son is alcoholic and I have a big problem now

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son is alcoholic and I have a big problem now

Postby keegan55 » Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:58 pm

n an alcoholic since his teens. He has been to many rehabs and AA but to no avail. He has a felony conviction for dui 3 in under 10 spent a year in jail and his his DRIVERS LICENCE has been suspended indef. He came to live with us 6 years ago He had worked for a year and then started drinking again and lost that job
so for 6 years he has lived with us helping us a lot. The only rule was no drinking in the house. He did not want to go to AA or get help. He applied to so many jobs but after background check he did not get one. He did do 2 years of college in 1.5 years at home and got a 4.0 average.
He has been slipping sneaking booze in and drinking in the house. He gets staggering pee on yourself drunk and confrontational.
I caught him friday and didnt have a chance to say anything. He is leaving tomorrow with no job no car and nowhere to stay, He has asked for a little money which I jnow will go to booze right away. He told me his plan is to die in 3months he cant live like he is. He claims we are hard to live with we are in our 70's He doesn't like that my husband and i disagree or say bad words. So he is blamming us says he feels like a servent because of help he gives us
I cant stop him he is 40 but how can I deal with this? he gave back phone so will never have any contact to see if ok
I am so afraid for him have been crying for 2 days We were going to work on getting his driving back starting in Jan. We moved to a smaller house to be able to give him support

Please any help so needed
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Re: son is alcoholic and I have a big problem now

Postby PaigeB » Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:50 pm

I am an alcoholic and I am also the parent of adult children who are alcoholics. I have a daughter who is in prison & already ran for parole so will be out in the community again at a work release center. I cannot bring myself to list all we have lost through her losses and what we have lost personally.

Here is what I know. I cannot help her and sometimes what I have done may have held her back. As an alcoholic myself I did not care to give all of myself to AA until I became desperate enough. I do not look forward to my daughter having ANY more desperation that she has already, but I cannot do a thing about it. I am truly afraid she might die out there and isn't a dang thing I can do.

All I can do is help myself. I go to AA and it helps me handle most things with relative sanity and hope. At times I can actually feel peace. AA has a sister program for the family & friends of alcoholics called Alanon. There you will find a group of people who truly understand what you are going through and be able to be of real help to you in this painful and unsure time. Please feel free to contact them:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/home

I wish you Peace.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: son is alcoholic and I have a big problem now

Postby tyg » Tue Oct 27, 2015 3:11 am

There are online Al-Anon forums and meetings available as well. Just google, online al-anon meetings. Also, YouTube has al-anon speakers and workshops too. Though internet technology is wonderful. For me, face to face interaction was the best way to find solutions.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: son is alcoholic and I have a big problem now

Postby MrBlackCat » Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:13 pm

I was a teen alcoholic and drug addict and nothing would work. I moved across the country and back,got chot, lived on the street, was arrested, spent time in a mental hospital, but till I wanted to stop and had used up all other options and had no one left to help me I didn't stop using no matter what happened.

Whenever my parents gave me another chance, because I am an alcoholic and a drug addict, I couldn't resist using as soon as I felt better. It is a drug addict and alcoholics natural state to be be wasted, not sober. We sometimes, like your son, because we reach a pit of dispair where we can't live with it and we can't live without it. It sounds like he has reached that chronic alcoholic stage. If so, he can not drink alcohol or use drugs to "feel better" at all, ever, and you also have to make it clear that you will not support it in any way and then follow up and don't.

Do not take the blame for our poor choices and addiction from us. We will use that to get sympathy, money, clothes, cars, housing whatever we can, because we are not the person we once were. The person you love is in there somewhere, but use of drugs and alcohol warps our minds, values and thinking.

Specific to your situation, please stop "helping" him. He is 40. He can get his own job, house, etc. He has to get sober and start building some time sober and some self esteem. He can't feel good about himself if he's 40 and mom and dad take care of him. You should give him nothing. He uses it all to drink and drug himself to death. In the end it will hurt, not help and you'll have nothing financially and feel it was your fault.

Enabling will hurt him and you. I am sad for you, but you need to stop helping him and complaining about the situation you refuse to stop perpetuating. Sometimes we get some kind of good feeling out of being the alcoholic's life line, we matter, because without us, what would they do. We don't see we have to let go of the good feeling of being needed by them since we are helping them kill themselves and if we really look at it, that's not the kind of help they need.

It is our natural impluse to help those we love and addicts and alcoholics like myself when we need our next drunk or high have no morals about doing anything to get it. I stole the silver dollar collection that my grandfather, who passed away, handed down to my dad, for money to drink and get high. We have no morals when we are chronic alcoholics. Please don't do anything else like sell your home to finance his destruction of himself! I wish you luck and please go to Alan-on. It's the greatest. If had to say the most important thing, don't give him anything but love. No place, money, phone, etc. As much love and attention as he wants and no material things. Adults get those themselves and he has to hit bottom to want sobriety.
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