alcoholic and recovering alcoholic

[ladyluxury]

just looking for some insite...how probable is it for an alcoholic and recovering alcoholic to stay in a relationship together? long story short...i was about 3 months sober when my bf wanted me to take him to an aa meeting....he stopped drinking about 3 months when he started having one here and there...until now where he is drinking just about everyday...not getting drunk but "buzzed"....we have been trying to keep our relationship together but keep having the same arguement over and over....i am now a little over a year sober...we have been together 9 yrs (of which 8 we drank all the time together)...its not easy to to the break up thing after that long...i am just curious if anyone out there has any experience with this?

[ann2]

Yes, I have experienced this. Run to the next Al-Anon meeting you can find.

In my case, the bf got sober after we broke up. He did get sober though. I don't regret the breakup but of course it was heartbreaking -- still, it was helpful in my own recovery.

Ann

[ladyluxury]

thank you

[avaneesh912]

i am just curious if anyone out there has any experience with this?

A person spends about 15 to 20 years to prove he/she is not an abnormal drinker. If you have the courage to put up with that, you may stick around. Otherwise, you may walk away before hell starts to break loose.

[Brock]

The book goes to some lengths to separate the alcoholic from what they refer to as the hard drinker, they do say this person may quit on his own given sufficient motivation, although he may even need medical assistance to do so, but he doesn’t need AA.

...until now where he is drinking just about everyday...not getting drunk but "buzzed"....

If I could have done that I wouldn't be here, and I sympathize with the situation you find yourself in, but please be open to the idea that he may not in fact be an alcoholic.

[ladyluxury]

he has said in the past he is an alcoholic but that he can control his drinking....we would drink until blackout....when i took him to an aa meeting he told me he needed to quit but told others he was just slowing down...now he says the only reason he wanted to go to the meeting was because at that moment he was suicidal and wanted to stop drinking whiskey

[D'oh]

Hi Lady.

There is a lot going on in your life, I am sorry to hear that. I have never gone through anything close to what you are, but I have seen it happen before.

First off, look after you and your Sobriety. It is the key to Your Life and happiness. Look closely at both sides, (I know you are) but without strings. Both your part, and their part. Lay All of your Cards out in the open before you walk away or stay. Much like a 5th step Thoroughness and Honesty is the Key.

Not because it is meant to be one way or the other, but more because you have to go from there to live a life Should I have said or should not have said.

Good luck, and remember you both have a part in this.

[PaigeB]

Maybe I am weird - maybe it is just the alcoholic mind I have looking for any excuse but when I went to Alanon I heard all about the problems of the person I loved and how they made me crazy. I KNOW this is the wrong way to take it, but it sure made me think that if my life were all because of THEIR problem, then I could probably go drink and just attend Alanon.

Of course what I found out is that AA is a program a design for living that works in rough going.

We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28

All I needed to do was week my AA program to find out that my loved one was just another thing that was unmanageable.

[ladyluxury]

as you just said that i remembered when i was new to sobriety i was advised not to make big decisions for at least a year (i was ready to leave him) and i was soooo struggling with my relationship and talked with my sponsor at the time and she told my to replace alcohol with my bf and go through the first step....i did this and it helped so much...i was able to get through a few more months easily....your statement reminded me of that...so i think i should try that again...not to find a way to stay or leave, just as a way to help myself until things work themselves out the way they are supposed to be

[Spirit Flower]

Do you really want to live with someone who gets "buzzed" every night?
Also, a separation does not have to be permanent.

[ladyluxury]

no i dont and thats what our repeating arguement is about...that and i feel unsupported by him(selfish i know)....so that is my dilema....hope one arguement actually gets through or leave before i find out

[PuppyEars]

A person spends about 15 to 20 years to prove he/she is not an abnormal drinker.

Sounds legit. I went on a 20 year run myself telling the world I was just buzzed. My definition of buzzed tho was peeing into a fan and getting a kick out of watching a room scatter like roaches. Hey, some are sicker than others.
To the op, I am not sure how deep into alcoholism your man is, but as a person who has destroyed 2 families when I was drinking, I have told my now partner that if you see me getting loaded....run for your life and don't ever look back. I hope things never get that drastic for you though. Best wishes in the future ~

[positrac]

just looking for some insite...? long story short...i was about 3 months sober when my bf wanted me to take him to an aa meeting....he stopped drinking about 3 months when he started having one here and there...until now where he is drinking just about everyday...not getting drunk but "buzzed"....we have been trying to keep our relationship together but keep having the same arguement over and over....i am now a little over a year sober...we have been together 9 yrs (of which 8 we drank all the time together)...its not easy to to the break up thing after that long...i am just curious if anyone out there has any experience with this?

What is important to you? Sobriety or your relationship of nine years?

how probable is it for an alcoholic and recovering alcoholic to stay in a relationship together

Misery is optional and if you are going to meetings hasn't some light gone off to tell you that you are not doing something right in your life.
Have you ever heard this in AA yet? Thy own self be true?

[akshay3688]

I drank(slipped) twice after i started coming to AA meetings,once landing in police station and second time injuring my hand in a bad way ,my wife is a Al-non member she never discouraged me neither she encouraged me to drink in this slip period ,she was just watching things quietly.After my second slip(i may have got "buzzed" on few occasions in period of 6 month) when i woke up with guilt and hangover and went to her to say sorry ,she was neither angry nor happy she bluntly said i may give you one or two chances more.That was a completely different side of her .This character building might be result of her attending Al-non meetings ,reading Al-non literature.BB too covers this topic ,In chapter "Too wives" last paragraph about how much to tolerate.When i read that chapter i realized how much i have tortured my wife.

[ladyluxury]

my patience and tolerance is high...ive told him i want to be with him but not at the expense to giving up everything i have overcome and still remained sober through it all...told him my sobriety is #1. i asked him for a compromise...whether or not it will work, at this point there is nothing to lose where our relationship is concerned...but as stupid as he thinks it is he has agreed to try it.