Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

For recovery discussion

Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Nellie » Thu Apr 20, 2017 2:51 am

Hi friends. I'm coming up to a year sober and I have a wedding to attend at the weekend. I've been in bars and to places where alcohol is being served or drunk since I got sober, for legitimate reasons and with varying degrees of difficulty, but this will be the first time I've been to an event with an open bar.
Does anyone have any tips on how to get through the day? I'm honestly not sure exactly what I'm afraid of, I just know that I've never been to an event like this sober and I've no idea how to get through it without a drink, let alone have fun.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly".
User avatar
Nellie
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 12:05 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby positrac » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:20 am

I assume you are a guest? will you be solo/date/married? If the other person drinks can you handle being sober in that element? I guess you can mask drinks to look like you are normal if that is a concern? Eat well and mentally have an exit strategy. To Thy Own Self be True and so keep this in mind and have a good time.

I was best man in my early sobriety and I was a selfish wreck and so the toast I used 7 up as it looked like champagne.

be well and let us know how it all worked out.
A light heart lives long.
-Irish Proverb
User avatar
positrac
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 903
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 4:00 am

I am not sure where you are in working the 12 steps of AA. If you have "commenced this way of living" like the 10 step working proposes, then you ought to experience the 10th step promises:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

if you feel, you have not reached that state, perhaps, skipping the wedding will be the right course.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4273
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Apr 20, 2017 5:21 am

1. have phone numbers in your phone so you can call someone during the event.
2. Take your own transportation.
3. go late or leave early
4. pray
5. laugh
...a score card reading zero...
User avatar
Spirit Flower
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1329
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:49 am
Location: Texas

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby tomsteve » Thu Apr 20, 2017 6:30 am

3 criteria for me to attend an event where theres alcohol involved:
1- right motive for being there
2- fit spiritual condition
3- an escape route

might want to read pgs 100-102 in the bb. good stuff there.
tomsteve
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:25 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby D'oh » Thu Apr 20, 2017 9:34 am

Tips?

Have Fun.

Take a phone and transportation.

Oh and Have Fun
D'oh
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:51 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Noels » Thu Apr 20, 2017 9:54 am

Hi Nellie, congratulations on your sobriety :D

I remember when I was around 3 or 4 months sober I HAD to attend the 80th birthday party of one of our VIP clients. Up to that point I avoided people, places and anything that could resemble or remind me of alcohol worse than the plague :D So it was with great fear that I saw the party date come closer and closer. Even on the car in the way there I made my husband promise that he would not leave me alone for one second and I silently prayed that we would be seated at a table where there would be zero alcohol. Jeah .... what a dream :lol:

As it so happened we got the table occupied by either heavy drinkers or unrecovered alcoholics. Golly they were throwing those drinks down their throats faster than I could count from 1 to 10, the glasses hardly touched the table and tackled the next one. As the evening progressed the drinks were "lined up" - ready for consumption. As it happens I'm also a smoker and it was a non-smoking venue and where we could smoke outside were some cocktails - on both sides of the path - beautiful colors with decorations, the works.

I ordered a tall passion fruit and lemonade immediately when we arrived, drank it fast to get the sugar for possible cravings, husband went outside with me about twice when I needed to smoke and after that I was A4 away. The drinking didn't bother me at all. I didn't even notice the cocktails outside when I went outside on my own for a smoke. The music was good so we enjoyed the dancing - sober - Yes, believe it, the table was funnier as the night proceeded and I actually enjoyed the people and the party :D

One of the gents at the table offered me a drink during the evening and for some reason the words that bubbled out was "No thanks. I'm allergic to alcohol ... when I drink I get drunk". He looked at me for a minute or so but didn't press the issue so either he knew exactly what I was talking about or was simply too polite to enquire further.

Around 11.30 was slightly awkward as the hosts son feeling very happy pushed some shooter into my hand. That caught me off guard but I passed that shooter to husband faster than lightning. It couldn't have been in my hands for longer than 2 seconds. :lol:

So thinking back to that event I'm positive that since you are sincere in having made your decision not to drink, your subconscious or Higher Power will automatically take over to ensure there wont be any cravings or accidents. Apart from that, as long as the drinkers at the wedding behave, drinkers - same as smokers are usually great fun so just go with an open heart, enjoy the people, the music and believe you will be okay.

So don't worry anymore, put on those heels and go boogey gal!

Lotsa Love, mwah xxx
Noels
There is only Love
Noels
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1063
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 6:14 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Brock » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:18 am

I just know that I've never been to an event like this sober and I've no idea how to get through it without a drink, let alone have fun.

I am not writing to be disagreeable or argumentative, but I have seen people wrongfully question their own sobriety, when they don't have a good time at these sort of events.

I agree with what has been said regarding getting through occasions like this without drinking, events like these I usually try to avoid, and have turned down a few invitations, except where it's family or something similar, when I feel I have a duty to attend, not because of the fear of drinking but the having fun part. So for me it's best to think maybe I won't have a good time but I will go along, that way if it's not very enjoyable you won't think there is something wrong with your sobriety.

