Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

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Annette222
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Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by Annette222 » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:28 am

What if someone just doesn't want to stop drinking? I know that is terrible, but I like the buzz. I go to my counselor, and AA meetings, but the whole time I'm thinking about how I can sneak a few beers into my house and drink after hubby goes to bed, or after he goes to work. I don't drink when he can smell it, not because I shouldn't, but because he will get mad and I'm trying to keep peace.

I know everyone says AA and the BB will help, but it just sounds like brain washing to me. No disrespect intended, but I've read do step 3,4,5 then you will understand and be better. Or, "you need to go back to step (?) to move forward". Now, I understand the principle behind it, but it almost sounds like a cult of sorts. "If you DON'T follow the steps, then you are unworthy".

And yes, I haven't followed the steps and I don't really know what the steps are. But, I lack the desire to stop drinking. Isn't that the most important thing? Otherwise, aren't I just going through the process and pretending? That is dishonest. I want to stop to keep everyone happy, but I'm not sure I can.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:39 am

I break the 1st step as this:

==> Internal un-manageability- Restless, irritable, discontented, bored blah blah due to non acceptance of current situation
===> Powernessless-Mental/Obsession
===> Hit the blind Spot
===> Take the first drink
====> Powerlessness-Physical Craving kicks in-after we take that first drink
====> External Un-manageability creeps in-DUIs, jail, death.....


If you are lucky you wake with guilt, remorse and shame with a firm resolution not to do this again. But then you run into internal un-manageability after 1, 2 ...30....40 days....or some people who are in recovery, if they don't stay connected (lose their marbles) and then the whole cycle starts.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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avaneesh912
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:52 am

Let me add to it.

So you need to realize that once you get sucked into this cycle you are doomed. You need to have a firm realization that you are an alcoholic. This is the most impartant part of the program.

Once you are convinced, then you start addressing the Internal Un-manageability. Thats where step 4 and 5 and others come into play.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by OnPoint » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:28 am

"People drink primarily because they like the sensation produced by alcohol." When I got to AA I had to ask myself "What was wrong with the sensation of being sober that made it so uncomfortable?"

Drinking was a solution to my problems. AA is simply a different solution to my problems. If drinking had not caused problems of it's own I would never have sought another solution.

While I appreciate your rationalizations, AA is not a thing that we "understand" or a thing we "know". Ultimately it is a thing we do. We solve our problems a different way.

If you want to keep the problems you have that is your choice. But please don't bother trying to justify your choice to me, I have heard it a thousand times before.

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Chelle
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by Chelle » Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:05 am

Keep coming back
Last edited by Chelle on Sun Apr 17, 2016 6:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Brock
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by Brock » Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:39 am

...the whole time I'm thinking about how I can sneak a few beers into my house and drink after hubby goes to bed, or after he goes to work.
Try to think of other people you know who think like that, the answer is probably zero, 'normal' people don't think about drinking, unless they are at a party or other function where alcohol is 'flowing,' then they think why not ? I'll have a drink. Once you can admit your thinking is not 'normal' as far as drinking is concerned, that there is some unmanageability in your life, then perhaps you will accept step one.
Now, I understand the principle behind it, but it almost sounds like a cult of sorts. "If you DON'T follow the steps, then you are unworthy".
I thought I understood the principle, even though people in the rooms said don't analyze it just do it, but a smart fellow like me I had to figure out why I should do things like these steps. Also I was in the same position as you about thirty years ago, and what you say here was just what I felt - “I want to stop to keep everyone happy, but I'm not sure I can.”

So I said bye bye to AA for about the next ten years, during which time the people I was trying to keep happy said bye bye to me. Then I wasn't just thinking about the drinks I would have after work, all morning I was thinking about lunch which was my new drink starting time. So I tried AA again, because the people I was working with got to know of the lunch time drinking, so to keep them happy I tried, once again trying to keep others happy didn't work so I again said bye bye to AA, so the company I was with and several others after them said bye bye to me. Well long story short, about six and a half years ago, when I had to drink first thing every morning to stop from shaking, I said enough is enough I want AA for me, no questioning and analyzing just do it.

And without exception, everyone who did not quit when they first had the opportunity wishes they had, because we found a new way of living that booze can't hold a candle to. Some of us have to fall further down than others before we will get back up, I hope you are not one, because I have never heard anyone say that the journey down bought anything other than misery and heartbreak, best of luck to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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PaigeB
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by PaigeB » Mon Feb 15, 2016 1:18 pm

But, I lack the desire to stop drinking. Isn't that the most important thing?
Yes.

