12/13/08 BB The fam. aft. pp 134-135 (Easy does it)

The book Alcoholics Anonymous, aka The Big Book, is the basic text for the AA program of sobriety. "Alcoholics Anonymous" Copyright 2012 AAWS, Inc. All Rights, Reserved. Short excerpts used by permission of AAWS

12/13/08 BB The fam. aft. pp 134-135 (Easy does it)

Postby Karl R » Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:08 am

Good Day,

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

These two short sayings from the family afterwards entail worlds of meaning for me. i'm still not sure if I've internalized their complete meaning but as always "progress not perfection"

Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. and

First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It

thanks to all who come to read and share.

Anyone care to share of their ES and H concerning the chapter "The family Afterwards" or any other topic?
have a safe day everyone,
Karl


A word about sex relations. Alcohol is so sexually stimulating to some men that they have over-indulged. Couples are occasionally dismayed to find that when drinking is stopped the man tends to be impotent. Unless the reason is understood, there may be an emotional upset. Some of us had this experience, only to enjoy, in a few months, a finer intimacy than ever. There should be no hesitancy in consulting a doctor or psychologist if the condition persists. We do not know of many cases where this difficulty lasted long.
The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. Their young minds were impressionable while he was drinking. Without saying so, they may cordially hate him for what he has done to them and to their mother. The children are sometimes dominated by a pathetic hardness and cynicism. They cannot seem to forgive and forget. This may hang on for months, long after their mother has accepted dad's new way of living and thinking.
In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it. When this happens, they can be invited to join in morning meditation and then they can take part in the daily discussion without rancor or bias. From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. The others must be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of a doubt. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.
Here is a case in point: One of our friends is a heavy smoker and coffee drinker. There was no doubt he over-indulged. Seeing this, and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop. His wife is one of those persons who really feels there is something rather sinful about these commodities, so she nagged, and her intolerance finally threw him into a fit of anger. He got drunk.
Of course our friend was wrong - dead wrong. He had to painfully admit that and mend his spiritual fences. Though he is now a most effective member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he still smokes and drinks coffee, but neither his wife nor anyone else stands in judgment. She sees she was wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured.
We have three little mottoes which are apropos. Here they are:

First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It.
User avatar
Karl R
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3835
Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:06 pm

Postby ann2 » Sun Dec 14, 2008 2:33 pm

Thanks, Karl!

I really like this chapter, and these paragraphs for me make a lot of sense. I don't have much to say about it right now, though, except maybe that there's a lot of forgiveness and patience suggested, with concrete ways to exercise those qualities. We all need good tips in that department for sure.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
User avatar
ann2
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 8687
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 2:01 am
Location: Somewhere in Sweden

Re: 12/13/08 BB The fam. aft. pp 134-135 (Easy does it)

Postby leejosepho » Fri Oct 23, 2015 12:51 am

One of our friends is a heavy smoker and coffee drinker. There was no doubt he over-indulged.

Along with drinking, of course, those were big issues in the religious community of my childhood, and I had once taken great pride in having never done any of them. But then when I later began trying to swear off forever on the booze, I once even smashed my favorite ashtray in the fireplace along with the bottle. At the time, however, I was still looking at each as an issue of morality and had yet to realize at least my drinking was coming from somewhere or something else altogether.

The group where I first got started in A.A. never had any formal Big Book study meetings, but I did once attend a different meeting in the same building and this is the part being studied that night. I do not recall anyone's experience that might have been shared, but it was a great relief to me to know A.A. would not be hounding me about smoking even though no smoking was allowed in that small upper room.

...wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured.

I have occasionally wondered whether Bill might have been adding a pun there. Maybe religious people had gone a bit far when saying we smokers would burn in hell forever? But as time went on, I did ultimately feel quite guilty over the fact that my having filled the house with smoke for many years even while sober had definitely caused harm to my wife. She has asthma.

"First Things First" << Seek first the Kingdom rather than trying to be the King
"Live and Let Live" << My will and life are in God's hands and others can decide for themselves just like I did
"Easy Does It" << Just be sure to do it. After all, we must do it to get through it to get to it. (Big Tony)
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================
User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1951
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock


Return to Big Book Study

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest