling stable etc. Plus since I talked in my group that I was Bipolar I felt apart and judged as often taking medication is not accepted by some members.

Today I know that feeling apart, being judge etc..was just another test of strenght, and probably all in my mind. That's how the alcoholic mind works. And it can sneak up on us anytime. I stayed sober but was definetively cutting myself from my group of AA.

Today, I feel calmer than I did a month ago and am leaning more in a higher spriritual universal force. But I feel so soothed and know that in 2 days this Friday I will celebrate 2 years of sobriety and continue to attend AA meetings and e-online AA meetings. I also know that I will in my lifetime repeat the 12 steps many times as my awareness changes.

So Congrats on one year of Sobriety and keep going back.

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clouds
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by clouds » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:44 am

Congratulations Catcar!

I got that way at three months, six months and the first year. Happily I report no more anniversary anxiety since then.

My sponsor pointed out that we really can only look to todays sobriety. Keeping in mind the 'one day at a time' slogan has helped me so much. I find sectioning sobriety and prqcticing the steps in one day segments has a lot of positive results. It relieves me of bigshottism about the amount of time I been sober as well as the pressure to be more serene and have all the answers I thought I'd have after such and such amount time in AA. It means that when I go to bed at night, I have accomplished one more 24 hours sober! wow, what a miracle that seems after my years of drunken living. when I get up tomarrow, I only have to get through the day, whatever it may bring, regardless of whether I slept well or not, regardless of the interview or the hard thing I must do that day, and when each day is done, I have one more day of sober life. So on your first AA anniversary, its just one more sober day like all the others. You 'll have all those 364 other days behind it!

Glad you're here.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

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PaigeB
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Re: Almost a year and feeling nervous

Post by PaigeB » Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:00 pm

Today is my e-aa Anniversary! Even though my sobriety is a little longer than that, I know that finding this opportunity to be a part of AA anyday anytime gave me a better chance at each 24 hours since then!

Catcar & Niagara it is fantastic to see you both with sober dates to close to your e-aa dates! You are a true testament to the fact that online AA is helping people! I hope that you will both consider doing a testimonial thread as we approach the International AA Conference. E-aa will be hosting the Cyber-Suite Friday July 3 & Saturday July 4th from 4-6pm. Both these Forums and the chat rooms will be very active during that time.

It would be so nice if you would both share your experience, strength & hope in an original thread (in Discussions is fine) so that we can refer our Cyber-Suite visitors to those as an introduction to the world of Online AA.

I will be in Atlanta Wednesday - Sunday morning. Looking forward to the Testimonial threads of anyone who cares to share in such a manner! What a miracle we all are!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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