I am taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour and day by day or hour by hour I am finding back to life.
Today it has been a month.
An entire month of no alcohol, no substance abuse, no lies. I haven’t lied in a month, I did not have to hide anything for a month. I did not need to be scared of ‚the day after‘ and not once did I wake up in the middle of the night convinced that something terrible was gonna happen, that I was gonna die.
I still fear, but it is not that type of fear anymore. It is fear about my future, a future I did not know I had.
I had my fair share of ups and downs and there is plenty of work to be done but it seems a lot less scary than when I first admitted to being powerless over alcohol. Because I can finally allow myself to not be in control.
It is an overwhelming gift to allow myself to not be in charge, and that overwhelming sense of hope is what brightens up my darkest hours.
One of my first posts on this site went something like this: ‚I really want to go to a face to face meeting but I just can’t.‘
That day I learned that in fact, my thoughts are just that, thoughts. That lesson was one of the most important lessons I have learned so far – Thank you Tosh, for finding the words I needed to read!
I am grateful for every single one of you, for every reply and every new topic that is written on this site!
Thank you very much!