I think its rude !

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I think its rude !

Postby happycamper » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:49 am

When someone gets up during an AA mtg when someone is sharing and walks out.
I understand that sometimes a person must leave early.

I attended a mtg yesterday away from home, in another state. It was a club so to speak where many meetings are held, at least 2 a day.

While I believe that a chair person should keep a meeting in line and along the topic discussion, diverting the babbling on and over sharing, sometimes It just doesnt happen that way, and I can always practice patience and understanding when this occurs.

But I really think its rude to get up and walk out of a meeting when someone is sharing, no matter what they are sharing.

And, I found that a few of the ppl who got up and walked out, were in fact sitting outside smoking after the meeting was officially over.

I dunno ... Im still learning I suppose , and yesterday was in fact a lesson on how I most certainly do NOT want to be.

Thanks for letting me share , have a wonderful day Folks !! :D
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Marc L » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:05 am

Hi Camper;
Who knows why people walk out of a meeting. Its freedom of choice I suppose or maybe the meeting in the club's parking lot is better. That's the one where the relapsers hang out. :lol:

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Re: I think its rude !

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:50 am

But I really think its rude to get up and walk out of a meeting when someone is sharing, no matter what they are sharing.

I have walked out recently couple of times because the person (sitting in a AA meeting) who was sharing about how he was in a new neighborhood trying to call his drug dealer to find out drug dealers around the new neighborhood and so on and on. And there was another lady talking about how suddenly Meth became a scarcity in Atlanta because a Drug dealer was busted few years ago.

I think its better than chewing the other persons hynie in front of all the people. I think its a polite way of throwing a Red flag to indicate the meeting is going in a wrong direction.

Fortunately now, i hear the GC passed a resolution to read out the singleness of purpose statement before each meeting.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Ken_the_Geordie » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:04 am

Recently, I saw a guy interrupt a share that was way off beam (the guy who was speaking was talking about a TV program) and the chairlady didn't intervene. So the visitor intervened and extremely politely explained that what the guy was sharing was interesting, but for the sake of his sobriety it would be better if we could keep the sharing relevant.

I liked the way the guy handled the situation; no noses were put out of joint, there was no ambiguity left in the room, and the meeting carried on without a problem.

I learnt a lot from that.

As for people voting with their feet and walking out, it's not something that I would do.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Layne » Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:11 am

Often times when I look behind the scenes at other people's behavior that I consider to be rude, what I see is an alcoholic who is still not 100% convinced that they are not the ruler and master of the universe.

Needless to say the alcoholic that I see is me. I mean, I certainly know how everyone should behave, so why don't they?

Personally I am glad they don't, because I still have difficulty with the concept of my role in the grand scheme of life and many times even when I am right, I am wrong!
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Lali » Wed Feb 09, 2011 6:00 am

I understand what Happycamper is saying. Here, we have a steady stream of people that arrive 15-20 minutes late everyday (to an a.m. meeting!!) and it's distracting. Yet the only thing we can do is, as Happycamper says, practice patience and tolerance. I do prefer people to walk out of the meeting rather than start a screaming match which I have witnessed a few times. Thanks for listening! :D
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Feb 09, 2011 7:29 pm

Sometimes I vote with my feet when the topic is off-beam. More often I seek an opportunity to share back with some humourous anecdote about how I thought I was in an AA meeting.

IMO those who walk out half way through the meeting are more often newcomers / just-coming-backers who just aren't ready to hear the recovery message.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby ann2 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 5:15 am

There's a lot of in-and-outing at my new meeting in Sweden, where we have very solid step sharing regularly -- and the people going in and out are often the secretary and other group members :-) Just a lot going on. They trust the meeting to go on without them I guess. Doesn't bother me, it's kind of like when a family member leaves the room to take care of something. I understand that it could happen best between shares, as far as the listeners' concentration goes, but for the secretary, that's impossible, he has to make sure the next person is sharing. So to get a coffee refill or whatever, he goes when the sharing has started. For me it's fine, I know I'm not the one missing the meeting and I appreciate everyone's service (who knows what vital one-on-oneing is going on).

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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Sober25 » Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:30 am

That reminds me of an old-timer from way back when I was new in recovery. When Jack was speaking at a speaker meeting and someone would get up to get coffee he would stop talking and stare at them until the person sat down. This would cause everyone else to stare also, and it really made the person feel bad for getting up. It was really strange actually.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Layne » Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:04 pm

When I was new in recovery, my mother was living at home with end stage terminal cancer and with me as her primary care giver. When I went to meetings, I always had my cell phone in my pocket set to silent vibrate in case she needed me post haste.

Who knows why someone gets up and leaves when someone else is sharing, or comes in late, or gets coffee? Anyone's opinion of another person's behavior is merely a value judgment that is arbitrarily placed upon the action. The value placed is a reflection of the thinker and what their actions would be.

We all have our own version of reality. Some just bundle theirs up more neatly than others.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Hguols » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:26 pm

I don't always think its rude when someone gets up, walks around or leaves during the meeting. I guess it all depends on the reason why, but the conclusion I come up with may not be the right one. If someone has a medical condition, a family emergency, or extreme emotional response to something, I don't blame them for leaving in lieu of creating a scene in the meeting. Someone leaving cause they don't like what they heard, or for some other petty personal reason, that's uncalled for. That's just my opinion though.

There's a few other things I would consider to be more "rude" during a meeting than just walking out:

Members who turn a discussion meeting into their very own speaker meeting. (sharing more than 15 minutes)
Those taking 2nds and 3rds when there are others around the table who haven't shared.
Texting on the phone during the meeting.
Cross talking, or even brief comments when someone else is talking.
Excessive profanity.

I don't think its rude when a newcomer does it, as they probably know nothing about meeting etiquette, but I find myself getting annoyed when other members, who should know better, practice these bad habits.
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Re: I think its rude !

Postby ann2 » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:26 am

Couldn't agree with you more, Hguols. Thanks for the insight.

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Re: I think its rude !

Postby Mike O » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:59 am

Texting on the phone during the meeting.


If I was present, this would be shortly followed by:
Excessive profanity.

:twisted:
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