5 of sorts

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trumpets
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5 of sorts

Post by trumpets » Fri May 27, 2016 7:46 pm

After the dust settles, all I am left with are character defects. Sponsees flew the coup. This stuff comes in waves, man. The prayers, Six and Seven, on some days, become a backround noise as I'm tying my boots for work. Just for today, I won't resort to violence. Behind your back - look out sucker - gossip. Behind these pupils are daggers. Behind these lips are sinking ships. "They would never speak ill about you" - sincerely, your ego. "You've come too far, they can see your halo." Old ideas wear a wig and fancy dress, smell nice and fresh, do a seductive dance then dig hooks into the flesh. Always in collision, obedience slips away. Admit it, it's fun running with scissors; until you catch your child doing it. Took a year to see the periods in
Easy. Does. It.
Took two years to ask for the willingness to try it. Three years in, time to apply it. God grant me the serenity, to get to this trainwreck of a meeting, accept the cross-talking, courage to ignore the swearing and the wisdom to be what I'm seeking.

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Brock
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Re: 5 of sorts

Post by Brock » Sat May 28, 2016 9:45 am

Took two years to ask for the willingness to try it. Three years in, time to apply it.
Welcome here trumpets. I believe if I don't keep seeing progress as I live this program I will probably drink again, the bit of gossip I may have heard was usually too juicy not to repeat in my first year, or the person I judged harshly even God would say he agreed.

By the second or third year I stopped repeating the gossip to everyone but my wife, and before judging others I asked myself how would God judge them? Now a few years later I have no gossip to share because I don't listen to any, and no longer ask myself how God might judge someone because that's His business. These and other defects of character are steadily falling by the wayside, but often replaced by new ones. I have found our 'moral compass' starts pointing at new things we wouldn't have considered defects when we first came in. And the beauty of the program is once we keep trudging and seeking, these old ideas which you excellently describe as 'wearing a wig and fancy dress, smell nice and fresh, do a seductive dance then dig hooks into the flesh,' I find each time they present themselves they become easier to dismiss, and with time completely give up appearing again.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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PaigeB
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Re: 5 of sorts

Post by PaigeB » Sat May 28, 2016 11:18 am

Behind these pupils are daggers.... Old ideas wear a wig and fancy dress, smell nice and fresh, do a seductive dance then dig hooks into the flesh.
Self awareness is the mixed blessing I received from the 4th and 5th Steps. Steps 6 & 7 are the answer.

I was not washed clean of my defects and they do not just disappear. If I am diligent, I see them when I do them. Then after a time, I see them often. Then maybe I become willing to have them removed. Then I begin to see opportunities to practice something principled instead of defective. Then I see I am acting differently sometimes. Then I keep practicing.

HP's timeline, not mine. I remain willing (6) and I remain prayerful (7) & open to opportunities.

Godspeed trumpets. Good speed. And a (((hug))) too. You are not alone. Alone is an illusion.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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