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Hello there

Post by LucidDenial »

Hello, my name is Reina and I'm an alcoholic.

This is entirely new to me as I have never referred to myself as one, in serious terms, to other people. I consider myself a "functioning" alcoholic. I am married, have a career and don't believe I've truly hit my rock bottom....yet. However, I do recognize that addiction comes in many different shapes and just because I may not necessarily "fit the image" (by societies standards) does not mean that I do not have a problem. I am currently on a steady pattern of drinking every day, before work and right after until its time for bed. I drink out of boredom, anger, anxiety, frustration.....basically any emotion that gives me an excuse to. I would love to be able to stop, however I cannot even begin to imagine myself living a life where me drinking isn't a "thing". I understand that it will not be easy, nor a cut and dry process, nor a simple switch.

I attended my first meeting today and it was a positive experience. Everyone was incredibly warm and welcoming and I received a lot of phone numbers and invitations to other meetings. I wanted to share, but the opportunity did not present itself but that's okay. I am more relieved that I got over the fear of attending and of possibly running into someone I know there. Currently my alcoholism is something extremely personal and private, and I have been able to play it off for the most part (I think) so the risk of being or feeling "exposed" kept me from going for quite some time. I do look forward to attending others.

Anyway, thank you for listening and allowing me the opportunity to share.

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Re: Hello there

Post by Jojo2 »

Welcome to e-AA, Reina,

Glad you found us. Your share has reminded me so much of how it was for me.
Basically, we drank if it was a day that ended in 'y'.
I had not contemplated a life without alcohol, but, one day at a time, I now have a much better life and wonder how I found time to drink. It wasn't just the drinking, of course. It was all the different masks required to protect my career and be a 'functioning' alcoholic, whatever that is. I was only fooling myself.
D.E.N.I.A.L = Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

Here at eAA, we have mailing lists and these discussion forums where you will find much support and hear from other members how it worked for us.

There is an e-AA discussion Forum dedicated to Newcomers

Our Email Recovery Meeting has daily and weekly readings from AA approved literature, with a range
of recovery topics. You can subscribe here:

http://e-aameetings.org/mailman/listinf ... etings.org

Here is a link for the online version of our Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:


e-AA also provides a temporary sponsor facility. This was designed to be an email arrangement although some use Skype or telephone by personal arrangement.
The arrangement has proved invaluable for many who are unable to access face to face AA.
To request a temporary sponsor to get you started with the AA programme,
please complete the form here and you will be set up within 48 hrs.


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Re: Hello there

Post by avaneesh912 »

a life where me drinking isn't a "thing". I understand that it will not be easy, nor a cut and dry process, nor a simple switch.
The basic text talks about detoxification so that the mind gets cleared of the effect of alcohol. If you have insurance or if local government facilities offer Detoxification you may want to consider that.

But then starts the real work. We need to come to a realization that we are powerless. That our mind will always trick us back into abyss if we dont handle the un-manageability that life throws at us. Thats where the 12 steps of AA come in.We can lead a pretty decent life without the need for alcohol.

I too never imagined that there will be a life without alcohol. We realize, make a commitment and follow few simple rules. Wish you good luck. Jojo has a link to online version of our basic text, start reading it, see if you can relate to those experience. Bills Story, More About Alcoholism, those are there to drive home how the mind of the alcoholic operates. Before and after we put a plug in the jug. It tricks us back into drink, if we dont get on the spiritual plane.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Hello there

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Reina.

It does seem at first that living without drink is unimaginable, because it becomes so much part of our lives. I remember a happy childhood with few worries, apart from the usual kid stuff trying to fit in, we had our chores and school but few real worries, because parents covered the big things, drinking was not something attractive then, except for the odd fooling around with it for a laugh. Then we grew up which we were longing for, but all the emotions and pressures of anxiety and frustration made escape by drink a good option, until we lost control and it became a bad option.

Some say we don’t analyze how the AA program works, just have faith that it will and do the steps, but the literature says in part ‘we were reborn,’ and I have found that it in fact can put us back to being as worry free as we were when young. We learn to once again put the ‘big stuff’ in someone else’s hands, and remove from our lives the reasons we ‘needed’ a drink.

It is great you went to a meeting and had a positive experience, we often have to talk new members here into that, and your writing about it will help them to see that there’s nothing to fear. Worrying about others knowing of our AA attendance is understandable, but it’s good to keep in mind that everyone in the meetings are there for the same reason, and the anonymous part of the AA name is taken seriously.

You really can’t go wrong with AA, it opens up a new life that drinking can’t hold a candle to. Feel free to ask any questions or make any comments, we enjoy answering and having newcomers here.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Hello there

Post by Spirit Flower »

I am currently on a steady pattern of drinking every day, before work and right after until its time for bed. I drink out of boredom, anger, anxiety, frustration.....basically any emotion that gives me an excuse to. I would love to be able to stop, however I cannot even begin to imagine myself living a life where me drinking isn't a "thing"
Welcome Reina
One time, after I had a few years of sobriety, I mentioned that I liked to get drunk 4 or 5 times a week. An older guy said, "and that is exactly why your axx is in that chair."

"Fit the image"? What image? The image is a fairy tale. I was 26, had a career. But freaking miserable whenever I stopped drinking.

Our Big Book has a line in A Vision For You about how we can't imagine life without alcohol.

You get to decide if you are an alcoholic. But I'm glad I am. I've had 33 years of the most fantastic sober adult life thanks to AA.
...a score card reading zero...

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Re: Hello there

Post by LucidDenial »

Thank you all for the kind words and welcome. I will definitely be reading the material provided and will be looking into attending another meeting, hopefully by the end of the week.

For right now, I am simply trying to make it until tomorrow morning without a drink. While alcohol is a very big part of my life, I understand that I don't need it to survive or to function.

Thank you again, and I will definitely see you guys around the forum. :)

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Re: Hello there

Post by PaigeB »

Hi Reina!
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigb ... pinion.pdf
I have the Dis-ease of alcoholism... it is a REAL disease. Here is the Doctor's Opinion from the Big Book. It helped me a great deal to come to the Knowing that I had a real disease. That helped me with the first part of the 1st Step: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol... But on page 30 I found an even better description for me...
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to
fully concede
to our innermost selves
that we were alcoholics.
This is the first step in recovery.
The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. {PAID} We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
The emphasis is mine, showing you the way that my mind reads this passage. I don't have to admit to others right away, but I did have to admit to myself. Then I had to decide how I wanted to proceed with taking care of my disease.

I hope you make it to the end of the week. I hope that the experience of other alcoholics will help you the way it has helped me! Peace to you and yours.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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