Follow the advise and you should be safe from drinking, if you have a good time it's an added bonus, don't beat yourself up if you don't, anyway we look at it it's a learning experience, and best of luck.
The seed has been planted in his mind. He knows that thousands of men, much like himself, have recovered. B.B. P.113
User avatar
Brock
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2579
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Mike O » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:19 am

Hi Nellie,

Enjoy the wedding :D

Where are you at in the 12 steps?
Mike O
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 3257
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:55 am
Location: UK

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Chelle » Thu Apr 20, 2017 11:19 am

Hi Nellie. My ears perked up when I saw your post. I am going to a wedding in May that will be serving alcohol too, and most of the attendees are drinkers. I have been asking myself a few questions.. Do I have good reason to be there? Yes. I am maid of honor for my best friend. Do I have an exit plan if I get uncomfortable. Yes, my own car. She also knows how important my sobriety is, and encouraged me to split if I get too uncomfortable after the wedding. Receptions have proved to be tough for me.

I'm going with the attitude of "how can I be helpful"? I've worked the steps, and am fully armed with the facts about myself. If I drink at her wedding, I will ruin her day. As soon as any fears come up about it, I turn it over and trust it in God's hands to keep me safe and protected.

Have fun and please share your experience strength and hope after the shin Dig! Lots of summer weddings coming up. You never know who it could help =biggrin
User avatar
Chelle
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:12 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby PaigeB » Thu Apr 20, 2017 11:29 am

by Brock
I just know that I've never been to an event like this sober and I've no idea how to get through it without a drink, let alone have fun.


I am not writing to be disagreeable or argumentative, but I have seen people wrongfully question their own sobriety, when they don't have a good time at these sort of events.

Yeah - I agree. Don't worry about having fun, worrying is not fun. But seriously, you seem to be going to be of service to your best friend and sometimes service is not so fun. Try to forget all expectations, good or bad, and go to be of service.

If that fails, try to think of me... your 50 year old grandma... doing the Shimmy while dancing on the pretty tables! If that doesn't fix it for you - it fixes it for ME! :lol:
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 9826
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby D'oh » Thu Apr 20, 2017 7:51 pm

I sobered up in January. When the fog lifted a little, I had a dreadful thought. I had to stand up at my Brother's Wedding in August.

I asked my Sponsor many times "How?" with no suitable answers. I even went to a good friends Wedding in July as a trial run. I was at home watching TV by 8:30!

The Wedding came, I asked for help that morning, and before I knew it, I was helping my Brother get (it) up at Midnight as they left. (It) being the Limo's window.

Go, have Fun, you will be fine. Thy Will be done.
D'oh
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 595
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:51 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Nellie » Thu Apr 20, 2017 11:00 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies.

To answer a few general questions:
My girlfriend's step-sister is the bride so my girlfriend will be my date. She won't be drinking either, although she's told me she will find it hard so I do feel guilty about that too. We'll be sitting at the main table with the family, most of whom enjoy a few drinks (and then a few more) so I don't have that faint hope of a sober table, but at least I'm prepared for the worst :D

I'm definitely not in a fit spiritual condition, I've been going through something of a dry drunk phase which I'm working really hard to combat. I've done my steps once already but I believe I got complacent afterwards and didn't bother as much with the maintenance steps as I should have.

Noels, what a great and inspirational story, thank you for sharing, that gives me hope. No heels though, I'm waiting for an MRI on my dodgy knee lol.

Brock - I don't find that comment disagreeable at all, in fact it was very helpful, thank you.

Chelle, thank you. I like the idea of going with a helpful attitude. I will most definitely be back to share my ESH with you all, hopefully I can use the experience to help others who are struggling.

PaigeB, I'm laughing so hard at that - but you're not old enough to be my grandma :)

D'oh, I wondered where you were going with that for a moment there lol.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly".
User avatar
Nellie
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 12:05 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby positrac » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:35 am

Nellie wrote:Thanks so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies.

To answer a few general questions:
My girlfriend's step-sister is the bride so my girlfriend will be my date. She won't be drinking either, although she's told me she will find it hard so I do feel guilty about that too. We'll be sitting at the main table with the family, most of whom enjoy a few drinks (and then a few more) so I don't have that faint hope of a sober table, but at least I'm prepared for the worst :D

I'm definitely not in a fit spiritual condition, I've been going through something of a dry drunk phase which I'm working really hard to combat. I've done my steps once already but I believe I got complacent afterwards and didn't bother as much with the maintenance steps as I should have.

Noels, what a great and inspirational story, thank you for sharing, that gives me hope. No heels though, I'm waiting for an MRI on my dodgy knee lol.

Brock - I don't find that comment disagreeable at all, in fact it was very helpful, thank you.

Chelle, thank you. I like the idea of going with a helpful attitude. I will most definitely be back to share my ESH with you all, hopefully I can use the experience to help others who are struggling.

PaigeB, I'm laughing so hard at that - but you're not old enough to be my grandma :)

D'oh, I wondered where you were going with that for a moment there lol.


Food for thought never hurts and this is a good dry run for the future as we will be challenged with the real world in our sober journey. Have fun and have a great day.
A light heart lives long.
-Irish Proverb
User avatar
positrac
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 903
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Going to a Wedding - Any Tips?

Postby Nellie » Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:30 am

That's very true positrac. Thank you, I will be back to let you know how it goes :)
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly".
User avatar
Nellie
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 12:05 pm
Location: Canada

Next

Return to Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests