Living situation

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)

Living situation

Postby PastaQueen5 » Thu Apr 02, 2015 8:32 pm

Hi my name is Val and I am an alcoholic! I am very new to sobriety. I went to rehab for 22 days then came home and continued sobriety for 45. I relapsed. Then a week later again. Before I went to rehab it was pretty much daily ritual that my neighbor would come over to (.me and my boyfriend of 10 yrs ) house and hang out and drink beer. My man decided to abstain for 90 days to help me out with new sobriety. My neighbor continues to come over when I am home with a six pack and sit and drink on the weekends. The only evenings I have off. He has been told this bothers me, quit coming for a week and was back at it. Now I am faced with the reality in about 40 days my man will be joining him. I understand it is his days off but I really can't seem to stay sober with it constantly being thrown in my face. I am already struggling with thoughts of delusion that I can be a weekend drinker only and this isn't helping. My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but I get the response that when his time is up he likes to have some beers on the weekend. I am attending meeting regularly and just got a sponsor. Any advise is welcome. I don't have the willpower to go through this again this weekend.
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Re: Living situation

Postby PaigeB » Thu Apr 02, 2015 9:37 pm

I am already struggling with thoughts of delusion that I can be a weekend drinker only

Well... this makes me think of page 30 in the Big Book where it says, "It is the great obsession with every abnormal drinker that he will be able to control & enjoy his drinking."

I know that I could never do it. In fact, when I think about taking the First Drink, I know it is fatal for me. When I take in any alcohol whatever I know I will not be safe from the phenomena of craving. I WILL want more - always. I can never drink safely again.

That being said we can get sober no matter what or who. It sound like you have a good start with AA in your community and a sponsor. USE that to your advantage. Take ahold of the eager offers to help. You can help someday too, but first you must ask for and accept help ~ then you will know that it works, IF you work it.

I have found sponsor indispensable in helping me work through some old behaviors and habitual thinking problems. Working the Steps gave me the spiritual tools I needed to become a useful member of AA & of society. Today I can use my past to save the life of another woman. Today I hope that I can react with more understanding and effectiveness. Today I am, as my signature line says, "content with patient improvement" for myself.

I hope you stick around... stay close to AA here in e-aa and in your community. Get into this program with your sponsor and work the Steps. We'll be here to lend an ear or whatever support you need.

Peace.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Living situation

Postby whipping post » Fri Apr 03, 2015 4:57 am

Hi Pasta,

In the beginning I was able to sober up by pouring myself into AA as well as changing anything I had to that might trigger me. That included separating myself from people like your neighbor. Your sobriety is the #1 priority and more important than him coming over to hang out. I would have told him to take a hike. As far as your partner, I was able to get to the point that my wife, who is a normie, can have a couple of drinks without it bothering me. In fact I encouraged it. Lord knows she earned them after all those years of being my designated driver. It's great that your partner is willing to abstain to support you.

Glad you are here. Keep coming back.
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Re: Living situation

Postby Duke » Fri Apr 03, 2015 5:18 am

Hi. It was suggested to me when I started that I strictly limit the times I was hanging out with others drinking. To this date, many years later, I still make a conscious decision about the activities I'm going to participate in. I don't find that the anticipated drinking bothers me very often, but always remembering that I have a choice of whether to participate in the activity or not is important for me.

My wife has been a drinker throughout my sobriety and she is well aware that there are times when I'm going to absent myself from her company because I'm just not up to it. We've worked it out and have a very strong relationship, but we've both had to accept that my sobriety comes first.

Try not to look too far down the road or figure out how it's all going to shake out. Just focus on what you need to do today to not only stay sober, but also to learn and practice the principles of this spiritual program.

I hope to hear more from you.
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Re: Living situation

Postby PastaQueen5 » Fri Apr 03, 2015 7:57 am

Thank You for your support. I think since I still have around 60 days before my hubby will be drinking again I am going to make it VERY clear there is to be no alcohol in our house. If my neighbor wants to visit that is fine but his beer is not welcome. I can see then if it is being around it that's giving me a hard time or something else too.
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Re: Living situation

Postby tyg » Fri Apr 03, 2015 5:41 pm

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the im­possible have always failed. (Pg 101, 4th Ed.)

Anyone can get sober no matter what their conditions are. I know several people that worked in bars when they decided to get sober. The question is are you willing to go to any lengths for sobriety? If so get a sponsor, take the steps, trust God and help other alcoholics, show them how they can recover. This program is suggested because none in AA will try to coheres you into doing anything, believe in anything, but for the real alcoholic, we work the steps or die...it is a must for us but, we have a choice whether or not we do it. Regardless, all members are loved and welcomed. We are here to help each other.

I too got sober around people who drank, in my home. Alcoholism is a hopeless progressive condition of mind and body and it is fatal. Without help it is too much for us.
Alcoholics Anonymous may not be the only solution, but it is the only solution that worked for me...i have tried everything else
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Living situation

Postby katherine7 » Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:55 am

PastaQueen5 wrote:Hi my name is Val and I am an alcoholic! I am very new to sobriety. I went to rehab for 22 days then came home and continued sobriety for 45. I relapsed. Then a week later again. Before I went to rehab it was pretty much daily ritual that my neighbor would come over to (.me and my boyfriend of 10 yrs ) house and hang out and drink beer. My man decided to abstain for 90 days to help me out with new sobriety. My neighbor continues to come over when I am home with a six pack and sit and drink on the weekends. The only evenings I have off. He has been told this bothers me, quit coming for a week and was back at it. Now I am faced with the reality in about 40 days my man will be joining him. I understand it is his days off but I really can't seem to stay sober with it constantly being thrown in my face. I am already struggling with thoughts of delusion that I can be a weekend drinker only and this isn't helping. My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but I get the response that when his time is up he likes to have some beers on the weekend. I am attending meeting regularly and just got a sponsor. Any advise is welcome. I don't have the willpower to go through this again this weekend.