It absolutely took me a moment of desperation, after years of desperation, to finally give up and give in and say a few things to myself ~ the first of which was, "I have to stop drinking. I don't want to die an ugly death... alone after running off my family & friends. I gotta stop cause this is never going to get any better. I might go to treatment... no, I don't need help with self esteem. I could go to the psyche ward... no, they will surely saying I am depressed or bipolar which I am not. I just don't want to drink any more. I don't want to quit, but I don't want to drink! AA has sober people... Frackin' AA and their Higher Power thing and their silly Steps that will never help MY problems!" But in the end I realized that I am never going to go to treatment or the psyche ward, so I might as well give AA a try. Give my liver a break ya know? AA was the last house on the block and it was lit up with happy people.

So I went. I haven't had a drink since then. But it never started "I want to do this for my family." It didn't even start with "I might kill someone if I keep driving like this." It really started with "I don't want to quit, but I don't want to drink. I don't want to die an ugly lonely death from alcohol." It started with an oddly clear moment of thinking when I realized without hesitation that my drinking life was not ever going to get any better and it will probably get worse.

I recently had a friend from AA that went back to drinking. She had over 12 years of sobriety. She called a few times to tell me how well it was going with her being able to moderate her drinking. I honestly wish her well. I hope she doesn't die out there, or kill someone... and I hope that she makes it back to AA before her liver gives out. Her mother is elderly and she has no children (yet). She is beautiful and vivacious today but liver failure is a slow & ugly way to go.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by D'oh » Mon Feb 15, 2016 4:08 pm

"Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one of course."

"Unless"

So if you have any doubts I suggest that you tell your Hubby, so you don't have to sneak beers. Stop going to meetings and breaking the 3rd Tradition. And try that for a while.

Always remember that the doors are always open to AA for those who truly want/need it.

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Brock
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by Brock » Mon Feb 15, 2016 5:49 pm

Always remember that the doors are always open to AA for those who truly want/need it.
As long as we keep the doors open to DUI cases the court determines need our services, those whose only 'want' is to get their punishment over with, then those who at least want to please their husbands would be more than welcome.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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ezdzit247
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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by ezdzit247 » Mon Feb 15, 2016 6:42 pm

Hi Annette

I didn't want to stop drinking either. I loved the buzz I got from drinking booze and felt the same way as you do, even after I knew I had a drinking problem and joined AA. I wanted to believe if I just tried harder to control my drinking, limited my drinks, swore off the hard stuff, drank beer only, etc, etc, that I could become a normal drinker again. I tried to do that for nearly two years after my first AA meeting and kept bouncing in and out of meetings, until when I drank there was no buzz for me and no matter how much I drank, I couldn't get drunk. It was weird. When I finally surrendered to the fact that I was an alcoholic and would never be able to drink like a normal person, I went back to AA with a different attitude. I was finally able to listen to hear what my fellow drunks were actually saying during the meetings instead of listening to argue, and I somehow became teachable. I wasn't told or pressured to do anything, to read anything, or to "get busy" on the Steps or I would get drunk again. I was invited to keep coming back to meetings by other AA members and I did. It was suggested that I not drink and come to 30 meetings in 30 days and that if I didn't like sobriety better at the end of 30 days, I could get a refund on my misery. I did that too, and at the end of 30 days, I actually liked being sober and didn't want a refund on my misery. I kept coming back and kept learning new things. One of the first things I learned in AA is that my motives or reasons for getting sober didn't matter. I was told that this was a program of action and that if I followed the suggested daily actions laid out in the BB, everything in my life, including me, would get better, one day at a time. I did that and it did.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: Ok, I may make some people mad or hostile but...

Post by D'oh » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:38 pm

Brock wrote: As long as we keep the doors open to DUI cases the court determines need our services, those whose only 'want' is to get their punishment over with, then those who at least want to please their husbands would be more than welcome.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the wrong program to please a spouse.

I came in partly because of a DUI but not Court mandated. Stayed 15 years because of a desire to stop drinking. And didn't drink because of that desire, and faced all of the consequence's of the DUI.

The BB lays it out quite well. If you don't believe that you are Powerless over Alcohol, try some controlled drinking. It might be worth a bad case of the Jitters to gain a full knowledge of our condition.

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