I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

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RebelPlumber
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I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by RebelPlumber »

My doctor says he can only diagnose me. Apparently it’s up to me to save myself. Wonder if it’s worth it anymore considering how I’ve already hurt my wife and son (not physically. But the vodka has our debt ruined and our home in jeopardy.) I think a lot about just eating a bullet to save them more pain than if I tried to carry on. As a man who never ever thought suicide was an option and now think about it, I’m guessing I’m pushing my personal limits.... And sadly yes, I’m drunk as I write this. I fear there is no saving me anymore.

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positrac
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Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by positrac »

Answers to all of your post is strictly up to you! None of us can dictate our position because if you refuse to listen then we can't be blamed for any failures or relapses on your account. I might suggest you looking into a full length mirror and really examining what you see looking back at you. I believe if you are willing to really no BS work then you have the answers right in front of you.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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PaigeB
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Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by PaigeB »

AA offers Hope.

REAL Hope - not some flimsy and transient pill... not some high falutin' doctor dribble... and NO religious sanctimony. No cost and no expectations. It works IF you work it. Get busy living.

Get busy... You will have to work for it. You get back in the same measure that you put in. BUT it has been a REAL Solution to the problem of drink for me - and for my family. It took some time away from home - I went to a meeting or 2 everyday ~ But is was STILL better than being drunk. I was able to give back to my family very soon and got some projects done around the house using that extra time & energy I had. I hadn't realized just how much time it took to drink, recover from drink, plan my next drink and drink again... I was originally at a loss as to what to DO. But AA and a sponsor and the Steps and the meetings and the people at the meetings were all great resources for me when it came to what to do. I was a 24/7 drinker and I needed the experience strength and HOPE to recover.

Get the Big Book. Get sponsor. Get to a MEETING - that is where the HOPE started for me. It was hard to walk in - my head was arguing with my feet - but my feet won out. I went early and stayed late. My family wondered about it all, and I was really at a loss to explain how it worked - but they soon saw I had been days, then weeks, without a drink and they too were grateful for the miracle of AA.

We never graduate from this program of Action. We will never drink safely again. For me it was AA or die and I wanted to LIVE! I am a free & productive citizen in my community and a family member to be relied upon. It is more than I ever thought I wanted... You can have it too.

Meetings, the Big Book, and local contact information can be found here https://www.aa.org/
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources Follow this down to your local office! Walk in! CALL!
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/read-the ... traditions READ IT!
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/communic ... -york-city CALL!
Get a sponsor: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-lite ... ponsorship READ WHY

I hope you find what I have found. A light in the dark. A flimsy reed in the storm. HOPE.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Surrender
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Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by Surrender »

Hi Ryan
Be Strong Pal.
Understanding, Alcohol is a depressant, don't do any thing silly mate.
It Will only leave your loved one's with life long full of Pain,
And think of your Kid's, you love them right?
You wouldn't want them growing up, upset, and angry, because there Daddy took his life,
may lead them to the Bottle themselves, and you know the ramifications of drinking right?
Be Courageous, toss the evil bottle away, you life will improve.
The Fog will lift, and and the Sun will start to shine upon your life.
Many before you have salvaged there life, from hopelessness of Alcoholism.
And have Salvaged there Material posessions, its ok, get well and life will Balance.
Also i have found with my Disease, when i started to help my self by getting sober, others showed up,
Like the real estate agent gave me some slack, and let me pay off a $1800 accumalated rent bill,
The Power Company also, turned my Power back on, folk were picking me up from meetings, a lawyer in a meeting assisted me.
Life will improve, keep away from Ethanol mate, it should only be digested by your Vehicle.
One of the Promises of AA is : We Will Intuitively Know How to Handle Situations That Used to Baffle Us.

Surrender.

ringofkerry
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Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by ringofkerry »

Be strong brother! Pray to your higher power, and seriously its one day or hour or minute at a time. In the beginning it seems insurmountable , it's not. It can be done. I certainly don't know you, but at my first meeting a gentleman came up to me and said "your suffering ends today, if you want it to". I wanted it to and did what had to be done. ONE DAY AT A TIME is no bullshit. I'll say a prayer for you.

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PaigeB
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Location: Iowa USA

Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by PaigeB »

ringofkerry wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 4:49 pm
Be strong brother! Pray to your higher power, and seriously its one day or hour or minute at a time. In the beginning it seems insurmountable , it's not. It can be done. I certainly don't know you, but at my first meeting a gentleman came up to me and said "your suffering ends today, if you want it to". I wanted it to and did what had to be done. ONE DAY AT A TIME is no bullshit. I'll say a prayer for you.
Hey Ringofkerry! Just saw your post - a week late, but it sounds like you have a good thing! Glad to see you offering it to others!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

jaznut
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Location: NorCal

Re: I’m Ryan. I’m destroying myself and my family.

Post by jaznut »

Hey Ryan, I can totally relate. Some of the other replies offer good support, but I would encourage you to seek out a detox facility or hospital. My withdrawals have been debilitating and on the verge of seizures. They can give you medications that help minimize your symtoms. I've been on 4 different meds that really work. You should likely divulge your suicidal mindset, but that's up to you. I have 3 kids and I need to be here for them when they need a Dad. I am trying to do the opposite of what I think, i.e. Go to a meeting when I don't feel like it, take a different route home to avoid the liquor store, ask for help when I am so demoralized that I can't bear to see another person. Make the calls and find some medical assistance - even if it's the local free clinic.

You have a right to be here. Your family can heal. Things will get better IF you surrender and accept that you need help. Summon you strength, swallow your pride, and just follow the steps. Read the Big Book. Find a local meeting and just go. It certainly has the info you need, and stories that are familiar and inspirational.

~jaznut

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