tips for living in undesirable environment

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liz
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tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by liz »

hi.
i am new to recovery about a month, done steps 1 thru 11 and have not any real length of abstinence yet.
my issue is that I am living with a family member that is like a toxic black cloud of negativity, complaints and when irritable or frustrated(which is 50% of the time) quick to point out my faults & all the things I feel inadequate about come up. I should further explain I lost my job and due to income cannot live on my own at the moment so I am sharing accomodation with her. its this or a shelter. this is the only option for at least a few months.
Its not terrible all the time, I don't want to be dramatic, half the time its ok. but its not easy being peaceful here. I'm reading mindfulness book and any thing can just get me out of this zone.
I also feel trapped because I can't afford my car anymore so I have no transportation.
Anyways not to divert too much off track, I am a negative person with esteem and tons of fear issues so I don't have an internal well of light to draw from during these moments.
Does anyone have suggestions or relate to living in non ideal or even slightly toxic envirnoment while trying to recover?

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Squawking Hawk
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by Squawking Hawk »

Hello Liz, I am glad you are here and glad you are sharing. I was living alone when I got sober, so I have no direct experience, strength, and hope to offer you on an undesirable living situation. However, based on what I've been hearing at meeting for the several years I've been sober, I expect that there are those who have some direct identification with your situation. Be patient and I expect that you'll get some responses later. In the meantime, you've taken a huge step on your sober journey by sharing here.

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Lali
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by Lali »

Hi, Liz. I have quite a few friends in my home group who live in halfway houses. I have visited them there and it isn't as bad as one might think. Halfway houses here are used as stepping stones for women to go back out on their own. The house manager often helps the girls get jobs so that they can pay their rent and get back on their feet. The gals in these houses usually become lifelong friends and help one another out. The houses are not like homeless shelters at all. There is usually at least one p[erson in the house that has a car and license and they are responsible for getting the other gals to work, to church, to the grocery store, etc. You might want to look into something like this. At lease you would be in a safe, sober house and would have access to transportation. Just something to think about....
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hopeisabove13
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by hopeisabove13 »

Hi Liz. Thanks for sharing. While I don't have any direct personal experience to talk about, I do know I've seen a few nearly 24-hour AA clubs in some of the cities I've visited. You may look into something like that. I'm sure some of the people there show up for the first meeting at 5 in the morning and are back there for the final meeting at midnight. If there's one around you, searching for it certainly can't hurt.

liz
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by liz »

A halfway house wouldn't work for me, I don't have trouble with the law.

I have panic disorder and can barely take public transport so getting around to several meetings throughout the city to spend time likely won't happen.

Thank you so much all for the replies. I guess I have to suck it up.

Lali
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by Lali »

liz, the halfway houses I am talking about have nothing to do with having trouble with law. They aren't the ones you are thinking about that are for people having just gotten out of jail. They aren't those types of houses. They are strictly for women in recovery who have lost their homes and need somewhere to live until they can get back on their feet and get a place of their own. Better to live with a house full of women in recovery than the situation you are in now, I would think.
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liz
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by liz »

thanks lali I will have to look into it.
I'm in Ontario,Canada and doing a quick search the womens halfway house nearby deals with sentenced adults.
I will have to do some research.

If anyone has other tips please by all means I am listening.

I am looking into meditating or mindfulness, reading a book so I can be serene during chaotic outside noise. Does anyone know of good meditations on youtube or other spiritual practice for newbies who have a hard time with consistency and focus get distracted & lose interest ...maybe meditation/zen can be my new escape.

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ann2
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by ann2 »

Hi and welcome!

If I were you, I'd say that this living situation was a signal that I needed to push myself to get out more.

I've been agoraphobic and I understand how hard it is. But I do know that if you're motivated, it is possible to get outside the (dis)comfort zone that you want to stay in.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

liz
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by liz »

Hi.
yes I am working on the panic and it is making strides.
But hanging around all day out with public transportation is not something I want to do right now.
aside from that, the main issue is I lost my job, my car and dont have much extra money anyways.

I'm focusing on recovering though so at least I have something to put attention on.

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ann2
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by ann2 »

Liz, just glad you're here.

Hang out with us :D

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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ezdzit247
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by ezdzit247 »

But hanging around all day out with public transportation is not something I want to do right now.
aside from that, the main issue is I lost my job, my car and dont have much extra money anyways.
Hi Liz

I'm so glad you found this forum and made the decision to post your questions and seek suggestions on how to stay sober in your present environment and circumstances.

Regarding your description of your living situation with a relative being sometimes okay and sometimes not okay, there is something you can do that might be helpful to both of you. When you think the time is right, it goes like this: say the Serenity Prayer, take a deep breath, exhale, and then ask your housemate this question: "What do you need from me?" That's all. After you've said those words, stop talking, wait for her to begin talking, and listen, really listen, to what your housemate tells you without interrupting her or arguing. I think you will be surprised at how you taking the initiative to open up the lines of communication between the two of you will begin to change and improve the atmosphere for both of you.

And, if you don't want to hang around the house all day or use public transportation, when, and only when YOU think you are ready to try another option, know that you can call your local AA hotline or local Alano club and let whoever answers the call know that you want to go to an AA meeting and you need a ride. AA members stay sober by helping newcomers, including providing transportation to and from meetings, and by using this option you will be helping another alcoholic as well as yourself stay sober.....one day a time.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

liz
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by liz »

Thank you so much for the tip and info about rides to meeting. And thanks everyone for the warm welcome.
I have been generally just stayed quiet when on one of her tangents, but I will try your technique.

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ezdzit247
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Re: tips for living in undesirable environment

Post by ezdzit247 »

liz wrote:Thank you so much for the tip and info about rides to meeting. And thanks everyone for the warm welcome.
I have been generally just stayed quiet when on one of her tangents, but I will try your technique.
Your welcome, Liz. I'm just passing on a tip passed on to me by another AA member. It's always worked pretty well for me. If it works for you, feel free to pass it on.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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