AA Couples

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)
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AA Couples

Post by keithS » Wed Jun 28, 2006 10:36 am

Is there a AA Couples Group? I was told that there was but do not know what it is called,nor how to find a meeting. Thanks for any assistance'.

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Re: AA Couples

Post by keithd » Wed Jun 28, 2006 3:43 pm

We don't have one here. Me and my wife are in AA but we don't go to a lot of meetings togather. I work my program and she works hers. When she frist got sober she would ask things and i would tell her "go ask one of the women that have been around awhile" It was hard enough to keep me sober. Have you looked in your meeting schedule? Or called the 1-8oo# in the phone book? Maybe they even have it on line

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Re: AA Couples

Post by curtis s » Wed Jun 28, 2006 8:18 pm

I haven't heard of one although that doesn't mean there isn't one. Most of the AA couples I know go to some but not all their meetings together. I guess everyone has to find the right balance for this.

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Re: AA Couples

Post by keithS » Thu Jun 29, 2006 7:17 am

Thanks all. I will try the 800# and continue to ask around.

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Re: AA Couples

Post by Blue Moon » Thu Jun 29, 2006 7:25 am

There is one in my area. I'm not sure it's a good idea though. This might be a case of "contempt prior to investigation" but if my partner and I are both in AA and I feel at home in a couples' group, then my qualification to "feel" a part of that group would be contingent upon my partner staying sober and continuing to attend the meeting.

That could set up an unhealthy dependency on my partner for my sobriety / serenity rather than a healthy one on my Higher Power.
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Yes - it is called RCA

Post by johnnyangel » Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:47 am

I found this info in the "Codepenendent's Guide to the Twelve Steps", by Melody Beattie.

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Post by Lissa » Sat May 24, 2008 10:06 pm

I have a side note--- I have heard several tapes/downloads on Traditions and Relationships which are really good. One I remember is by Scott N and Linda. I also know a group of folks who have a realtionships meeting with couples in the program. Never been to it though. Praying and reading the BB in the morning with my husband is awesome when we do it!

Jim 725

Post by Jim 725 » Sun May 25, 2008 5:53 am

I've always been leery of meetings which exclude certain members, in this case, any alcoholic who isn't 'attached' to another alcoholic.
That could set up an unhealthy dependency on my partner for my sobriety / serenity rather than a healthy one on my Higher Power.
Too true. there is also the thought that one partner is either so insecure or jealous that he/she is afraid to allow the other to attend meetings alone.
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Post by Norwejn » Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:13 pm

Me and my gal go to lotsa meetings together. We both enjoy strong recovery...(for me) meetings are no longer a place to air out personal problems.
I go to meetings today strictly for fellowship and to hear the newcomer as well as getting into the Big Book.

That said, there are no awkward "oops" moments...moments where we compromise one another's space. So for us, all meetings are couples' meetings. We sit together and each of us has our own circle of friends as well as common friends. I love hearing her ESH and am proud of how she walks this program in all of her affairs.

We each also attend separate meetings. There is no 'her' program and no 'my' program. She has her life I have mine and we work THE program at times individually and at times together. We are constantly discussing the 12 steps, God and the MIRACLES we encounter within the fellowship.

I, personally am not the type (nor is she) to buddy up with other couples in recovery- I, we just don't see the point. I can just see how in a group setting this could have a negative impact on our relationship.

I take my personal relationship issues to a select few trusted men and my Mother and God.

Long answer, but it's a very important issue. :P
When we drew near to Him he disclosed Himself to us!

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Post by Jake » Sat Mar 07, 2009 6:54 am

I know many couples that met in sobriety and attend meetings together on a regular basis. Some sit together and some don't but they all seem to have their own male/female support groups. It is interesting in how close most of the couples are even though they may have major differences on how they Sponsor people. Some of these people met in early sobriety got married, had children, grandchildren and are very happy. I personally like mixed meetings, young/old, new/oldtimers, men/women etc., because I learn so much more from the different view points.

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Re: AA Couples

Post by SoberSarahK » Wed Apr 25, 2018 1:11 pm

My husband have also been married 19 years and go to meetings together. I’m in a wheelchair so I need a ride and assistance. When his sponsor is there my husband sits with him. His sponsor tree is almost 80 years old and they are old school. They wear ties to meetings and my husbands hits is knees on the floor to pray twice a day. It’s your program so as long as you have your sponsor and sober supports ok, I don’t see any reason to perpetuate the more patriarchical and misogynistic rules of BILL W. The big book needs updating, bad. I do see a lot of older couples go to meetings together but not sit together. My husband I actually like to make a date of dinner and a meeting. We go to dinner after to do a post-mortum on the meeting and check in with each other because we are much more calm and communicate. Call a local rehab to see if they have meeting schedules in their lobby or drive on down to your local aa office. Try a men’s group, get a big book and the 12 and 12. Russell Brand also has a hilarious irreverent and modern take on the 12 steps if that’s more your speed. There’s also a meeting app. Good luck.

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