Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

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Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:14 pm

Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

My dad was an angry alcoholic. He never hit us. He was an athlete who had a respect for the body, but he was an angry man. He died of a stroke when he was 35 (36?). The alcohol did not kill him directly, alcohol was the medicine he used to cover his anger.

I am an alcoholic, and my list of character flaws includes probably every one of them except anger. (Maybe it was all those years of vowing 'I'll never be like him!')

I've got 18 mos. sober and I have a chance to do the things he never had a chance to do. I can work on my flaws.

- Imagine a person who goes through life afraid of things he should not be afraid of. Afraid to change the things he should.
<SNIP>
(a list of other defects edited out for brevity.)

Such person, would go through life unhappy, perhaps walking on egg shells or plagued with self doubt when he should be firm. He probably wouldn't be successful in business, in family or in friendships. My drinking covered up all that the way my father's drinking covered up his anger and remorse.

Now that I am sober, the battle is only half over, because if I continue to go through life with those (whole list of,) flaws I will be miserable and unsuccessful even though I am sober.

God had given me a chance to be who He wanted me to be. I will not throw His gift away.

It doesn't get easier.
We just get stronger.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby Brock » Sun Mar 11, 2018 6:39 pm

1Peter5:10 wrote:I am an alcoholic, and my list of character flaws includes probably every one of them except anger. (Maybe it was all those years of vowing 'I'll never be like him!')

I don’t know much about how genetics work, but I imagine maybe your Mother was not an angry person, maybe you got that good gene from her. At any rate thanks for an interesting account of your Dad’s struggle, and your own journey so far.

Thanks also for the comments in other threads, the various references to fate and karma in the thread titled ‘Non Spiritual Basis,’ being interested in various spiritual approaches I enjoyed reading that, also in the thread on amends, the idea of change being the important aspect is most interesting.

These forums can get quite slow sometimes, as far as alcoholics posting is concerned, but the readership is usually quite consistent, thanks for being an active poster and sharing interesting insights.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 7:45 pm

Thank you Brock, and yes my mother was indeed a good person.

My new work schedule makes it difficult to attend meetings. I'm down to 2 a week, which is acceptable for niw, so long as it us truly temporary and so long as I stay in my recovery, here and by texting etc. my sobriety network.

Ya know. I've been to hundreds of meetings in my ~18 mos of sobriety and visited this forum dozens and dozens of times. I've never had to do much beyond show up.

Someone has always laid the groundwork work for me. For them I am grateful. Thank you.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby positrac » Mon Mar 12, 2018 2:34 am

I came from a group of crazy Irish/Comanche drunks and so the whole gene pool has been touched with the alcohol and addiction. I try not to be like my father and the more I work not to be like him the more I find I am very much my fathers son... he has been gone a long time and so I can reflect more now as he comes to might a fair bit.

Just because I am sober doesn't mean my character defects go away and in some cases they grow if I am not working on them and or at least mindful of them. Day by day is all I know and I am grateful I've been sober as life might not have been so good to me.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby D'oh » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:58 pm

Hi Peter.

Awesome 18 months. As an Alcoholic Father, of a Son that shows many signs of this disease, Including More Anger than (I believe) I showed. All I can say is, the same illness effects people different ways.

Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.
page 61

I just hope that
The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one’s family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone.
page 83. might be passed on to my siblings. If nothing else.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Mon Mar 12, 2018 10:08 pm

Thank you for your great replies.

Going through life afraid of things I should not be afraid of,
with an ego big enough it is easily bruised,
in denial about things I should face up to . . . etc..

That's a crappy miserable way to live. No wonder I drank. God fixed the obsession part. He gave me an opportunity to work on the rest.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 3:52 am

Awakening is painful, because we see the tragedy and see our behavior with a different insight and sometimes we get tricked into guilt remorse. We need to realize that then we were asleep. Thats where compassion comes in for ourselves. We realize that the mind is a our own critic. We transcend the mind. Meditation and prayer helps. Working with others helps. We see others have awakenings similar to ours, we draw inspiration out of it. We trudge at times. There is that great reality deep down within the book talks about, it will guide us through.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 7:20 am

Awakening can be painful.

But taking a stone out of your shoe makes the rest if the journey much more pleasurable.
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Re: Alcoholic Son of an Alcoholic

Postby D'oh » Wed Mar 14, 2018 9:07 am

Unless the Stone is needed at some point along the Journey.
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