I do not share my story but want others to share with me

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emeraldg
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I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by emeraldg » Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:59 am

Hello everyone,

Thank you as always for your wonderful advice on these forums. I have another question please and thank you.
After all these years, I will not share my "story" with anyone at all, publicly or privately. Yet I want to hear other people's stories, especially newcomers and my sponsees.
I am otherwise very outgoing and "loud" at meetings.
I get the feeling the lack of sharing my story but wanting others to share theirs might be perceived by some as genuine interest in them and not me, but I also get the sense it makes others quite uncomfortable.

In your honest opinions, what do you all think?

Thank you so much for your time

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by OnPoint » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:54 am

Honestly? You mean like brutal honesty?

Ok, if you sponsor people you have been around a while. So hear goes. Sharing your story heals you in ways you cannot understand if you haven't done it.

To all things there is a season, a time to listen, and a time to share.

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avaneesh912
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 8:25 am

After all these years, I will not share my "story" with anyone at all, publicly or privately.
Even when you did your fifth? Then thats an issue. If you are hiding some secrets from others, you probably going to run into issues later on. When we sponsor others, we do share some of the dark secrets so, the newcomer gets comfortable and also realize that they are not alone. Thats the main reason we have that "we do not shut the door on it",
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Tosh
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Tosh » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:25 am

As a general principle outside of a 5th Step, we don't have to share all the dirty-nitty-gritty stuff we did in a very specific sense, unless we're sure it's going to be helpful to someone.

However our stories are our most useful tool when it comes to helping others identify and to get honest themselves.

And as a further note, it's important to understand our stories - as to how they relate to alcoholism - if we want them to be effective. Can we work in how the phenomenon of craving affected us? Or how the mental obsession with alcohol pushed us, or how using our 'freewill' we'd be had by that queer mental twist and end up drinking despite any resolutions to stay sober?

I've heard a few people share stuff that I didn't think was appropriate at A.A. meetings; that kind of thing is best for a 5th Step/our sponsors.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Layne » Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:49 am

No one can harm me as much as I harmed myself, so what do I have to fear about sharing my story... What would other people think about me if they knew my story? They probably wouldn't like me or would think less of me...none of that matters because I didn't like me and thought less of myself which is the reason I wanted to hide behind my dirty little secrets.

Telling my story is like walking into the light and what a grand and glorious light it is because I can finally see myself and my worth, even with my flaws. It also helps me to be able see others in the warmth of the same light.

A huge part of my recovery hinged upon hearing the stories of other people, how could I not want to pay it forward!

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by ezdzit247 » Tue Mar 01, 2016 3:36 pm

emeraldg wrote:Hello everyone,

Thank you as always for your wonderful advice on these forums. I have another question please and thank you.
After all these years, I will not share my "story" with anyone at all, publicly or privately. Yet I want to hear other people's stories, especially newcomers and my sponsees.
I am otherwise very outgoing and "loud" at meetings.
I get the feeling the lack of sharing my story but wanting others to share theirs might be perceived by some as genuine interest in them and not me, but I also get the sense it makes others quite uncomfortable.

In your honest opinions, what do you all think?

Thank you so much for your time
In my honest opinion, I think you're a troll, emeraldg.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Brock
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Brock » Tue Mar 01, 2016 5:40 pm

In my honest opinion, I think you're a troll, emeraldg.
Thank you EZ for saying what I have been thinking but didn't have the guts to come out with it.
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avaneesh912
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:25 am

Could it be that this person is still playing the directors role? Wants everything her/his way? Many people don't realize that, until somebody points it out. Once in a while like a Tsunami people land on this board, creating some noice and then they vanish.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by positrac » Wed Mar 02, 2016 1:24 pm

OnPoint wrote:Honestly? You mean like brutal honesty?

Ok, if you sponsor people you have been around a while. So hear goes. Sharing your story heals you in ways you cannot understand if you haven't done it.

To all things there is a season, a time to listen, and a time to share.
Agreed and it does help as many new comers think they are unique. If you speak of your past it keeps a reminder of your last drink. Just saying
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Robert R » Wed Mar 02, 2016 1:56 pm

Emerald, something just does not ring right in what you say in this and others threads, hope I'm reading you wrong but you have never shared privately or publicly? Ergo the conclusion is that you have never done the 12 steps with another alcoholic. Some of your behaviours you seem to think are normal/justified appear to support this conclusion. Yet you have sponsees!
Please consider that the blind leading the blind is a dangerous path and for alcoholics can be fatal.
As said I truly hope I have got you wrong for your sponsees sake.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Lali » Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:51 pm

And the reason for not sharing your story is....?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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positrac
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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by positrac » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:02 am

Lali wrote:And the reason for not sharing your story is....?
agreed
Seriously there is a limited amount of room for us kind of folk and the streets are pouring over with drunks in the 21st century. I hope that outside of desire you want what we have and will get with the program. Might be rough, although many of us can tell you this is life or death and so you gotta wanna.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by emeraldg » Sat Mar 05, 2016 6:27 am

Thank you kindly everyone. I shared my story in 5th with a therapist instead of my sponsor. I do not share my story with other AA's.

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Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by D'oh » Sat Mar 05, 2016 6:35 am

Good, I am glad to hear that.

But why are you sharing this part of your storey?

Noels

Re: I do not share my story but want others to share with me

Post by Noels » Sat Mar 05, 2016 8:06 am

Hi Emerald that is fantastic news. I know of quite a few members who did their 5th with a doctor or priest. The most important is that it's out of you so now the healing can begin. Well done. Keep it up. Rather small steps than no steps.
Love and light
Noels

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