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Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:39 pm
My name is Em, and I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been drinking heavily for a few months, and my BFF found out in incredibly unfortunate circumstances. Basically, we almost broke up bc I’ve been a terrible person bc of alcohol. Last week I slipped, but didn’t tell him bc I was ashamed. He found out today and I am so afraid he will leave me. What makes it worse is I’m sick and when I’m sick I act like I’ve been drinking, just because I’m like a total idiot. I just feel so helpless and I need aclubtsbiliry but my town is so small I know I will see people I know there.
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:53 pm
Wow fantastic period plus being ill means I can’t even type accountability
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:17 pm
Okay tbh I will use this as a diary of accountability. I don’t think my boyfriend believes me about being sick even though I am genuinely sick, not “sick”, but I lied by omission last week and I’m terrified that’s unforgiveable
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 7:25 pm
Try not to be too scared about this lie by omission, sounds like you are being way too hard on yourself. Don’t know if by ‘sick’ you mean like the rest of us here you suffer from the illness of alcoholism, and it is an illness. The 12 steps of AA treat that illness, and we find ourselves able to happily live without alcohol.
We quite often get the question about small towns and people recognizing us, I am from a small community myself, and did see some people who knew me at meetings. The thing with AA is we are all there for the same reason, so nobody is embarrassed and nobody talks about what happens or who we see at meetings, please believe that. Try a meeting you won’t regret it, and feel welcome to ask any other questions or make any comments here.
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 7:36 pm
Thank you! I’m afraid I’m not though, my partner sees this as pretty unforgivable. I’m going to start actual like therapy tomorrow, which might be more helpful because there’s less social anxiety involved. I legit have a headache and sore throat but when I’m ill (sick) I act like I’ve been drinking (“sick”). I just feel so afraid that I won’t be able to overcome this. I’ll be moving to a larger town soon (that is, if my bc doesn’t break up with me) where I think I’ll feel more comfortable going to meetings.
Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:15 pm
Look at meetings this way - if you see someone in a meeting THEY are looking for anonymity ALSO. SOOO go to meetings no matter who is there - but be sure YOU don't tell on others. What goes around comes around. But yeah - all the folks in Closed Meetings are also Alcoholics. They have the same fears you do - going way beyond who they will see in a meeting... We all kinda share the same basic instinctual fears and defects. Sharing these fears together is a relief - not a drag.