AA request??

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Jessica
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AA request??

Post by Jessica » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:04 pm

I was at a meeting this morning and an oldtimer came up to me and said "I have an AA request to make of you..." Of course i knew what was coming and said "Oh no" jokingly. But someone made the comment. "You know you can't refuse an AA request." I didnt have any intention of saying No (and i didn't) but I did feel like I had been bullied a bit. My own character defects, I know but I felt uncomfortable and didnt really know how to handle it except laugh it off but now Im feeling resentful that that person couldnt have just asked me without adding a hammer.

Stepchild
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Re: AA request??

Post by Stepchild » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:25 pm

Hey Jessica....No need to get a resentment over it. I've had that thrown at me a few times....I like to hit them with this...."I'd be happy too...If...God willing I'm able to make it...I'll be there." Sometimes things come up where it's not possible...Not often...But life happens. I don't know where that saying came from....But it has been my experience when I've followed through with these requests the results have been good. I usually end up where I am supposed to be....Whether I like the way they asked or not.

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Tommy-S
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Re: AA request??

Post by Tommy-S » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:35 pm

Thanks Jessica,

Not every one in AA is well... Including me at times

I suffered from a crippling sensitivity, and that would fuel my resentment, which, experience shows, can lead me back to the bottle.

Our founders had a step for this, and since the incident seems to be still bothering you, you might find some help in Chapter 5 as I did.

Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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Brock
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Re: AA request??

Post by Brock » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:49 pm

I feel a bit silly not knowing what an AA request is, maybe the term is not used where I live, can someone enlighten me.
Thanks.
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"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Squawking Hawk
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Re: AA request??

Post by Squawking Hawk » Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:55 pm

I've been around AA for many years. The term "AA request" was not used in the area where I got sober nor is it used at the meetings where I currently live.

In my first home group (a three speaker meeting) my sponsor or another women might say, we are going on a commitment (speaking at another three-speaker meeting), do you want to come. Or I was asked to come early and help set up the meeting. Or some such. And if I knew that I had to work late then I'd bow out.

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Stepchild
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Re: AA request??

Post by Stepchild » Sat Sep 27, 2014 1:31 pm

Brock wrote:I feel a bit silly not knowing what an AA request is, maybe the term is not used where I live, can someone enlighten me.
Thanks.
Brock.
It can be anything someone asks you...Can you cover for me and chair the Tuesday night meeting? For myself...They ended up being speaking engagements...The first one I was 9 months sober...I wasn't too tickled I couldn't chicken out of it... Kind of like going to your first meeting...I was glad I got it over with. It was pretty cool actually. I went from less than a year before where I was literally scared to leave my house...Unless to get more alcohol. To speaking in front of 150 people. That ain't me doing it.

betterthanyesterday
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Re: AA request??

Post by betterthanyesterday » Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:04 pm

I haven't had that happen to me, although I have heard some folks say that kind of thing to others and I cringe a little. I ask folks "would you like to read?" when I hand out literature, or..."would you like to be the Guest Speaker for an upcoming meeting?" I would never approach someone and tell them "you are not supposed to say no when asked". I feel that it is not my place to inform them what I think their Higher Power wants or expects them to do as far as service work goes. A woman came close to harassing another woman when she heard her tell me she was too nervous to speak in front of a group. I just let that other woman finish talking, and calmly told the woman I asked that if and when she felt comfortable to do so, to please let me know.

Waheed123
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Re: AA request??

Post by Waheed123 » Fri Oct 31, 2014 1:24 pm

In my first home group (a three speaker meeting) my sponsor or another women might say, we are going on a commitment (speaking at another three-speaker meeting), do you want to come. Or I was asked to come early and help set up the meeting. Or some such. And if I knew that I had to work late then I'd bow out.

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PaigeB
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Re: AA request??

Post by PaigeB » Fri Oct 31, 2014 2:31 pm

Welcome Waheed! My home group supports one another on speaking engagements too. In fact I am speaking next Thursday and there is already a buzz to set out chairs because many who don't usually come will be there. Should be interesting... and I couldn't say no - my calendar is a perfect blank for that day & time LOL..... not anymore! :)
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Tosh
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Re: AA request??

Post by Tosh » Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:53 pm

Jessica wrote:but now Im feeling resentful that that person couldnt have just asked me without adding a hammer.
Sorry, Jessica, the 'hammer' is in your own head. All you had to do was say, "No!". But you didn't, so now you're blaming this other guy for your own weakness.

As someone who has felt being taken advantage of, I know the feeling well. :lol:

Nowadays I have no problems saying "No"; well mostly!
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Brock
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Re: AA request??

Post by Brock » Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:25 pm

I would also like to say welcome to Waheed, perhaps you could tell us a bit about yourself, so far all you have done is copied and pasted the second paragraph of Squawking Hawks post, which appears three positions above your own.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Squawking Hawk
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Re: AA request??

Post by Squawking Hawk » Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:30 pm

Thanks Brock. :-) I thought the post looked familiar :lol: :lol:

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Lali
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Re: AA request??

Post by Lali » Sat Nov 01, 2014 7:39 pm

I'm the speaker seeker for my home group. I simply ask people if they want to speak and if they say no, I go ask someone else. And everybody's happy!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Tosh
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Re: AA request??

Post by Tosh » Sun Nov 02, 2014 5:26 am

Lali wrote:I'm the speaker seeker for my home group. I simply ask people if they want to speak and if they say no, I go ask someone else. And everybody's happy!
There are the occasional A.A. members that share that they never refuse to do service or share when they're asked. I actually followed suit and did this for a period and I posted about the resultant resentment I ended up with here. I was pretty much doing all of the service at my homegroup (honestly; no exaggeration) and the coffee at another, plus ferrying drunks all over the place.

When I whined to my sponsor about what a lazy flippin' bunch of gimps my homegroup members were, he gave me some sound advice. He said that I'm not allowed to have resentments, that I should have ONE homegroup, and ONE service job and that I need to speak to my homegroup. I did. I like clear-cut advice.

The only time I refuse to share is if the distance is too great - because of financial reasons (my family do not need to suffer because of my A.A. commitments) - and that I know there's plenty of other A.A.s in the area.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Re: AA request??

Post by sammynorm » Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:08 pm

You can refuse any request AA related or not.
Having good boundaries is part of a good recovery.

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