1st relapse

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aaron32
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1st relapse

Post by aaron32 »

Hi everyone.

I haven't posted here in about 4 weeks. I didn't feel like I could, or maybe I felt like I didn't belong for awhile after my first "official" relapse 3 weeks ago. Anyway, I'm back and I just wanted to give an update on my progress, and, I guess re-introduce myself.

My name is Aaron, I'm 32 years old, I live in mid western Canada, I have a promising future in website development, and oh yeah, I am a binge drinking alcoholic. I discovered this site some time in early July and I was impressed with the knowledge and general willingness to help fellow addicts that people were offering. I thought I was on the right path. I was 2 weeks sober, feeling good, and then it happened - The inevitable 1st relapse.

A functional alcoholic friend came over and wanted to drink. I really didn't, but I thought I could handle it. So I gave in. It started off normal, drinking and shooting the s*t. After about 10 beers each, when the time came that my friend had to leave because he had to work in the morning, my conscience faded, as it normally does, and I drove to the nearest liquor store.

When I arrived, three younger people (1 guy and 2 girls) came up to me and were soliciting me to buy them alcohol. Which I agreed. But it turned out that they had no money. Anyway, I bought a Micky 13oz of Vodka and proceeded to talk and drink with these people in the parking lot. I don't remember the exact specifics but within about 5 minutes a fight broke out. And when I say a "fight", what I really mean is that I pushed the guy and they all jumped me. Now, I like to think that I got a few good shots in there on the guy, but in reality I most likely resembled a wet noodle throwing my sad punches. I'm not much of a fighter.

I got taken down pretty hard, punched and kicked and clawed on. The girls ripped my shirt right off of me and I have deep nail marks all down my arms and chest. The guy punched me in the jaw hard enough to knock one of my molar fillings out.

The cops came pretty quick, thank god, because I probably would have gotten stomped. I wasn't in the greatest area of my city. The cops couldn't prove that I was driving so I dodged a DUI. The ppl that I was fighting with didn't mention that I started the fight, most likely because they didn't know if I would say that they were soliciting. Which I didn't.

Needless to say I had a nice cold sleep in the drunk tank that night and woke up to physical pain, a terrible hangover and badly bruised self esteem and confidence. It's amazing how quick the suicidal thoughts come in as well, even though I ended up with no charges and no-one would ever know. This may seem like a very small incident to some, but to me, it was huge.

I've been dodging bullets long enough. Even cheating death not once but twice when I was 16 and then again in my twenties. Both because of binge drinking.

This coming Monday will be exactly 3 weeks of sobriety and I'm planning on attending my first AA meeting the same week.

I'm back and intend to stay for a very long time. Thanks to anyone that took the time to read this and let me vent a little bit.

Peace and Love.
Last edited by aaron32 on Fri Aug 31, 2012 6:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Tommy-S
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tommy-S »

Hi, Aaron.

We don't shoot our wounded. I am not a First-time winner in AA, either...but thankfully, I wasn't a quitter either.

It was 'the High Cost of Low Living' that drove me to AA, and today I got a good life.

Get to that meeting and make your recent PHD (Piled Higher & Deeper) you last reMatch with John Barleycorn... He's an undefeated heavyweight champion.

Thanks for the share :)... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

aaron32
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by aaron32 »

LOL. Thank you sir. Will do.

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Tosh
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tosh »

Hi Aaron, welcome back. And not that I encourage it, but I think we do learn from a drink in early 'recovery'. You've certainly learnt about the 'phenomenon of craving'; that urge to drink more once we start; hence we have a program which involves abstinence.

I hope you enjoy your first A.A. meeting. Most people at their first meeting tend to turn up 30 seconds before the start, choose a chair close to the door, and try to run pretty much straight after. We all remember those first meeting feelings. So why not confuse them; turn up 30 minutes early and ask if you can help set the room up? :D

I enjoyed reading your post too, sorry, but I related to all of it. I'm missing two front teeth from two separate drunken brawls. :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Tommy-S
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tommy-S »

@ Tosh... One of the First AA's to take an interest in helping me had only about 3 teeth left in his whole head from all the waterfront bar fights... He'd laugh about being a Halloween Pumpkin & explained it as a tendency to hit other people in the fist with his mouth :)

Keep hanging in there, Aaron...and I got no "Sir"...Alcohol levels the playing field as it is no respecter of persons, and we keep it that way in AA... From Yale to Jail, we need each other & all just One Drink away from dying... We're even. Together we get better :)

Thanks
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

aaron32
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by aaron32 »

I'm lucky I still have my teeth after that last encounter and I'm not a fighter in the least. Alcohol just bends me to its' will.

But no more, I say. No more...

Btw Tommy I meant no harm in saying "Sir". I just enjoyed your reply.

Also Tosh, that's a great idea about reaching out in my first meeting rather than cowering. I may try that.

Thanks guys.

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Tommy-S
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tommy-S »

Awww, buddy, I didn't think you meant anything ...No offense taken. :)

(Probably just some residual military on my part... When the young boots used to call us 'sir', the standard response was...well, unprintable here...LOL)

You & I got the same sobriety...today. And it works great. Keep doing what you're doing, & thanks for sharing it with us :)
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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ann2
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by ann2 »

Welcome back, Aaron, and thank you so much for your share (and thanks for the responses) -- takes me back to the AA group I got sober in. Very real.

hugs,

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Hanna
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Hanna »

Welcome back and thank you for the reminder of where I will end up if I go back out. And yes, I have no doubt I will end up battered, bruised, remorseful, alone and full of anxiety again. Life is so much better here.
"There but for the grace of God go I"
Hanna
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

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Tosh
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tosh »

aaron32 wrote:I'm lucky I still have my teeth after that last encounter and I'm not a fighter in the least.
Listen, if you had lost them, I'd've lent you mine - I just had them made a few months ago - until you got your own fixed.

Image

I'm kind like that, see? :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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avaneesh912
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by avaneesh912 »

The inevitable 1st relapse.
Knowledge, fear of this disease will not keep us sober. We need to transcend these by working the 12 steps of AA and that is what will help us lead a fit spiritual life. That will deliver us from this bondage to all the problems, including alcohol.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

aaron32
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by aaron32 »

Thanks for all the welcome back love everyone. It really does a body good :)

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PaigeB
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by PaigeB »

Peace and Love.
Back at cha aaron! I know that it was peace & love that I had been missing all along! I trust that you will find it in the Fellowship. Get a sponsor quick - that's what I did and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since. Of course it was a lot more action in the program too, but for me, a sponsor was indispensable.

Peace and Love.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Texan
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Texan »

I'm glad you came away from the lopsided fight as well as you did! It could have been much worse, for sure!

Welcome back, and keep coming back. Posts like yours are helpful yo others that might be considering a trip to the dark side.

Be well!

PS to Tosh: remind me to snap a shot of my falsies and post.
Keep on Keeping on, One Day at a Time.

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Tosh
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Re: 1st relapse

Post by Tosh »

Texan wrote: PS to Tosh: remind me to snap a shot of my falsies and post.
Maybe instead of the 'Post pictures of your pets' in the 'We're not a glum lot section', we ought to start a 'Show us yer false teeth' post? :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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