People, Places and Things

Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.
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positrac
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People, Places and Things

Post by positrac » Wed Aug 29, 2018 6:30 am

I have been having an issue with People, Places and Things. My issue is with a person and specifically in my family and due to past events and experiences I have also been projecting stuff with no proof and yet I know something is simmering on the fire!
I am pretty feisty and wired and so my mind is always high speed low drag! Not bragging as much as recognizing one of many character defects. I was recently hit up on several different angles and as more has been revealed it shows a lot of BS and schemes to drag me into some stuff. I have enough drama in my life without adopting someone else’s crap. My friends and I examined points like “boundaries” and keeping to a point to show firm stance and yet not creating hurt feelings which is a real fine line to achieve. This individual is selfish enough sober and worse while under the influence of mind altering things.
At the end of the day I just want to be left alone and that idea is obviously too simple and so I have to go into another way. I really try not to bite on these taunts and doing this without hurt feelings and having to make some amends later is not something I’d like to have to do. I’ve been trying to turn it over and let God deal with the heavy lifting. But I keep taking it back thinking…… All my best efforts led me to AA and so I am not the one to figure this out!
I recognize my character defects and I see my weakness areas and my tools to evaluate and to deal with these things aren’t earth shattering, and I don’t have urges to drink as I might of in my early sobriety days. I know that I have to let it go and also learn to deal with such personalities. I keep my life orderly as I can and when I receive curve balls it does raddle the roost and puts me off guard!
Be well all.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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PaigeB
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Re: People, Places and Things

Post by PaigeB » Wed Aug 29, 2018 9:01 am

What worked for me was the Sick Man's Prayer - God save me from killing this SOB!

Well that is not quite it... Try this too - page 67:
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
I wish them luck LOL.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Spirit Flower
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Re: People, Places and Things

Post by Spirit Flower » Wed Aug 29, 2018 9:41 am

Or page 552 (old edition) every day for 2 weeks or until its gone: I pray for ______. I pray for their health prosperity and happiness. I pray that everything I want for myself be given to them.
...a score card reading zero...

Layne
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Re: People, Places and Things

Post by Layne » Wed Aug 29, 2018 10:19 am

I have thrown enough curve balls in my time, so I guess to keep things in balance, the universe returns the favor at times.

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avaneesh912
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Re: People, Places and Things

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Aug 29, 2018 10:56 am

I keep my life orderly as I can and when I receive curve balls it does raddle the roost and puts me off guard!
I go through this too. I fail, get up and move on. Eckhart Tolle talk about not taking ego personal. So thats were compassion comes for others and my own self. So i dont dwell in self-pity, guilt, remorse.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Blue Moon
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Re: People, Places and Things

Post by Blue Moon » Wed Aug 29, 2018 1:17 pm

"Boundaries" is a topic that arose in a recent closed-discussion meeting. There were different perspectives, but it boils down to communication and respect.

If I have a boundary, it only exists in my mind. So it's up to me to communicate what it is, in a way which is understood. (This would contradict the Step 10 "Prayer of St Francis").

Even if the other person understands what my boundaries are (possibly at that moment in time, rather than something rigid), I still need them respected.

This is assuming both my boundaries and their response are coming from a sane and rational person. When something mentally-compromising is in the mix (eg drugs, alcohol, HALT), forget it! By that time, perhaps the only sane action is to walk away.

I don't control the other person. So it's perhaps easy to see how rapidly a "boundary issue" can quickly become an issue of codependency. Perhaps reasonable to expect, but difficult to communicate and futile to enforce.

So I don't have an easy answer, but can relate to the question.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

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