If you don’t know ask?

Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.
Greywolf
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Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:56 pm

Re: If you don’t know ask?

Post by Greywolf » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:45 pm

From the Forum Guidelines: ‌
•‌ We offer our own ES&H and avoid critiquing the shares of others.
Brock wrote:First giving the newcomer the wrong idea that we ‘rely’ on anyone but our higher power...
The newcomer will hear "my sponsor says" or "I don't do anything without talking to my sponsor" or page numbers of Bill W wisdom cited or Bill W. quoted. It seems the newbie will get as you say the "wrong idea" from a wide variety of sources. That sometimes and in some circumstances people rely on someone other than our Higher Power may be the "wrong idea" but it is de facto how it is.
Brock wrote:and then guiding them away from asking anyone with less than three years to advise or sponsor them...


I didn't suggest, guide away or anything similar. I did what I have been told to do. I shared my experience. I don't lie about my experience to fit some ideal. I'm also not so naive as to believe that someone will be driven away from AA by someones share on the internet.
Brock wrote:I wonder if the old timer didn't sponsor anyone until he was three years sober.
Actually I didn't nor did anyone I know of sponsor before 3 years and often considerably longer. Along with the usual "advice" to don't drink, go to meetings and get a sponsor was the suggestion that the newcomer go to some meetings before asking someone to be their sponsor -- someone that the newbie thought he could trust and could confide in. The person the newbie asked often was someone who had shown by continuous sobriety that he or she would be around for an extended period.
Brock wrote:Before we write things here, which are read by many newcomers seeking information, the think think think slogan applies, failure to do that, will result in other members having little love and tolerance for the writer.
Isn't this the If it doesn't fit anywhere else category? Somebody told me that newcomers perusing the net for info didn't come here or could come here. Which is it Brock?

Unfortunately some folks, often AAers with "double digit sobriety," aren't really interested in whether or not other members have little love and tolerance for them. There's a saying around some f2f meetings, "The truth will set you free -- but first it will piss you off." I'm interested in people being sober long enough to use the steps to recover, not whether they like me or not. It has never occurred to me to check with a moderator with undisclosed sobriety if what I share is "OK" or not. I trust my Higher Power for that guidance.

IMO Alcoholics are a special bred of cat -- one who often needs "straight talk" and tough love to breakthrough the initial ego and arrogance that some of us arrive with. I know I did.

They rarely talk straight in non alcoholic run rehab either. Not surprising that so many who go to rehab slip or relapse, the politically correct way of saying, "got drunk." I stopped going to other alcoholics complaining about what someone said to me when the "other alcoholics" didn't agree with me but instead confirmed what had originally pissed me off. I had not realized they thought the same way.

Answering your unasked question, I have sponsored people. In the last several years I only sponsor people who have slipped after failing to finish the 12 steps. Lately I try to get my newer, successful "sponsees" to work with those folk. These newer sponsees listen for people like themselves when they go to meetings.

On another note, I don't refer to people's sobriety as "claimed." To do so insinuates they are lying. I also don't pick the worst possible reason for people sharing their sobriety date. I realize those doing so can't help it as we see the world through our own eyes.

I actually appreciate they do share their sobriety years or date as it gives me a reference point to where they are in their life of sobriety and often where they are coming from when they share.

I used to be (and still am in f2f meetings) shy about sharing my sobriety date or years until it was pointed out to me that it was inspiring to others to know that someone could live a happy, sober life for that long without drinking.

It's actually shocking to me to hear the disregard, disdain, disrespect and personal disparagement that a few people have for most folks with long term sobriety. Strangely enough is seems to be those who are most adamant that their way of working the steps is only successful way to stay sober.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.

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