Helping Abusive Father?

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)
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Glove
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:51 pm

Helping Abusive Father?

Post by Glove »

Hi there, I am not sure where to start with this, but any help or advice would be so much appreciated. I am in England.

I just want to say to anyone reading who struggles/has struggled with alcohol addiction and is trying to recover - I admire you and am so proud. I struggled with an eating disorder and also had to "choose" to recover (I suppose it's another form of addiction!)

Anyway...here is my question:

In the depths of my eating disorder, I was living with my father who has always been an alcoholic, but it wasn't problematic per say, until he became abusive. Myself, my sister and my mother (even when I was a child) always 'nagged' my dad for drinking lots, but we laughed it off, not really acknowledging that it was actually a huge problem which would gradually get worse and worse. My sister moved out and my father began to spiral, being verbally abusive to my mother, abusing our pets and harassing me (when my mental health was plummeting). I was about to be sectioned for eating disorder treatment, because recovery at home with my father's antics was just impossible. Eventually I got help, and my mother had to flee our family home for her own safety. We took him to doctors, we talked to him, we visited him - we were patient and calm but it was met with abuse.

Years later, it is very difficult to contact him because of what he put us through. He is my father though and of course, although I haven't had a proper conversation with him for years, I still love him. My sister recently visited him and he was supposedly skin and bones. I feel awful that she is the one who has taken it on herself to look after him even though he doesn't want help - but even she with her best efforts cannot get through to him. We are both only in our late 20's and this has been going on for years now. He even handed her his will and said he's giving up on life.

No one can get through to him and he is a danger to himself. Please, please, is there anything that can be done so professional services HAVE to intervene? He knows he has a problem now, but has given up getting help. I believe you cannot be sectioned for alcohol abuse in the UK, but what about suicidal tendencies? What can we do? Any help would be so appreciated.

Sending lots of love to everyone out there. Thanks for reading.

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Jojo2
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Re: Helping Abusive Father?

Post by Jojo2 »

Glove wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:59 pm


Hi there, I am not sure where to start with this, but any help or advice would be so much appreciated.

I was living with my father who has always been an alcoholic, but it wasn't problematic per say, until he became abusive.


Years later, it is very difficult to contact him because of what he put us through. He is my father though and of course, although I haven't had a proper conversation with him for years, I still love him.

No one can get through to him and he is a danger to himself. Please, please, is there anything that can be done so professional services HAVE to intervene? He knows he has a problem now, but has given up getting help. I believe you cannot be sectioned for alcohol abuse in the UK, but what about suicidal tendencies? What can we do? Any help would be so appreciated.

Sending lots of love to everyone out there. Thanks for reading.

Welcome

Alcoholism is a complex problem, with many related issues, but Al‑Anon can help you learn how to cope with the challenges of someone else’s drinking.

Al-Anon is like our sister fellowship that runs parallel. Indeed, quite a few people belong to both fellowships.

Al-Anon Family Group's Three C's say, "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it," but many Al-Anon members find their actions and reactions can contribute to the family chaos.

Al-Anon Family Groups hold regular meetings where members share their own experience of living with alcoholism.

Al-Anon does not offer advice or counselling, but members give each other understanding, strength and hope.  



The following links may be helpful to you in establishing contact and having a chat with someone in your area.

https://al-anon.org/

There are contact telephone numbers on the site and you may email them at

wso@al-anon.org

They have telephone and online meetings

Whatever your relationship to the drinker, whatever your story, Al‑Anon can help.   

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PaigeB
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Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Helping Abusive Father?

Post by PaigeB »

Glove wrote:
Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:59 pm
Hi there, I am not sure where to start with this, but any help or advice would be so much appreciated. I am in England.
Sending lots of love to everyone out there. Thanks for reading.
There is little you can do Glove. As an alcoholic myself, I know I had to come to my own understanding no matter how many pleas I got from family and friends.

You can get the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous or some literature from the General service office and leave it on his table...
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/aa-literature

Or find a local club near you - they have stuff for sale there - IF they are open.
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa- ... es/world/1
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

YOU can help yourself, and the friends and family of your dad by going to Alanon. This sister program grew up right along side of AA when it all began and continues to help the families of alcoholics whether they stop drinking or not!
https://al-anon.org/

I hope this helps! Much Love to you and yours!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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