You need Dr. human development and psychologist.
Take care yourself.
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Re: Living situation

Postby katherine7 » Tue Feb 09, 2016 11:49 am

katherine7 wrote:
PastaQueen5 wrote:Hi my name is Val and I am an alcoholic! I am very new to sobriety. I went to rehab for 22 days then came home and continued sobriety for 45. I relapsed. Then a week later again. Before I went to rehab it was pretty much daily ritual that my neighbor would come over to (.me and my boyfriend of 10 yrs ) house and hang out and drink beer. My man decided to abstain for 90 days to help me out with new sobriety. My neighbor continues to come over when I am home with a six pack and sit and drink on the weekends. The only evenings I have off. He has been told this bothers me, quit coming for a week and was back at it. Now I am faced with the reality in about 40 days my man will be joining him. I understand it is his days off but I really can't seem to stay sober with it constantly being thrown in my face. I am already struggling with thoughts of delusion that I can be a weekend drinker only and this isn't helping. My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but I get the response that when his time is up he likes to have some beers on the weekend. I am attending meeting regularly and just got a sponsor. Any advise is welcome. I don't have the willpower to go through this again this weekend.



You need Dr. human development and psychologist.
Take care yourself.



I hope to help more than that, but you must go and follow up with your Dr.
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Re: Living situation

Postby Asen1966 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:02 pm

PastaQueen5 wrote:Hi my name is Val and I am an alcoholic! I am very new to sobriety. I went to rehab for 22 days then came home and continued sobriety for 45. I relapsed. Then a week later again. Before I went to rehab it was pretty much daily ritual that my neighbor would come over to (.me and my boyfriend of 10 yrs ) house and hang out and drink beer. My man decided to abstain for 90 days to help me out with new sobriety. My neighbor continues to come over when I am home with a six pack and sit and drink on the weekends. The only evenings I have off. He has been told this bothers me, quit coming for a week and was back at it. Now I am faced with the reality in about 40 days my man will be joining him. I understand it is his days off but I really can't seem to stay sober with it constantly being thrown in my face. I am already struggling with thoughts of delusion that I can be a weekend drinker only and this isn't helping. My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but I get the response that when his time is up he likes to have some beers on the weekend. I am attending meeting regularly and just got a sponsor. Any advise is welcome. I don't have the willpower to go through this again this weekend.



Hi there! the only cure to your struggling is to quit it! Staying away from negative vibes so as negative behaviour around you. No one can help you but yourself alone. This is not about some peers or addiction issues, this is more about you on how you will handle yourself on such nasty situations.
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Re: Living situation

Postby positrac » Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:59 am

Whose house is it? If it is yours I would recommend cleaning it up and removing the bad stuff like neighbors who need to get you drinking. Next BF should take the drink elsewhere if this is to kinda work..... As you know these events didn't just happen overnight and they won't go away overnight. Be wise and try not to hurt others in your efforts to remove things that aren't part of you anymore as amends suck to make later in sobriety.

The last thing you need is to get drunk due to pressure and then wake up to feel the remorse of inner failure. if you understand this then get yourself right and work on changing the people, places and things that aren't healthy mentally and physically is my advice. Yes easier said than done and until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired nothing will change.

We have all had to deal with similar things in our lives and you aren't unique and this is good because we can relate and give advice on our lessons learned via the hard way.
A light heart lives long.
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Re: Living situation

Postby Wesleymain » Mon Apr 10, 2017 2:16 pm

Hi guys I'm new I've just joined I've been in addiction for some what years now and threw recovery I was told that you don't get a cured addict.
Addiction cannot be cured. You have to maintain the addiction because it's a disease right.
Now I'm in a discussion with my mom who thinks she knows the encyclopedia about recover. And she was also an alcoholic until a couple of years ago. She is arguing me the fact that addiction can be cured. Please people can someone refresh my memory so I can make this correction with her.
Thanks
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Re: Living situation

Postby Mike O » Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:58 am

Hi Wesleymain.
Welcome to the group.
Do/did you have a problem with alcohol which you'd like to share?
:)
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Re: Living situation

Postby Blue Moon » Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:06 pm

PastaQueen5 wrote:My neighbor continues to come over when I am home with a six pack and sit and drink on the weekends. The only evenings I have off.


What does your sponsor say?

I'm missing something here ... why can't your bf go to the neighbour's house?

Does the neighbour know you don't drink? If so, visiting someone's home explicitly with a drink in-hand knowing the resident doesn't drink is extremely inappropriate. I bet he wouldn't go visiting a cop's home with street-drugs on him. Your boundaries are being abused, so it's up to you to put your foot down. I would tell him where to go, and I would not be polite about it. So just give some options: either 1. visit your home with a few bottles of soda, or 2. go somewhere else if drinking beer is more important than your company.

Meanwhile, either way, I suggest exploring other outlets and ways of enjoying your time off. Take up hiking, or going to the cinema, or boating, or something else which you don't mentally associate with sitting indoors getting rat-assed.
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