I feel like an outsider in my home group

Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 4296
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Lali » Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:37 pm

I'm just absolutely FLOORED by the things you have said, Mathguy. The chairperson calls on who he wants to speak? No one else gets an opportunity to speak?? Not only is this a dictatorship, it is dysfunctional in my opinion. This group that is allowed to speak are loving it I guess because this feeds on their egos. What about those of you who need to share? This is just me, but I would have left this group as soon as I figured out what it's all about. You seemed to like that one other group you went to. Why not go back there? Good luck to you. You deserve a place with good recovery and this one ain't it.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 6:23 am

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Mathguy » Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:50 pm

They maybe have one open for a "burning desire" and someone could raise their hand but raising one's hand is somewhat frowned upon.

Yeah I need to find another group. It's scary that I have been there almost 2 years and still don't have that "wall of friends", don't get to tell on myself when I need to and no one knows me enough to know if something's up with me or even seems to care.

Steven F
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 857
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:06 am
Location: Estonia

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Steven F » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:10 am

Hi Mathguy, Two things, if you allow:

First, I don't understand why you want to "fight" that group. I though I had read the conclusion in here before that you would clean up the resentment and move on to a better group? Why are you putting yourself in a position to get resentful all over again? Ok, what the group is and what you think it is might be different, but wouldn't you rather sort that out from the sideline than from the middle of battle?

Second, your sponsor is just a drunk who has done before what you are doing now. He is not your higher power. Neither is the "wall of friends" which you seem to want to acquire.

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but it seems that you are going through a range of emotions on this issue. That is not a place I get in very easily (or stay in very long) if I do my step-work. Perhaps it is time to tackle this thing a bit more deeply and to take another journey in the steps? It only gets better the second, third, ... time around - many will tell you from experience ;-).

User avatar
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 81
Joined: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:21 pm
Location: Norfolk, England

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Glynn » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:19 am

I agree with what has been said.

The Serenity Prayer tells me what I need to do in a lot, if not all of the situations I find myself in.

I need to see if I can do anything about it, if not, stop trying.
See what I can do.
Do it.

If I hit my head with a hammer, it hurts.
Choices include keeping up with the hitting of the head with the hammer or stopping the hitting of aforesaid head with aforesaid hammer.
Stop it and the pain stops.

One of my favourite stories in the book is The Jaywalker, page 37 et seq.

If the meeting is damaging your serenity, stop going to that meeting.


User avatar
Blue Moon
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3676
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Blue Moon » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:52 am

When your fingers are sufficiently worn and bloody from all that holding on ... then you will let go.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1184
Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:53 am
Location: UK (South Wales), but I'm a Geordie!

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Ken_the_Geordie » Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:06 am

Blue Moon wrote:When your fingers are sufficiently worn and bloody from all that holding on ... then you will let go.
Brilliant. I find I let go when the pain is bad enough; so that is class. :mrgreen:
I'm more commonly known as Tosh (it's a nick name, but everyone I know in real life calls me it); just in case there's any confusion; I tend to use Tosh or Ken interchangeably and it confuses some; including me. ;-)

Forums Newcomer
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:54 pm

Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by paula55 » Sun Jun 02, 2013 12:15 am

:) :-)I feel ya. I have 17rs sober changed 3 home groups due to geographical change i been at this particular home group 6 yrs too long i am seeing clicks. People screwing each other all over the place. And old men who still have issues wit g women. I do not like drama. Lately a sex addict slash alkie. Been verbally attacking me during meetings i let him have it i cussed him out during a meeting. he will never disrespect me again. i tell you that much. I am a woman of color smart assertive. And some men for some reason see me as a a threat. One was lawyer he resented me every time i mentioned god. See when u grow spiritually. That is even in church. There is someone evil that is going to ride your back. See i got better with confrontation. when you do not have peace amongst trouble souls it is time to move on. you cannot change people. I thought i was the only one feeling this way about a home group. . So i changed home groups. That is all. See your still dealing with sick people. Regardless of step work. Some still have not succumb their demons.i.e. Sex addiction Gambling lying. Stealing. Or using another drug. Or person. okay many and varied. but when someone starts acting out on one of these behaviors towards me. especially a registered sex offender . i have to go. see i worked in rehab. and i had both worlds the professional side and . experience being a recovered alcoholic. so i seen it. !! That is why i am careful of the company. we all want friends. true but you have to set boundaries. i do not loan money . let anyone stay at my place. etc. some people are not in the rooms for recovery darling.. so god will put the right ones in your path. peace be still let go and let god. trust me.


Re: I feel like an outsider in my home group

Post by Noels » Sat Mar 12, 2016 8:24 am

Some things change, some things stayed the same as 6 years ago.... blessed are we as although powerful, alcohol remains exactly the same. We however have changed. We have evolved. Became stronger and learned that as we have evolved, our God have remained the rock at the bottom of our rock bottom.
Love and light

Post Reply